to have upset my mother?

[LoopyLoopsTootTootToots]

Grrrrrr.

Fairly often, when my mother is annoyed at me, she says little things to my children instead of to me, so I can hear them but she she doesn't have to confront me directly.

Just a minute ago we had words about cough medicine. My older DD has a cough, I explained that doctors don't recommend cough medicine for little children any more. She kept going on and on about it, so I asked to just stop the conversation. So, her retaliation is to say to little DD (a baby and can't understand) "oh your mum is so bossy, isn't she" - to which I say "please don't say that to her, reply: "well she is, isn't she?" etc. I know she can't understand, but the older one can and it happens quite often.

I'm afraid this time I called her on it. I'm not having her (not a very good mother tbh.) questioning my parenting, especially to my children.

MN jury?

It would annoy the hell out of me. My ex mil used to do similar, especially regarding doctors and illness.

Good on you for pulling her up on it. If she has something to say, she should say it to you.

Yeh that would really annoy me too. It's very undermining.

Does she really want you giving your kids sugary syrupy crap that there is no evidence helps coughs?

Yes, because it's been used for years. My argument about laudnum didn't help...

Urgh. Don't worry, my MIL is trying to get me to take DD to the Dr as she has had D&V for over 48hours.

I am a doctor....

Sounds like you're seeing too much of her!

Ha! That's brilliant!

You've got your thread title wrong. It should be

"AIBU to have reacted when my mother upset me?"

i'd be tempted to say 'get a backbone and say it to me' tbh.

yanbu

Lol @ facecrack.

Op yanbu.

Sounds like my mother! Making little comments to the kids! I've stopped my parents having my children overnight as all they did was moan about DH and I and slag us off to the DCs.

Ha-that´s a laugh-calling you bossy because you won´t do what she wants!

Did her mum bring you up or did she?

She should leave you along to bring up your children as you see fit.

And offer advice only-to be taken or not as you wish.

Your thread title seems a bit off to me too. You didn't set out to upset her. And if this were a case of you having unconsciously upset her by doing or saying something derogatory about her person or skills, you would apologise (presumably).

What she's doing is petty crap because she is miffed that you would not be controlled by her over your choice of what to give your child. She's calling you "bossy" (not even to your face, ffs) because, in fact, that's what she is, and you refused to give in.

Tell her you won't have it. Be confrontational. Confrontational does not have to be aggressive: "Mother, I do not want you to make comments about me to the children. Say what you have to say to me, directly, and keep the children out of it." Repeat as necessary, and decide what consequences you are ready and willing to enforce if she doesn't cut it out.

She didn't bring me up. I was in care.

Hot, that's exactly how I said it. It did upset her, but I did get the point across.

Sometimes, the cost of obtaining respect is upsetting those who think our boundaries should be smaller, to suit their own ends. You did well.

UANBU if she has a problem, she should tell you or shut up! Not involve the innocent children. That is completely out of order.
CR xx

Mum: Silly mummy's being bossy
Loopy: Rude grandma's leaving now because she can't keep a civil tongue in her head and we don't want you growing up to think that's OK, now do we?

my mum did this when ds1 was born. continuous digs, i asked her several times to stop. at about 5 months old i picked him up when she started doing it and said, ds1 if nasty grandma keeps undermining me like this we will be saying bye bye to her for a very long time.

i even used a ridiculous babyish voice to say it, she never did it again. she was in no position to question my parenting!

er, she is leaving now! (guilty...)

ugh.....my MIL did this with ds1 (who was well old enough to understand) a couple of year ago. I called her on it and it caused a hell of a row...she told my dh that I was lying and my PIL told him I was "nasty".

Things have improved since actually, because now they now I wont put up with it, that dh believes me, not her (she will never forgive me for that!) and now I know what the really think of me I dont try half as hard anymore as I used to.

"She didn't bring me up. I was in care."

Sorry-put my foot in it there.

Yes you have to keep asking her not to do this-it´s horrible to use children in this way-and to not respect your own wishes about your children.

Your mum needs to back off, maybe just try to meet her for coffee, IME parents are best in small doses and quite rarely, then you will have quality time together, if you have to ask her, to stop saying things like that one more time, just withdraw from her for a while.

lunar that's very good.

Ah, it's a bit more complicated than that I'm afraid, she lives too far away for it to be any less than staying for a few days.

Anyhow, off home shortly.

I do feel bad, because she doesn't see them all that often, but I'll not have my children used as a vehicle to criticise me.

She obviously had no qualms about upsetting you by making snide remarks to your baby about you so why should it bother you if she gets upset at your justified criticism of her?
OK of her to mention cough medicine. She should then have dropped the subject when you said it was no longer given.
I suspect if any relative made negative comments about me to my kids I would remove the child from her and tell her that if she had unpleasant comments to make about me she could say them to my face, and I'd ask her to leave parenting decisions to the parents.