You don't buy me roses anymore

[boringnickname]

Well not just roses, you don't buy me anything DP :( No silly little tokens that tell me you love me, nothing and i try to pretend it doesn't matter, but it does, it really really does.

Because i don't think it means that you are a bad person, but i think it DOES mean that you don't love me like you used to.

In the past i have been bought - relatively extravagant bday presents and taken out etc etc, a rabbit (both the plastic and furry variety), a dog, silly litte teddy bears, a stupidly expensive ornament of a cat because i wanted a siamese cat but DP is allergic to cats.

20 years together, the past 6-7 less brilliant, the rest were idyllic. Im not a materialistic person - its more the "i saw this and thought of you" sentiment actually. Then for the past few years, NOTHING on birthdays and Xmas. Threw a bit of a strop on my Bday last year as we had some spare cash and a box of chocolates might have been nice, or some smelllies, but "i coudnt think of what to buy" was his excuse. So to save face at Xmas, i insisted he bought me nothing - but couldnt bring mysef to do the same, just said it was from DD instead of me.

Sorry, no more than a self indulgent whinge really, money is probably the reason, things are tight, but i miss feeling special and like he would crawl across hot coals on his hands and knees for me. Now id be lucky if he pissed on me if i were on fire truthfully. Like i said, not a bastard, brilliant dad, stressed out etc etc, but i think, not in love with me anymore :(

I know, i should grow the fuck up - life is not mills and boon, someone please give me a slap

heres a slap lol

i like the little thingd DH does like make a cup of tea without being asked, or bringing home a McFlurry or when i am on a peiod brings me home a Galaxy bar.
All less than £1 but it just shows he care, so i get what you mean

I'm sure he still loves you, just has become complacent and a bit lazy adn taking you for granted

Could you tell him 'When you buy me silly little things it makes me feel really happy'?

Rather than 'you never buy me anything anymore'

Some men need it pointing out in 7 foot letters

I have just come back from a fab holiday with dh and dd, 11, but it was my birthday the day we travelled back. My dh didn't even buy me a card. Neither did dd. When I pointed this out, they both made me a card...which is lovely, but for the love of God, is a card too much to ask? We went to the supermarket that day and he could so easily have bought a small gift, a token, but nothing.

My dh has done some fabulous things in the past. I loved morris minors and he hired me one for our wedding anniversary when I was pregnant with dd. We stayed in a little country hotel and had a lovely meal at a great little restaurant. Even a few years ago we went away for our anniversary. Grandma looked after our daughter and we had a lovely time. But that was 5 years ago. Since then, things have declined.

I feel whiney and whingey about it. We've got enough materially to cope in these tough times and that's down to him going out there and earning the money. He is fabulous with our daughter. He's good to me. But the playful affection has gone from our marriage and we rowed about it just last night, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

To some degree I feel like I'm saying that my glass slippers are too tight but I really mourn the loss of romantic gesture from our lives...

If you find an answer to this, let me know, cos I'd love to get back that certain something.

I absolutely 'get' this.

Money is tight here too but if im in town ill get his favourite dry roasted peanuts if im in a charity shop and see a book or other random thing hed like i get it ........me?? i dont get anything.

yep, he took me on a horse riding holiday once too, for a "surprise" i knew about it of course, it was kind of obvious when he hid my riding hat! It was amazing. There were so many things that were amazing, he was proud of me too. I think if i could get back to the person i was then he might be proud of me again [fat chance emoticon]

I think one thing that's worth bearing in mind with these things, is are you the same as you were? Do you still do the little nice 'treat' things for him? Not necessarily for you in particular, but a lot of people seem to lose perspective of what they expect to receive and what they are prepared to give.

Teeb I buy him bloody peanuts!!!

We#ve lost a lot of the small intimacies we used to share. We used to cuddle on the sofa all the time, but now he watches sky in the basement, I sit with the laptop upstairs, he's always working or involved with our daughter, or doing stuff around the house. I should be grateful, but I miss cuddling on the sofa. And I'm sure that makes us less strong as a couple and that's what makes us miss the small connections. DH is sick today, so I can't tackle him about it, but I'm gonna suggest one night a week we both sacrifice our tv/laptop/work and spend a night with each other. Hopefully it'll help us connect. Maybe it would work for you???

Oh this really resonates with me so I don't think you ABU and I certainly won't give you a slap! :o
Been with my DH 18 years and the last few years have really taken it's toll on our marriage and although I never got expensive gifts (despite heavy hints) they were always thoughtful and I often used to find Freddos in my bag or Curlywurlys in my pockets which would brighten my day.
These days I often feel like I'm invisible so I feel your pain.
Have some on me.

No, im not the same as a was, i used to be confident and pretty and had a promising career, now i'm neither confident or pretty and my career is fucked. I think im a disappointment to him.

ah well, in that case nickseasterchick you should leave the bastard!

Enough with the self pity - slaps mysef and watches jack whitehal and thinks hes a cock :)

I think if i could get back to the person i was then he might be proud of me again

Stop that! Stop it right now, The same thing happened to me and DP, Then he explained that I always said "Don't get me anything! Or I'll kick yer butt", How silly of me.

Love is not proud, I'm sure your DH is proud of your love. 20 years is something to be proud of. Be proud of your relationship and yourself.

Why do you feel he would feel like that?

just that iam so different to what i was, i cant recognise myself so why woud he?

Do you think you are a disappointment to him, Or does he say so?

Sorry, I didn't mean that you should be a mirror image of the person you were twenty years ago. People change and evolve and you've grown together as a couple over twenty years which is amazing.

But I do notice people can become blinded by 'you used to do x, you never do that anymore' but don't see how the same thing relates back to themselves. Relationships have always seemed to be a give/take thing to me. There's no reason why you couldn't take the initiative to get that spark back by doing/giving the things that make him happy and he would follow that lead. Giving is often as enjoyable an experience as receiving.

Oh dear, I hope I don't sound too much like a Stepford wife!

no, i think you make an excellent point Teeb, maybe i should take the lead :)

Very similar here, for the first year of our dating when I used to go to his house to stay he sometimes had a roll of Fruit Gums waiting for me. We were students so it was a big deal. Now, nothing, no birthday presents, no xmas presents, no random gifts. And until recently I did all those things for him. It makes me very sad. :(

I'm sure he loves you OP, but YANBU to be hurt by this.

It's so important for both partners to make small gestures, even if it's a bar of chocolate, for no reason. I agree with the poster that suggested you take the lead.

(My dh sent me a bay tree today. Which was a bit strange, but very sweet of him!)

i would like to officially declare myself a twat

I was thinking about all the stuff my DP DOES do for me and i feel quite embarrased for starting this thread.

1. Saw me through terribe depression (didnt handle it desperately well, but tried and is still here!)
2. Works 6 days a week, ALL year - have not had holiday in three years, to clear the debts created by my inability to work.
3. Makes me breakfast every morning before he goes to work
4. I don't drive, so he will drive me and pick me up from places i need to be
5. Drop everything at a moments notice to take my mum to the docs/hospital becaues i dont drive
6. Generally puts up with all my crap and whinging about not having a job.
7. Makes me tea, all the time without me having to ask (i never make him one .
8. Lights the fire [wood burner] for me, even if he is going out
9. Has rescued me from the middle of the woods when I have had flat tyres on my bike (I have learnt to fix these myself now!)

10. Indulges my sexual fantasies

Who needs roses anyway

Ok after reading your last post, I think I will give you a slap!

SLAP! There you go you sadist (er, masochist?)you.

(BTW I'll trade you a spouse who really does do F all - I'd be frigging delighted with that list that your DH does. I've come to the conclusion actual DH was kidnapped by aliens and the Thing here now is just a clone.)

boringnickname you have a husband who clearly loves you and cares about you. I'm glad you've realised, have a big hug waiting when he gets home tonight.