To strongly dislike one of my DP female friends?

[bluetea]

Before I met my new partner, he was married and had lots of shared friends with his wife. Once divorced, they have both remained friends with the friends, although they dont see them at the same time. I have met most of his friends and get on well with lots of them. However there is this one couple who I just cannot get on with. The wife of this friendship is best friends with my partners ex wife. On the few occasions that we have met, she has told me that she is best friends with the ex. I said, oh, thats nice! Im not too sure exactly what it is that she expects me to say!! She really grates on me. She is not welcoming, friendly or nice to me in any way. It really annoys my DP that I dont get on with her, even though he knows how she treats me and what she has said. He doesnt want to rock the boat, as they are the head of the group of friends. We have a few social outing coming up soon and they will be there. I always feel left out. She intimidates me. My DP can see how much she upsets me, but he says that I have to let it go and get over it, move on. I really cant stand her, and dont want to go where she is, but he does. I dont know what to do.

Have you any friends of your own? Does your DP socialise with them or is it all his friends and on his terms??

I find it odd he wants you to be pally with EVERYONE he and his ex were friendly with. The law of averages state that won't be probable. He should be pleased you've made an effort.

I agree - the problem is him.

When someone spouts venom at you on the back of you being pregnant to her friend. It's safe to say that YANBU. The fact that he's admitted that he's a sheep (which he has done by calling her the leader) doesn't bode well for a positive reaction from him about this, but you owe it to yourself to find out from the horses mouth how high you rank in the pecking order here.

The more I read OP, the more I think your DP is taking the piss.

This woman is making catty remarks to you, his pregnant partner, and he is doing nothing to stop her? I'd be livid and let down. He needs to get his priorities right and stop being afraid of upsetting some shallow Queen Bee.

You cannot possibly be expected to spend your life in a way that doesn't upset his ex, which is effectively what toxic friend wants.

Hi bluetea, how are things today?

We have been invited to a wedding overseas, it is her brother in laws wedding, and the ex will be there and obviously so will she be. this will be the first time that i meet the ex. It will be especially difficult with both of them there together. The other friend has already made it clear that he is worried that it may well be the 2 girls on one side, with me and my DP on the other. the friend doesnt want that to happen.

I think it would be well worth arranging to meet your DH's ex prior to this wedding .. not for your first meeting to take place under the interested gaze of a crowd of friends. Get the initial meeting over with in advance and the prospect of the wedding will become less daunting IMO. Good luck :)

Have a drunken shrieking match with her infront of everyone - it will definitely sort things out one way or another :o

Does the toxic friend have carte blanche to invite people to her BIL's wedding? How odd. Maybe she's a pushy cow to fsmily, too! Very off of her to engineer things so you get put in your place at a timr when standing up to hrr eould be monstrously rude to a B&G you hve nothing against! And she:s doing the ex no favours by stirring, either. What a bitch - to everyone!