....or just far too sensitive about this?

[imusthavebeenahorribleperson]

Tried unsuccessfully for 12 years to conceive. Paid tens of thousands courtesy of the NHS Postcode Lottery.

Had no offer of financial help despite all older generations saying time & time again we need some young blood in the family.

MIL (Bless her) bangs on endlessly & tirelessly about wanting to become a grandmother & that we are now ruining her chances.

I am very late 30s & my chances are decreasing rapidly.

AIBU or just far too sensitive about the fact that she has bought another new car (Current one 2 years old) bought another horse & booked her fourth holiday for this year?

I have to put my house on the market to raise funds to make a baby.
I have run out of money.

Bless you OP, I'm fuming for you. Personally I do think there's a bit of an obligation on the part of your MIL, who would rather spend money on material rubbish than help her own son have a child. Horrible. Good luck with everything. x

The sperm doner insemination could be the way to go.

I really hope things work out. I know it must be awful for you at the moment - it was for me.

You've been infinitely more patient with your MIL than I would have been. OK, it's her right to spend her money as she sees fit. However, she has absolutely no right to harangue you with demands about producing grandchildren- especially as, based on your later posts, she knows that as a couple you have fertility issues and that you cannot fund any more treatment.

She sounds totally selfish and insensitive- it's beyond the pale to go on at you about her ruined chances, knowing what you've been through.

I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I hope things will look up for you soon. Hugs.

We paid about £1,100 for blood tests & an obligatory counselling session when we first started the medical treatment 12 years ago. The insemination & donor sperm totalled another £1,100. We tried that a few times.

Then we tried ICSI a few times at £5,500 per cycle.

We had our first holiday in 7 years last year. I have sold all shares, premium bonds, inheritance. I am working 5 part-time jobs. Mollie We have to sell the house to raise funds by releasing equity to buy donor sperm. This is a further £950 for just one individual little swimmer on top of the ICSI charges of £4500.

My best friend got ICSI for free in another part of the country & was successful first time.

I don't want to put it on credit cards - if treatment fails, the bill coming through the bill each month will be a further kick in the guts & I can't deal with that as well.

Oh no, another day of tears.

Just so cross at MIL. Angry at life at the mo.

I know you have said that there are no fertility issues with you, but if you have had several cycles with no luck, then I suspect that there are other issues. (or you have been incredibly unlucky). Did any of the eggs make it to blastocyst? What reports did you have back from the clinics, did they make adjustments to each cycle to give you the best chance?

As for your MiL - she is just a very insensitive person. You've been given a couple of good drop-dead responses by posters above, I'll let you choose the most suitable.

My parents funded my two last rounds of IVF/ICSI. My first round was NHS funded but I miscarried, the second round didn't work and the third round was succesful. I was also late 30s when all this was going on. It is incredibly stressful when someone else has funded the treatment and does add an extra layer of stress. I felt dreadful when my second round failed and my parents had 'wasted' several thousand pounds.

Good luck, I hope you find the answer to your problems and the pitter-patter of tiny feet comes your way, whether it's through birth or adoption.

OP, I don't think you need to justify yourself/your husband/your position/your finances to anyone on here tbh. Even if you are asking if YABU.

You're not expecting your MIL to pay for your IVF, I'm not detecting even a hint of that MN favourite "a sense of entitlement" in your voice.

Just sadness, frustration and anger at the situation and that someone is guilt tripping you with the ruining their chances of being a grandmother comments when there is fuck all you can do about it - having run out of money trying to do the very thing they want you to. And you're trying to deal with it yourself. Some people are incredibly insensitive.

The bottom line is, she can spend her money on whatever she chooses. Of course she can. However, if she is choosing to spend it on a fourth holiday, a new car, another horse and a puppy, then that suggests she has the means to help and that she is prioritising those things over her a grandchild given that she is not choosing to support the IVF that would give her a chance of realising that dream.

Of course she doesn't have to help you out, but if she isn't going to she really needs to keep her nose out of your and your husband's lives and her comments to herself.

My heart goes out to you.

Just wanted to send you hugs, OP. I'm afraid I have no advice other than that your MIL sounds a total cow and if I were you I would have no hesitation in telling her to shut up. How insensitive and cruel can she get?!

Hi, I don't normally post but I have been where you are.

We to spent 1000's on IVF with no luck. We then adopted 2 beautiful boys.

Give adoption a chance, at least speak to the adoption team in your area to get an insight into the process.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do though x x

my heart goes out to you OP. i can't imagine how painful it must be.

Can you move to the areas that offers IVF on the NHS, surely that would be better than selling the house at an already stressful time not to mention the bottom of the housing market.

Urgh I know where you're coming from re MIL, mine kept on for years (12 in fact) about wanting a granddaughter as she'd already got 2 grandsons, despite the fact she knew we both had fertility issues. And she would also tell the story of how much love she felt when DS was born, etc etc. It's just so insensitive.

What a horrific situation for you.
Stay away from MIL. Your DH has told her the situation, she hasn't backed off.

Are your parents in any position to help? Could you ask them for a loan and see if thats the kick start to an offer of a gift?

Sometimes people just don't know what to do for the best.

Good luck, I was successful on my 2nd ICSI attempt but only after I was prescribed steroids to reduce my NK cells. Which had never been mentioned as an issue, like you the issues were incredibly low sperm count. My lovely, lovely clinic offer steroids to women who have a "failure to implant". It appeared to make all the difference.

I really hope you have a change of fortune, I remember well the ache.

Have you seen the fertility friends forum? You might find some ideas about what to do next and some more support on there ((((((((big hugs))))))))))

OP I feel your pain and heartache. What utter shit you're going through. I was on the fertility treadmill for a decade, so know how utterly demoralising this can be.

I agree with other posters about exploring adoption as I think you've been given bad/wrong initial advice. Do it, if only to see that maybe this isn't the road for you.

But at the same time..

... ASK for financial help. Clearly. Plainly. Stop pussyfooting around. Stop waiting for people to read your mind and offer. You don't have time for that. This is life and death here, not plastic surgery. Put it this way, would you hesitate to ask for help for life-saving surgery for DH? Would you hesitate to give if asked for help? If you don't do everything in your power, including swallowing your pride temporarily, then you might regret it later.

If you can raise some funds this way, consider, as other posters have, going abroad for treatment. I went to the United States for one last shot and got pregnant with my DD. If you want to contact me for any info, please do.

I wish you so much love and luck!

I didn't think I would be so understood by you all so a big thankyou to everyone whose kind & productive words & much needed hugs mean I am now (I hope) getting my head around that I'm not being an unreasonable & moody wotsit.

My parents are in a position to help if they remortgaged or paid by credit card but I would just feel so terrible, I think the worry of them 'wasting' it would put me under more stress. MIL knows my parents helped out initially when they could but even then it didn't register in her head. Or it didn't appear to, anyway.

You've given me (& husband) things to think about, that's for sure.
Thankyou.

She might feel that if donor sperm is used it won't be her grandchild as not biologically connected... Some people are like that. If she feels that way I doubt she would want to fund ivf.

I hope you find a way to have a child op. Definitely tell her to stop talking about it though...