to insist dd says sorry pleasantly for an accident.

[ditavonteesed]

she knocked a stool over completly by accident, but will not say sorry to dh (who it hit and really hurt) without this atitude.

How old is she?

How old is she?

nearly 9, not fifteen which is what you would think from the tone of her voice.

In that case YANBU. Is she just being pedantic in insisting if it was an accident there is nothing to apologise for? You maybe need to explain you are asking her to apologise for the outcome and not the intent?

I would say sorry for accidentally hurting someone and I would expect my DC to too.

However, when dealing with secondary students I have several times been accidentally barged into by students, sometimes when pregnant, and been faced with absolute refusal to apologise because 'it was an accident'.

So for me YANBU and well done for upholding manners!

she has done it now, although that was hard work. we always say sorry if we hurt each other whether on purpose or by accident. we are a bit of a clumsy family.

Could you explain to her that by saying sorry, you are expressing regret for what happened regardless of blame or fault?

I don't see the point of insisting someone saying a word they don't want to .

Being sorry and saying sorry aren't the same thing.

Pick your battles.

I think you'd be better off teaching her to ask him if he's alright and showing concern, rather than insisting on the word "sorry", if she's hung up on that word.

The attitude is about embarrassment and pride. There's a win-win here

What the hell hairytale ? So as an adult if you dropped something accidentally and it hurt someone the would you not say "oh so sorry, you ok?"

We are here to teach our children about empathy and sympathy. The fact that they say it begrudgingly(sp?) or not, it is a lesson in manners!

All of this "well it isn't sincere so therefore useless" is bollocks. Yes it maybe true the sincerety isn't there ...yet. But in the long term a lesson is being taught IMHO.

voddie do you believe it's really productive to teach people to say or behave as if they feel something they dont?

"I didn't mean to" would be enough of a statement for me to avoid a battle of

"say sorry"
"no"
"say sorry"
"no"

Ad infinitum.

I agree with Voddie. Avoiding a short term battle is not justification for allowing a child away with unacceptable behaviour. She has to learn to say sorry when she is in the wrong, whether she truly 'feels' it now isn't really the point. Social discourse is littered with niceties we use to oil the wheels, all of which we don't necessarily feel.

I would agree with you Hairy if the child was a toddler but at 9 years old as the ops child is there is no excuse for rudeness. If she is not expected to say sorry at 9 then when, 12,15, never?