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Original poster

........to think that life is passing me by....

26 replies

MightyMeerkat · 15/04/2012 17:43

I will be 35 in a few months and feel like life is passing me by.

I work long hours in what, until recently, I thought was a successful career. Now it turns out that my successful career is at a bit of a dead end.

The thing is I have made a lot of sacrifices over the years for my career. So I suddenly find myself at 35 with no friends (they all got married and had kids and I was left behind), no relationship (been too busy to sustain one in last 15 years), no kids (and no prospect of any), crappy small flat (which I can't sell in the current market), no close by family, no money to try something new or to get away from it all.....

I kick myself now for putting everything into my job and worry that I am going to be alone in a job I hate with nothing to show for my life. Do other people feel like this? Or am I just feeling sorry for myself?

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 15/04/2012 17:47

Do you want children and a relationship as you can have that, you ate not too old for that

Auntiestablishment · 15/04/2012 17:49

Can you revitalise your career? Or use your transferable skills to do something less dead-end-ish?

Do you actually want friends/kids/relationship? None is compulsory, even if society wants you to think they are.

Rent out your flat, get a sabbatical (or resign) bugger off for 6 months travelling, and spend the time letting the answers come to you.

Bon voyage.

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten · 15/04/2012 17:49

Dating sight? It is not too late to meet someone if thats what you want.

McSnail · 15/04/2012 17:52

35's still young. I didn't really start my 'career' 'til then, and didn't have my daughter until I was 37. Take heart.

juneau · 15/04/2012 17:59

Agreed - it's not too late to change things if you want to - but if you DO want to have kids you need to start focusing on your dating life and being proactive. You could well have anything up to 10 years of fertility left, but that's not a given and the sooner you get started the better chance you'll have of success.

As for your career - people start over or change careers all the time these days, so if you want a change of direction you certainly aren't too old to do that. I'll have to restart my career at some point and I'm likely to be over 40 by then.

Bokkanikkaglory · 15/04/2012 18:08

Try a dating site - that's how I met my DH. Joined dateline a dating sight and had the cheek to say I only wanted to join for 6 months - had a few interesting dates but then met my now DH - we've been together for 17 years now and have DD who i pushed out at the grand old age of 41 Try it - good luck.

Original poster
MightyMeerkat · 15/04/2012 18:29

Thanks for all our encouraging replies. You have all made some good points. I think part of the trouble might be that I dont know what I want. Until recently, I would have said my career was enough. But now I'm thinking that there has to be more to life. I will give the dating site a go - at least then I am moving in the right direction if I do want to have kids! As for a job, I think a change might be the answer - will have to get up my courage for that one though! The idea of starting a new career, probably on less money, is a terrifying one!

OP posts:
slipperandpjsmum · 15/04/2012 19:04

Maybe you could look at re-training? What area is your current career?

Original poster
MightyMeerkat · 15/04/2012 20:09

Law. The opportunities to re-train are a bit limited in the current climate. At least without going back to full-time study and I'm not sure that is something I can face again!

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 15/04/2012 20:14

It's not too late. I was lodging, had been single for years, enjoying my job but wanting a change, no prospects of children (though admittedly I wasn't bothered about having any)... then at 34.5yo I met a man, got engaged to him at 35, got a wonderful new job soon after, married at 36, bought a house together soon after, had DD (now nearly 4yo) at 37. It's been a wonderful whirlwind that I'd never have been able to predict.

Hang in there! And in the meantime, look for re-training/new job and go out and enjoy life (I met my DH at some obscure film club thing!).

Bokkanikkaglory · 15/04/2012 20:20

Mighty meerkat - when I worked in law a few of the lawyers at the firm I was with went on to become teachers

BsshBossh · 15/04/2012 20:23

Quite a few ex-lawyers lecturing at university, if you fancy that. I'm sure you won't need a PhD if you're qualified.

parakeet · 15/04/2012 20:24

You are 34? You are in your SEXUAL PRIME woman!

Now go make the most of it...

Panamama · 15/04/2012 20:25

While you're thinking and striving towards all of the big things you want, maybe some redecorating of your flat is in order? You describe it as small and crappy but a makeover may help, making it more a friendly place to come home to. Repainting, buying small items and so on. Could you afford to do that, a bit at a time? It can be disheartening to come home to somewhere you don't like very much.

Chubfuddler · 15/04/2012 20:27

I knew you were a lawyer as soon as I read your op. so many women in your shoes.

You can keep your career and have the relationship/friends/children. You can. Honestly. What's your firm like - massive presenteeism culture or comprised of human beings?

Original poster
MightyMeerkat · 15/04/2012 21:59

Your replies are cheering me up, thanks! I had a bad week at work last week and a crappy weekend so started my own pity party, I think!

I took your advice and have signed up to a dating website so watch this space.....!

And your're right about my flat, Panamana - a bit of decorating will help to make it less depressing to come home to.

As for the career, I think that one will take longer to sort out. I have always thought glass ceilings were a thing of the past - that was until I very recently hit it! You are right, Chub, a lot of women in law are in my shoes. We are made very aware early on that its career or family. I was happy with career when I could see a future in it but I'm not prepared to work hard and sacrifice everything for the next few decades to get no further than I have already.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 15/04/2012 22:02

There's no reason why having children has to hold you back in law. I was already a mother when I qualified two years ago. Our latest equity partner is a part time working woman. There's a terrifying poster on mn who is a lawyer, got her own practice and four or five children. It can be five if you want. But you don't have to have a husband and children just because society expects you to.

Chubfuddler · 15/04/2012 22:02

Done not five

LibrarianByDay · 15/04/2012 22:06

It certainly isn't too late for you if you want a relationship, children, etc. Trust me, in 5 years time you'll look back and wonder why you thought 35 was so old. :o

totallyskint · 15/04/2012 23:17

It's just how you are feeling at the moment, it isn't how it has to stay.

If you are a lawyer you are probably very organised. So start with a list of changes you want to make:

  1. Redecorate flat
  2. Start dating (you can already check this one off)
  3. Book yourself something nice like a week at a beach and take surfing lessons. You'll have a cool time and probably meet lots of fit men.

Your life is just beginning Smile

kelly2525 · 15/04/2012 23:41

You aren't old and life will only pass you by if you allow it to.

I was 37 a couple of weeks ago, I have an unexpected unplanned 14m old, at the age of 35 my cushy, selfish, single, happy self became a single, knackered, working mother, and I wouldn't change it or turn the clock back for anything.

Don't pressure yourself, don't think you must have marriage and babies by the time your x age, go with the flow, date and have fun.

rudeawakening · 16/04/2012 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juneau · 16/04/2012 13:12

Is changing job be an option? Could you work for a different type of firm that might be a better fit?

Good for you signing up for the dating agency and if you can't move you should definitely redecorate. Sometimes, tweaking what you already have is enough to give you that new lease of life you're looking for.

porcamiseria · 16/04/2012 17:06

today is the first day of the rest of your life
cheesy byt very true

so now you have realised career is not b all and end all

time to think about you, what makes you tick?

cooking/reading/travel/holidays

maybe even moving to be nearer to home

its a blessing you learnt this, now you can start (baby steps) to work towards what u want

and you are a BABY!!!!! 34 is young

porcamiseria · 16/04/2012 17:07

and you have some £££££, as working

and gazillions in negative equity, so make your home more loveable