Attending relatives 80th birthday party

[WhyAlwaysBoris]

Dh and i just invited to his relatives 80th birthday party in Scotland in a few weeks. We just lost our first child at 20 weeks in the PG, so we are naturally a bit fragile. Handwritten on the bottom of the invite is "i know about your current cirucmstances but it is my 80th!! so come anyway".
I have massively taken offence and am refusing to go, my DH thinks we should. AIBU??

Thanks everyone for the help and support.
All feedback spot on!

I can see that she meant well, and i kind of seized on the remark as a way of not going because as someone commented up thread, i think i was secretly worried about coping if something completely insensitive was said, which is a possibility with this person.

I'm still embarrassed about how i reacted to something said to me a couple of weeks ago- it was totally outrageous (in my opinion)- "well, at least when you have another baby it will be easier as having this one will have stretched you out a bit)" but i then cried (with them still in the house) for two hours solidly- not good.

So i told DH last night i realise no offence was meant but still all a bit much for me at the moment, so he's going to go up with his siter in the car, which seems like a good solution and i'm very relieved
thanks all

That is an absolutely horrendous comment and you shouldn't be embarrassed for a second! What the hell were they thinking?

Glad you've come to a decision about the party. I hope your DH will be ok without you.

((more hugs))

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. You've had some awful comments at such a devastating time.

Given the later posts you've made about what this relative has done, she sounds entirely self-centred. I think you're doing the right thing in getting DH to go with his sister, and he can tell people that you're not able / well enough to attend.

thanks

Sorry for your loss.

I'd read that as the sender trying to acknowledge you may not be feeling like a party at the moment, but as it's their 80th they can't not invite you or change the timing.

They'd like you to come and accept you may not be on top form.

I really think love and sympathy are implied, unless the sender is a self centred bossy boots of course.

Bloody hell - that comment was horrific. You shouldn't be embarrassed - just proud of your self-restraint in not lamping them... fwiw I got quite used to crying uncontrollably in front of, oh, anyone and everyone - doctors, pharmacists, random people on the street. It really is nothing at all to be ashamed of.

I'm glad you have a plan for the party - you need to make sure you have a plan for you that weekend. I know it sounds heartless, but when we got dd1's diagnosis, we went out and bought loads of comedy dvds - needed not to think about it All The Time sometimes, iyswim? And it kind of worked - maybe get some distraction materials in place for when dh isn't around.