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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my friends should not have offered on this house

24 replies

fluffydressinggown · 16/04/2012 22:28

We have some close friends (been friends with the wife for 10+ years since uni, her DH is a nice guy but probably without her we would not be friends with him). We get on really well and socialise about once a week. If something good happens (eg, getting a high mark on an assignment) they invite us out to the pub for a meal to celebrate.

Anyway, last week a distant relative died and they have inherited some shares. They won't know the value of these shares for 6-8 weeks. Yesterday the DW rang me up and asked us to come out to the pub for a meal to celebrate because they had 'bought a house.'

I was surprised but pleased. At the pub they explained that they had got a mortgage quote (not an agreement, although they did not understand the difference - I know they have a lot of debt and poor credit so I am wondering if they will actually be able to get the mortgage they were quoted) and are planning to use the (so far unknown) value of the shares as a deposit. And they had offered on a house today - after one viewing and the first house they had ever looked at to buy - and had it accepted.

My judgey pants are on, surely it is utterly unreasonable to offer on a house when you have no deposit and won't for a good few weeks, you have no idea how much money you will actually have, and you have no mortgage agreement. And I am even more surprised that they genuinely believe they have bought this house - they were asking me and DH where we bought our sofas from and if we could recommend a removal company and posting on Facebook that they were home owners. They were totally unaware that they would need a solicitor (they thought the Estate Agent did it all) and thought the mortgage quote meant they had a mortgage.

And I know people will say mind your own business, but since they inherited these shares we have been out for 2 meals to celebrate and it has been on FB every 2 minutes about how rich they will be.

OP posts:

OldGreyWiffleTest · 16/04/2012 22:33

Ummmm, think they might be in for a bit of a rude awakening. Totally nuts.

marriedinwhite · 16/04/2012 22:36

I don't really see that it's your problem. It might become theirs.

WhatTheCatDraggedIn · 16/04/2012 22:37

YANBU that they are naive but is it really any of your business?

The estate agent will set them straight fairly quickly, as will the mortgage company so the vendor will not suffer.

Unless they are very stupid they will learn to navigate their way through the house buying process.

In the meantime can you not just be happy for them and offer advice and support when needed?

hairylemon · 16/04/2012 22:38

Oh dear. Man are they in for a shock!!

LadySybilPussPolham · 16/04/2012 22:39

if they are close friends then why haven't you said something? Surely a 10 year friendship could stand a little straight talking?

NicolasGirl · 16/04/2012 22:41

I imagine that once their true situation is known by the vendors solicitors, the offer will be rejected. To be fair, the estate agents should have checked their financial status more robustly so offer would not have been accepted in the first place.

They do seem a bit immature.

Original poster

fluffydressinggown · 16/04/2012 22:43

I am happy they are buying a house (genuinely - I really do like them) but just frustrated I suppose with their methodology and then having it rammed down my neck.

I am bitter as well because we spent all last night talking about all their amazing money and house and amazing things they will buy all because someone died. And my Grandma died very recently and I think its kind of insensitive to celebrate someone dying. And I am having a shitty time and they know it and my three hours leave from the psych unit I am in were spent with them boasting about their loopy loops way of 'buying' a house and you know, a nice meal out with friends talking about normal things would have been nicer and not constantly being told how much money they had for their new house.

I am also polite and listened to them and looked with genuine interest at the house details and discussed the house with them and also gave very gentle advice about taking it one step at a time and my husband today e-mailed them some links we found helpful when buying our house and he passed on the number of the solicitor we used.

I am being unreasonable. Just. Frustrated.

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 16/04/2012 22:44

They sound rather clueless and imagine they will be somewhat when the reality hits them, having already announced it to everyone

VivaLeBeaver · 16/04/2012 22:45

Maybe they've got a rough idea of how much the shares are.....like they know it's going to be at least 30k or something?

Someone is going to have to tell them they need a mortgage agreement. When I got mine I had to show wage slips to get one, plus answer questions about any outgoings, etc. So they're unlikely to get one till they can show a bank statement with proof of the money.

When I bought my 2nd house I was only 23 and went into the estate agents in my normal scruffy jeans, told them I wanted to put an offer in on a certain house. They wouldn't let me get as far as making the offer until I proved to them I had the money.

Original poster

fluffydressinggown · 16/04/2012 22:46

LadySybilPussPolham - the DH is very very easily offended but yes I think a word with my friend would be a good idea, she would probably listen more carefully. It is difficult for me to get out and about at the moment because my husband picks me up every evening and those 3 hours are the only time I spend with him each day but I could see if she will pick me up for a coffee at the weekend so we can talk then.

OP posts:

MummytoKatie · 17/04/2012 06:54

When we started looking at our first house my parents bought us the Which guide to buying a house. Could you get them that to help them out?

trixie123 · 17/04/2012 07:18

yes they are clueless and will figure it out soon enough but if you know them that well I think you could perhaps try to set them straight. Also re the celebrating someone dying thing, it was a distant relative, presumably not someone they knew well or saw often so it is not surprising that they are focusing on the bit that actually affects them. Sorry if that sounds heartless but it is the reality.

samandi · 17/04/2012 08:47

Sounds daft to me. They sound a bit clueless.

DonInKillerHeels · 17/04/2012 08:49

They're not unreasonable, just dumb.

Ilovedaintynuts · 17/04/2012 08:53

You sound jealous and bitter to be honest.

TunipTheVegemal · 17/04/2012 09:23

I like MummietoKatie's suggestion. The Which guides to things are very good.

All you can do is help them. You don't even need to frame any of it as criticism.

knowitallstrikesagain · 17/04/2012 09:31

If the vendors and their solicitors have any sense, the offer may have been provisionally accepted but the house will still be on the market until they prove they can actually buy it.

AIBU to think that is utterly ridiculous to even contemplate offering on a house in these circumstances? Surely you would wait until the finances were in place? It seems so unfair on the vendor. I am just shocked at their naivety I would turn this around on the vendors actually. Who accepts an offer on a house without their solicitors checking fundsare available?

Leave them to it.

YouOldSlag · 17/04/2012 09:46

I hope you give us an update OP on how much the shares are worth! I'm intrigued now! They could be shares from a defunct company or shares worth a fiver tops. OR they could be worth millions. Even so, it shows a shocking naivete on their part and their vendors won't be happy if they have to pull out.

OlaRapaceFru · 17/04/2012 09:49

They won't get the shares transferred to their name for months, at the very least - not weeks. Probate takes quite some time and, if it's a bit more complicated, it may well be over a year before they even get the shares. In the meantime the value of the shares may drop considerably. Say they are worth £30K now, but if some disaster befalls the company/ies that the shares are in, then the value will drop (OTOH, they may go up if the company/ies experience good trading profits). But they won't know how much money they actually have until the shares are transferred to their name.

Yes, I agree, they sound incredibly naive about the whole house buying process. They may not have lied to the EA, but they probably, in their naivety, gave the EA the impression they already have the money to proceed with the purchase. This will come out in due course, but as PPs have said, it's unfair on the vendors. Hopefully your friends solicitor will tell them they can't proceed yet.

You'd be surprised at the number of people (either purchasers or vendors) who seem to think that once an offer has been accepted, they have 'bought' or 'sold' a house.

If you think they'll listen to you - and take in what you're saying - then, yes, offer them some advice.

PinkElephant73 · 17/04/2012 10:47

If they are that daft I am not sure I would waste breath on offering advice, as they are more likely to be annoyed at you putting a downer on things!

verytellytubby · 17/04/2012 10:58

They sound bonkers.

Original poster

fluffydressinggown · 17/04/2012 11:35

I will suggest the Which Guide - good idea. I have texted my friend about meeting up for a coffee on Sunday because we haven't spent much time together just the two of us for a while so it will be nice to catch up and I will see if she is interested / ready to have some gentle advice.

The DH was saying to my DH 'shares have gone up recently haven't they?' and my DH was trying to explain that different shares are worth different amounts and they go up and down all the time. They are just very naive and understandably excited and I suppose I don't want them to get knocked back when they realise that this money may well take a little while to come through and it may be a different amount to the amount they have in their head.

I don't think I am bitter and jealous, we actually used an inheritance to help us buy our own house a few years back. I am jealous that they are mentally well and living their lives as normal though but I think that is normal for where I am at the moment. I am jealous of everybody doing that!

OP posts:

OlaRapaceFru · 17/04/2012 16:46

Here is a salutary story for your friends, fluffy.
When my Mum died, I was to inherit her BP shares (along with everything else).
At the date of her death, her BP shares were extremely 'healthy' and amounted to a decent amount of money.
Between her death and my actually getting the shares in my name (Probate process), BP had that disaster in America.
The value of Mum's BP shares at the date of her death and the date I finally got them in my name (after Probate had been granted) had dropped by 50%.

BTW, I don't think you're bitter and jealous at all - reading between the lines, you're obviously going through a few traumas of your own. I think you're really kind that you can think of your friends at the moment.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 17/04/2012 16:50

Yanbu, op, they definitely should not have offered! Lets hope the EA does his/her job and quickly realises that this couple are offering to buy with nothing in the bank. Its shocking they could be quite so clueless, really.

Flip