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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to this party??

19 replies

ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2012 17:06

DPs family ave this thing that if there is ever a birthday/christening/funeral/opening of crisp packet the WHOLE extended family go (and it's never a good night unless it ends up with a fight). Anyway - DP's cousin's DD is having an engagement party in a few weeks. We don't really know her - and I don't want to go. We don't have babysitter available - so would have to take DDs (2 and 8) with us - to what will be a heavy drinking adult occassion. DP says we HAVE to go - I say we don't. He says "we don't have an excuse", I don't think we need one and can just RSVP "Thanks for the kind invite, but we won't be able to come - here's a set of towels..." AIBU???

OP posts:

cornsyilk · 18/04/2012 17:07

let him go?

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2012 17:07

Tell your DP to go on his own

Sorted

virgil · 18/04/2012 17:07

Nope

ChaoticAngel · 18/04/2012 17:08

YANBU There's no law that states people who get invited to a party have to attend.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 17:09

Why can't he go on his own? You can always use the 'vomity' child excuse?

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2012 17:09

If he goes on his own everyone will assume that we are splitting up....

OP posts:

RuleBritannia · 18/04/2012 17:09

Those who come from small families have no idea what it's like to have a large extended family. Blend in with what they do and go (depending on whether the little ones are welcome at the party, of course). Your children will meet more of their family.

Pandemoniaa · 18/04/2012 17:10

Second what Chaotic says. Until they pass specific legislation that forces the acceptance of all invitations, it is perfectly possible to decline politely. Or lie.

JustHecate · 18/04/2012 17:12

Have a terrible stomach bug.

Tw1gl3t · 18/04/2012 17:13

Why would you take your children to an unsuitable party? Say you can't get a baby-sitter and don't go. Send DH as an ambassador if you must. And why would you care what pointless gossip the family Mafia is making up about the pair of you anyway?

fallenangle · 18/04/2012 17:13

Accept the invite saying both coming, then he goes alone says babysitter let you down. So what if they think you had a row.

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2012 17:13

Just tell them the kids are ill...no-one will think you're splitting up.

Debsbear · 18/04/2012 17:16

So what if people DO think you are splitting up. When you are seen together next time they'll know you weren't! Do whatever you feel is right. If you don;t want to go the don't go. I have to admit that there is NO chance that I would take my kids to any adult heavy drinking party which could result in a fight. NOT happening!! Ever!!

peugotgringo · 18/04/2012 17:22

I have a family similar, however there is no problem if you dont want to go.

Well there isn't in my eyes, but I did get some funny looks at the last event because DH wasn't there. I told them he was working - he's in the emergency services and does shifts, they know this - some were fine some were ??

The only thing I think you are BU about is the towels.............WHY do you need to get them anything. I just don't understand the need for engagement presents [shakes head at grasping people who only have parties for this very reason in my opinion]

sooperdooper · 18/04/2012 17:24

Of course you don't have to go, tell him to go on his own and if they think ridiculous things because of that then they're silly

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2012 17:42

I'm not going to lie about it - we're very close to MIL and she would know whether or not any of us were ill, knows that we don't have a babysitter etc. I'm not quite sure what DP thinks will happen if we don't go - I suppose he's worried that it might cause some sort of rift in family. We hadn't even had an invite til 2 days ago, I was thinking we'd escaped - but think MIL mentioned it to her sister that we hadn't had our invite yet - thanks MIL!!

OP posts:

peugotgringo · 18/04/2012 17:47

Gin can you drive there, both not drink (thereby not be tempted to stay once you've got a taste for it), stay for an hour say your hello's and then leave and go for tea somewhere nice on the way home?

Original poster

ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2012 17:58

Dear god no Peugot - couldn't spend an hour in their company without a drink!

OP posts:

redexpat · 18/04/2012 18:36

You mean it's not just me that has this trouble?

OK Gin. Here's what DH and I whitled it down to. The youngest generation, the oldest generation and FILs family (only 1 aunt and 2 cousins) get automatic yesses to birthdays. That's 13. All other birthdays depend on how many other things we have on, if the person is a racist xenophobe, if the house is clean enough to not induce an asthma attack and kind of food we're likely to get. On top of that, yesses to all big events -round birthdays, christenings, confirmations, weddings and anniversaries.

Say you have other plans. Then make some.

Flip