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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my DH should feed our son at teatime

20 replies

nicolag84 · 18/04/2012 18:51

I have a 7 month old DS and started back to work full time a few weeks ago (trying to go down to 4 days but thats another story). My husband finishes work before me and picks DS up from nursery, they're normally home before 4 and I get home at about 530. Until I went back to work I had been giving DS his tea at about 5, DH did this for the first few days but has now started to wait for me to go home so I can give give him his tea. I have no problem with actually feeding him if he would eat anything as I do feel I am missing out by not getting to give him breakfast or lunch either but DS is breastfed and not a fan of bottles/cups so only gets 3-4oz of milk all day and then is desparate for a feed as soon as I get home(he's happy until I get through the door then he smiles at me and then gets impatient with me taking my coat off and cries until he gets a feed) so by the time he's filled himself with milk he has no intrest in his tea and he's just looking at me thinking about more milk! I can't give him his tea later as he feeds on and off most of the evening and is too tired anyway! The only way he's going to eat anything is if it's before I get in the door! I normally puree in big batches so all thet DH would need to do would be to zap a pot of puree in the microwave and feed it to DS so it's not like there's a lot of work involved.
Have just read this back and realised that it is a big pile of waffle so I'll apologise for that in advance!

OP posts:

FutureNannyOgg · 18/04/2012 18:53

Have you asked DH to feed him? Maybe he thinks as you like being able to feed him it isn't a problem?

Bambino81 · 18/04/2012 18:58

Speak to DH about how u feel, or maybe show him this post!

i dont see how it will be a problem?

thisisyesterday · 18/04/2012 19:01

i think you need to talk to your DH about it.

why not suggest that while you're sitting and feeding the baby he starts getting dinner ready? that way you could maybe eat at 6/6.30ish?
if baby doesn't want to eat doesn't really matter does it? he's only little still so it isn't really imperative that he has 3 meals a day yet

Original poster

nicolag84 · 18/04/2012 19:02

Sorry should have added that had this discussion with DH an hour ago when he tod me that he needs time to relax when he gets home and that he wants to play with DS. DS was hungry at 445 today and DH gave him toast rather than what was in the fridge for him because it was easier that getting him his tea ie less mess/doesn't need strapped in highchair and then expected him to take his milk and his tea when I got home.

OP posts:

Rhinestone · 18/04/2012 19:06

So basically your husband is refusing to feed his son proper food when he's hungry because his need to relax is more important?

He sounds like a total cock to me. Tell him to grow up and he has no choice, the needs of a 7 month old come before those if a grown 'man' and I use that term very loosely indeed.

thisisyesterday · 18/04/2012 19:06

ok, well toast sounds ok to me tbh, and as his father I think your DH is entitled to make a few decisions as to what your son eats?

so, he was hungry, he got fed... i honestly don't see the problem?

I do agree that if DS is hungry before you get in then your DH needs to feed him, and it would be good if he gave him a variety of foods... but I'd generally leave it to him to figure that out

Bambino81 · 18/04/2012 19:11

does he know how u feel about it? what did you say to him when you found out he gave DC toast?

can see both POV tbh.

thisisyesterday · 18/04/2012 19:11

rhinestone, what's wrong with a piece of toast with appropriate topping? assuming the baby has had breakfast and a dinner at lunch time?

my second 2 kids were weaned on finger foods and toast was a popular tea time meal!

i am not sure why a pot of puree is "proper food" and toast isn't?

Original poster

nicolag84 · 18/04/2012 19:19

I don't have a problem with him getting toast in for snacks but not in place of his tea, I think it's important to me because when I'm working it's the only time of the day he gets to eat something I've made for him, the nursery food is OK but I want to make sure he's getting to try plenty of new flavours too. I know he doesn't need 3 meals a day but he was taking them before so I don't want to feel like we're going backwards.

OP posts:

MrsMuddyPuddles · 18/04/2012 19:20

At 7 months, milk should be the main food, anyway. Nothing wrong with age appropriate finger foods like toast for tea, helps your son with his motor skills, too. Then he could just get milk in the evening. Point your dh to baby lead weaning websites, and leave him to sort this meal in it's entirety and save yourself the bother of making tea at breakfast time :o

Original poster

nicolag84 · 18/04/2012 20:43

Rhinestone- he is a lovely dad, he loves playing with DS and he knows that DS loves a bit of toast to chew on so he did have good intentions.
thisisyesterday- just out of interest what is 'appropriate topping' we haven't been giving finger food for very long and so far he's only had unsalted butter on his toast, am now trying to think of more exciting things to put on if for him.
MrsMuddyPuddles- milk is definately still the main food, he works very hard to fit nearly a whole day's worth of breastfeeding into the time I'm actually here!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 18/04/2012 20:48

well, if no history of allergies you could try peanut butter? good source of protein and good fats

humous
mashed avocado
smear of marmite
could dip in egg and make eggy bread? that would be a nice tea (tho more time consuming!)

MrsMuddyPuddles · 19/04/2012 06:45

Your op sounded really hung up on solids so I wasn't sure :) is he reverse cycling? That's gotta be tough!

Other toast/bread/etc toppings could be philadelphia cheese if he's not getting much salt elsewhere (the 1 gm a day thing was tough!) or other nut butters (try the health food store or make your own by grinding with a mortar and pestle with a dash of oil).

ErikNorseman · 19/04/2012 07:49

Well DH shouldn't be avoiding feeding him because he can't be arsed. But on the other hand don't stress too much about what he feeds him. I understand that you want to be involved and making him meals is a way to do that but it isn't really that important :) your baby will work out food in his own time and if he misses a meal it really isn't a problem.

SuchProspects · 19/04/2012 08:56

"he is a lovely dad, he loves playing with DS and he knows that DS loves a bit of toast to chew on so he did have good intentions."

What you're describing (and I realise it's just a tiny bit of the day) doesn't sound like a lovely dad. He sounds like the fun uncle. He wants to do all the fun stuff and none of the grind. There's a lot more to being a good father than playing.

It isn't as though your DH has a difference of opinion over weaning, he just doesn't want to be the one who has to do any of the hard work associated with feeding. Things are going to get much tougher at getting in time before they get better - he should really be working out how to handle it without leaving everything to you.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 19/04/2012 08:59

Tell your DH that he needs to feed DS. Full stop, and brook no argument.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 19/04/2012 09:04

I to be honest would be fuming that I couldn't rely on my dh/dp to even feed my dc when I wasn't there. How difficult and time consuming is it to cook some pasta or put a jacket potato in the microwave. Bit of tuna/ sprinkling of cheese and peas can be put in pasta water last minute or so to cook. If there's already something in the fridge then all he's gotta do us zap it. Plenty of time to relax when baby is fed bathed and in bed. :(

AThingInYourLife · 19/04/2012 09:21

Tell Mr Fun Uncle that he is a father, and that he doesn't get to indulge his "need" to relax when he comes in from work.

His son should be having some kind of solid food before you come home.

The lazy, shirking shite.

Why are people so impressed by men who play with their babies?

He is refusing to take responsibility so forcing it on to you.

That is a shit father and a shit husband.

Your son doesn't need a big meal at dinnertime at 7 months, but he does need a father who takes looking after him seriously.

blackteaplease · 19/04/2012 09:28

When do you get to relax after work if your child is hungry and being made to wait for food?

Agree with AF that your DH is being lazy and that DH should do it if your dc is hungry at that time, but it's also worth adding that dd has never eaten tea on days when she has been to nursery as she eats so much there. She might have a snack or maybe just milk.

porcamiseria · 19/04/2012 09:35

wow, some harsh responses "That is a shit father and a shit husband

sounds like DH is being a tad lazy tbh OP
and maybe using the fact that you like to BF to excuse it

just tell him! say that DS NEEDS to eat, simples

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