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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dp to tidy his stuff away?

15 replies

familyfun · 18/04/2012 10:23

dp is a bit of a hoarder/collector, has tons of dvds/cds/books/clothes mostly in spare bedroom which i give up on/do not even dust as its a tip.
i ask him to tidy the phone table as he piles his post there daily till its a tower and when asked he clears it off but most is just moved to the spare room.

anyway, in the lounge there is an old hifi we never use, i mentioned binning it but its what he plugs his record player into to listen to old records, he has listened to 4 in the last coupe of years. on top of the hifi is 4 mobile boxes, 2 glasses cases, work folders, atlas, he just looks at things then piles them there right by our dining table. i ignore in general but dd2 is 16 months and into everything.

she is not intereted in toys atm, just empties the washing off my airer and puts it in washer/spraeds it round house, pulls dps piles of stuff from the hifi and scatters it, has got dps football boots from kitchen drying from last night and banged mud everywhere, has pulled dps pile of post from phone tabel and scattered.

basically dd2 is creating chaos but if dp was tidier i would have an easier job.

aibu to tell dp that he has the spare room full of crap already and i want living room/dining room/ kitchen free of his stuff.

OP posts:
DontHaveAtv · 18/04/2012 10:27

YANBU He's got a whole room to store his crap things.

CarpeJugulum · 18/04/2012 10:30

No YANBU!

Warn him. Give him a set time period with reminders during. Then dump it in the spare room or (if you have included this in the warning) the tip.

I would also phrase it as you're doing it out of concern that your DD will get hurt and possibly invent a near miss as I may have done Blush

DH now has a set place for his wallet/keys etc and mail is dealt with ASAP - I got him to spend time making his accounts paperless so it's really only catalogues that come in and I then bin after a week. Junk gets stuck in a crate and he gets until the end of the weekend to deal with it. Not dealt with means bin on Monday (unless a valid reason for not dealing with it).

Original poster
familyfun · 18/04/2012 11:00

i dont even know why he piles stuff up, i open my post, recycle/shred/file straightaway, he opene it and piles it even junk mail goes in pile??
his car is the same, full of endless junk and when i tidies under the stairs i found a carrier bag, basically when he sold his last car he put all the junk in the carrier bag and under the stairs including a boiled sweet which had meled over everything so it all had to be binned.
he only does things when there is a deadline, he had the small room for junk at first then dd1 had it as a nursery so he tidied/moved all junk to bigger spare room. i told him dd1 would be moving there when she went into a bed so it needed binning/filing/sorting, he did it at xmas while we were trying to sort dds new room/paint etc and complained at having to rush, he had had 2 years.
his tax return is done with a day to spare, one year he had to drive it t the office as he didnt even have time to post it.
it drives me mad.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 18/04/2012 11:05

Do we share a husband??
I have just given up trying really. I have a nag once in a while but it just falls on deaf ears.
I open most of the post and chuck the junk, handing over anything important to him. TBH most of the stuff is either in my name, or joint names so I can deal with it anyway.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 11:08

Get a skip.

MeconiumHappens · 18/04/2012 11:09

Get a box. I have a magazine box under a table in the living room, in it goes anything he leaves out laying about. When he whinges i direct him to the box. Works well for us!

Original poster
familyfun · 18/04/2012 11:10

the other day he was trying to do his nvq on the table and dd1 was singing and dd2 was trying to tap the keys and he wasd moaning he couldnt work.
i pointed out he had a desk and chair in the spare room and could sit in there if it wasnt piled high full of collectable crap.
the shed is the same, he has everything piled to the top and we cant find the jetwash its so buried.

OP posts:
SkinnyVanillaLatte · 18/04/2012 11:11

Do you have a loft?
Could spare room stuff go to the loft,then a lidded box put in the spare room to put random crap in until its full and then move on to the loft?

Obviously if you can somehow get him to sort it all out prior to this so he only keeps the real treasures then all the better. Or if its really upsetting you and he won't,you sort out what you think is shite and present a box full at a time to him when he seems quite amenable to sort through.

I put stuff that has gone through many warnings into his shed where it will eventually get damp or eaten by mice unless dealt with.(disclaimer: I reserve this treatment for stuff I can be pretty sure is crap!)

GingaNinja · 18/04/2012 11:12

Go with Carpe on this one. Def sounds like Health & Safety hazard - WHAT is living under all the shite?!

Issue warning statement of concerned intent with time limit; execute threat action. Same as with a toddler - the threat is meaningless unless you're prepared to carry it out and they know that you will.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 11:12

Next time he has a day off, give him and ultimatum. He goes through it all, tidies it away properly and chucks some stuff out, or you get a skip (put his paper work in a bag) and bin the lot.

I realise he will just start collecting crap again but it's your house too and you have a right not to have to live like Mr Trebus.

Original poster
familyfun · 18/04/2012 11:25

the loft is all boarded out and full of boxes and boxes of records/books and bags and bags of football kits.
i take clothes to cash for clothes place monthly, me dd1 and dd2 stuff all gets sold but dp rarely puts anything in the bag despite having 2 triple wardrobes and a chest of drawers.
i think i might move the hifi and pile of junk into the spare room.
mentioned that dd2 currently doesnt have a wardrobe just a chest of drawers and dp suggested there is room in my wardrobe for her dresses. yes there is room in my 1 double wardrobe but i told him no he can sort one of his wardrobes out and make room the cheeky git.

OP posts:
Original poster
familyfun · 18/04/2012 11:25

manic, another problem is when he has a day off or even just sundays he wants to go out and therefore says he has no time for sorting.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 18/04/2012 11:29

You give him the option to spend just one day sorting it all though. If he doesn't bother/makes excuses, you bin the lot.

tinkertitonk · 18/04/2012 12:04

Buy him his own house.

Original poster
familyfun · 19/04/2012 13:26

yeah he has cleared all the crap off the hifi, tld him the football boots/bag need to leave the kitchen tonight, am going to be a nag Grin

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