To think DP was rude/thoughtless here?

[DonkeyRaddish]

We're in a pub on an evening. A sad song comes on and I say "oh I don't like it when this song comes on, it reminds me of my uncles funeral". He replies with "oh god. I wonder what time they stop serving food?" and picks up a menu.

It was like he recognised the need for the "oh dear/oh god/oh no" style comment but completely failed to realise that I might actually want to discuss/elaborate or whatever on that.

It probably sounds like I'm over thinking this but he does it a lot. For example one time I said something about "I was so nervous when the exam started" and he replied "I bet. Where shall we go tonight?" It's like he's just not interested in anything I try and talk about.

Maybe he was a bit thoughtless, but does he know? You need to tell him. I have to tell my DH when he's said something that has upset me, he can't always tell.

He may be trying to distract you, so not have you listen to the music, by making banal chat over the top, get you to think what food there is, and go out for the evening do something, rather than stressing about the exam that had been and gone and there was nothing further that could be done.

What's he like otherwise? Is this part of a pattern? if so leave the bastard

To clarify - you've said he does this a lot. I was asking if there are other issues aside from this communication-related one. Not that that isn't a problem in itself, but to get perspective. Is he interested in your life otherwise? How long have you been together?

Hard to tell - he could be a sod, or you could be one of those that witter on constantly about everything, or even both.

I sympathise with you OP, as my dh can be similar Does he chat about stuff in general?

My dh doesn't really 'do' day-to-day chat, I realise in both of the following examples I was talking about things of a more trivial nature than you were, but he tends to react like this -

Me - "OMG I've just realised it's cut-off day to book ds in for the next block of swimming lessons, if I don't get to leisure centre between finishing work and school run he'll miss out this term!"

DH - Oh crumbs!! Anyway when do I need to be back for the neighbours coming round for drinks? Oh ok I've got time to pop to gym after work then, see you later!"

And another one:

Me - (while in the car) - "I'm not used to being on the early shift at work, I'll have to be extra organised in the mornings next week getting dc's sorted for school etc!"

DH "Oh I'm sure it'll work itself out, I'll drop you all home now while I go and get petrol, you know how crabby the kids get sat waiting in the car!"

Neither of these are huge issues I know, but it makes feel brushed aside and totally dismissed when he does this

Now if someone gets him on to sport or politics etc you can't stop him talking! Is your dh similar to this, OP?

Well maybe he just wanted a nice evening in the pub , not to chat about morose things

Do you want to do deep meaningful chats a lot.? If yes then u need to check yourself as its high maintenance.

If u don't and really needed a sympathetic ear the tell him he's out of line.

Out of interest, what did you want him to say? I have lots of songs that remind me of people that have died, but in general I don't want a long conversation about it as I get upset and would far rather have a mundane conversation while the song is being played on the radio. Do you think the conversation could have been different if you hadn't been in a public place?

Maybe on a nice evening out he didnt really want to sit and diasect uncle bobs funeral - maybe he wanted a nice light hearted evening.

However, he should sometimes lend an ear. Are you quite demandinging though?? Do you overthink things and want to anaylse everything?? If so then he is probably trying to steer away from what could be a very heavy conversation.....too many of them get kinda draining.