told sorry for not inviting ds to party infront of him

[barbie007]

Picked up 6 year old ds from school. I went over to one of the mums to wish her good luck as they are moving away and she apoloised for not inviting ds to the leaving party that afternoon as she had too many kids. I had a quick look and most of the class was going . Isn't that rude? Not the 'not inviting' my ds but actually apologising right infront of ds and making him aware that there was a party and his friends were going but he hadn't beeen invited. I wish I hadn't bothered with my good wishes.

To be fair, I don't think she MEANT to hurt your feelings.

From that point of view I think it is unreasonable to linger over it.

However, I always wonder what people hope to gain from saying things like that - unless you put her on the spot and asked her outright.

In which case - that was unreasonable and she probs just blurted something out.

It's not nice to feel your child has been left out but she must have felt guilty or thought you were pissed off with her or that u might be trying to wangle an invite. Ds can't be a close mate or he would have been invited!

In any case she's leaving so move on, sure not personal and it's not like you said ds was upset or anything.

I agree thebody

I think she was just being polite. If it bothered you, or you thought it might of bothererd your child, then it was a great time to talk about how your DC thought/felt about not being invited... Maybe they didn't care after all!

In my kids old school, ALL invitations had to be mailed... Their reason was, so kids that were not invited didn't feel left out, nor did the person "handing" out the invites feel bad for not inviting them. I honestly thought that was a great way to deal with it.

At a school, many years ago, my son had to give his birthday invitations to the teacher, and she was to hand them out for him... WELL,.... she didn't!!! My son, sat waiting for all his friends to arrive and not ONE of them!! He cried and cried. (5yrs)

She's moving, life goes on...

mothertomany.

and op.
yabu, but understandably so.

You must have felt really awkward when she said that to you a lot of people put their head down when children are not invited to a party , she was polite to tell you she maybe didnt want you finding out or maybe your son had heard and asked if he could go , they are young so there is a chance there was a conversations about it, I dont think she was rude at all ,

My point is that there was absolutely no reason to apologise at all. I didn't know there was a party, I really don't think ds had any idea either and I just approached her as I knew she's leaving within a few days and thought I'd say good luck. She said thanks and immediately apologised about the party. She felt bad/embarrassed thinking that I probably knew abou it. I'm not close to her and couldn't care less about the party but to say infront of ds 'sorry he wasn't invited but I had too many kids'....I mean, that's just plain evil. And stupid too.
Ladyharriet :)

I feel as though I've lost my mind.

I genuinely can't see what the other mother did wrong. Her side of things sounds perfectly normal . Evil and stupid are very loaded words.

I would certainly have mentioned the party, and the numbers issue if I were in her position.

'evil'?

Haha isn't that a bit strong?

She said sorry it's not you it's just a numbers thing. Sounds a pretty nice way of putting it... She could have said 'you can't come as my DS doesnt really like you, and I'm not keen on your family'. That would be mean (still not sure it would qualify as evil!)

YABU (massively so- poor woman bet she's glad she's moving).

YABU

Hang on. You don't care, but she's Rubbing your nose in it????

You admit she acted out of embarrassment, but then say she's "evil"?

and you sound about 5 tbh.

Also, she didn't know that you didn't know there was a party.

Bloody hell , MN has gone batshit crazy

Evil? Rubbing your nose in it?

Blimey, for someone who's not bothered about the party...you're doing an awful lot of over thinking.

She obviously thought your son knew about it and decided to apologise because due to space she couldn't invite him.

That's it really

do you know how difficult it is moving away and saying all your goodbyes? It's awful :(

If she said something carelessly or not, I would be inclined to let her off anyway

OP, assuming she thought you knew about the party, what would have liked her to say? Nothing?

Is that what you would do?

She almost certainly possibly thought that you had only come over to say something because you knew about the party, IMO.

no malice intended - just mutual misunderstanding. YABU to let it bother you so much.