Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to not want to show her a scan photo and accept these gifts?

13 replies

Aworryingtrend · 17/04/2012 15:34

Loooong story which I have posted about previously in which my friend of 10 years has treated me horrendously since finding out I was pregnant and due week before her wedding. The worst offence IMO was telling me not to get too excited about the baby as I might have a miscarriage.

She has not properly apologised but knows I am deeply upset. Her way of dealing with this is to go over the top and now she is asking to see scan photos and telling me she is sending presents for the baby.

I realise I could be being completely irrational due to pregnancy hormones and protective mothering instinct kicking in. WIBU to send her a message saying 'thank you for your kind wishes but we are only showing the scan photo to close family' or something of that ilk?

Am I being daft?

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 17/04/2012 15:35

you post about this friend ALOT OP

please, focus on summat else x

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 17/04/2012 15:39

Well in short......maybe a bit!

Do you want to carry on being friends with her or not. If you dont then it doesnt matter, if you do, then fgs just show the woman your scan!

In the grand scheme of things, it aint that important!

Rhinestone · 17/04/2012 15:40

YANBU at all, I have had exactly this issue with a rather over-bearing new friend getting very offended that I wouldn't a) show her the scan photo and b) because this meant she couldn't scan it herself and put it on her Facebook!!!! When I objected to the FB idea I was told "This isn't just about you though." I mean, WTF is wrong with people.

Needless to say I realised she's not much of a friend.

Just say you're uncomfortable sharing the scan photo and baby will be out soon enough etc.

McPopcornMouseNFries · 17/04/2012 15:41

I think it's reached the point where you either have to forgive and move on (and show the picture and accept the gifts) or let the friendship die tbh. This sort of ongoing stress isn't good for you!

TheProvincialLady · 17/04/2012 15:42

You would sound like an utter loon to say that.

Either be friends with this person and show her the scan picture, or end the friendship and tell her. There is no middle ground where you can keep in touch with someone but refuse to let them see a scan picture or give a gift.

Rhinestone · 17/04/2012 15:43

But why should she show her the scan photo? It's not a cutesie baby pic, it's a medical record.

pumpkinsweetie · 17/04/2012 15:43

Why don't you part ways with this 'friend' as she doesn't sound much like a friend.
Just slowly cut contact with her until you dont see/speak/phone/text anymore....this can be done without a war i have done it to one 'friend' in the past who treated me like dirt

fedupofnamechanging · 17/04/2012 15:44

Do you want to keep this friendship, or has she upset you to such a point that it's irrevocably damaged?

If you think she was being bridezilla and will return to normal and you don't want to throw away a 10 year friendship, then you should accept her olive branch.

I don't know your history, but if she has form for being a cow to you and you think the friendship is hanging on by a thread, then my advice would be to break away from the friendship. If you do this, then I think you ought to be honest.

Not all friendships are meant to last forever - if you've grown apart or one of you has changed, then it's okay to move on.

Friendships are supposed to increase your happiness - if they don't then it's time to get rid.

Debsbear · 17/04/2012 15:49

I don't know anything about you or your friend (unlike some other posters on here) but I would say that it would be reasonable to show her your scan pic if you meet up with her (and had it on you), but not to send it by email. I don't think I even showed my family any of mine . I still can't work out which way round they are anyway (and that's after 5 babies!!). Apart from that it sounds like maybe she's trying to make amends for a (very) thoughtless remark, but possibly there is a story behind it. Is it possible that at some time she has had a miscarriage herself? If you can't move on and forgive her then maybe it is time to call it a day and cut ties altogether.

Vickles · 17/04/2012 15:55

I think you're hormones are taking over and you are over analysing things with this friend.

It all sounds like alot of drama to be honest! I had an old friend of 10 plus years, talk to me about miscarriage and stillbirth (with my 1st baby) and I was really upset by the conversation... and finished my coffee, and made excuseds

You do not need drama at the moment... I would put distance between the two of you. You really don't sound good for each other - at the moment.

Your baby... her wedding....

Distance yourself....ignore texts... phonecalls. She will soon get the message.
Do not send texts saying blah de blah... as they will come across as petty and childish.

This friend does not sound good for you at the moment.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 17/04/2012 15:56

I think she's trying to show an interest and be kind. Probably because she knows her behaviour was not great when you first told her that baby would be due so close to her wedding date.

I think most people like to see scan photos and I would probably ask if a friend had one to show an interest.

So YABU I think.

Bambino81 · 17/04/2012 16:02

did you actually say that too her? :/ that's pretty bad. she's going out of her way to make things up to you, and that's what you coe out with?

I think by the sound of it that friendship has run it's course.

Clytaemnestra · 17/04/2012 16:02

I agree with people above, either forgive and move on and treat her as you used to so get her involved and show her the scan photo etc or tellher to take a hike.

I'd go with the latter option, as she's been repeatedly unpleasant so cutting your losses seems a better option. Only you can really decide what to do about it though.

Flip