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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up with this friend?

16 replies

PoorEv · 14/04/2012 22:03

I meet up every few weeks with 4 other friends for a few drinks and a take away. We have all known each other for years, and used to meet up every week, but see each other less these days as we all have families, work different hours etc etc

We've seen 'friend no.4' twice in about the last 8 meet ups because she has double booked us. (and we are always the ones to be dropped)

Good Friday we all agreed we were free to meet etc so planned our normal evening to catch up. Just before I went out, I had a quick look on Facebook, to see 'friend no.4' asking on her status whether anyone was about to meet her for a drink after work. I said to DH I bet she doesn't turn up.

And I was right. About 8ish, my friend receives a text from her saying "I won't be coming tonight mate, give my love to the girls". No explanation or apology. Clearly she had a better offer and wasn't ashamed to show it. Is this not rude when she had already arranged to see us? I was a bit annoyed about it, and after speaking to a different friend today, she asked why I bothered being friends with her...I'm now wondering! Hmm

AIBU/a grumpy cow to think I should just not bother asking her along anymore? Or just accept that she is the sort of friend to continually cancel on you, but may make an appearance now and again if she has nothing else on?

OP posts:
lovebunny · 14/04/2012 22:04

ditch her. she's ok about ditching you...

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 14/04/2012 22:06

Just keep meeting up with the others and stop asking her to join you. She obviously doesnt rate your friendship very much.

Original poster
PoorEv · 14/04/2012 22:15

Well thats what I was thinking...it wouldn't be anything nasty, I would still chat to her if I bumped in to her in the street or something, but I just can't be arsed to include her anymore in our meet ups.
Sad thing is, she is actually really good fun to be around.

OP posts:
carols9995 · 14/04/2012 22:19

Yanbu.

saladsandwich · 14/04/2012 22:22

do you know why she is dropping you?

fedupofnamechanging · 14/04/2012 22:25

I'd ditch her too - what she is doing is really rude.

Whatmeworry · 14/04/2012 22:26

Social Gazumper. Ditch.

Original poster
PoorEv · 14/04/2012 22:26

Salad - we are not her 'best' friends, so I'm guessing if someone closer to her invites her to something on the same evening, she decides to go along to that instead.
If I see her in the Street, she always says us 5 need to get together again, and to not forget her when arranging...and then most of the time she doesn't turn up anyway!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PoorEv · 14/04/2012 22:28

Whatmeworry - I think you've hit the nail on the head with 'social gazumper'

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/04/2012 23:01

I know a social gazumper too and I've stopped bothering with her. She lives in a town a fair distance away and kept inviting DS and I over for lunch and then either cancelling last minute or being uncontactable for the days before when I was trying to confirm what time we should go over. I'm polite now if she speaks to me on FB but I don't make any arrangements with her now, there is no point as if something/someone better comes along she is off!

wellwisher · 15/04/2012 19:28

I would have put on her FB status "are you no longer joining us for drinks then?"

But I'm stroppy like that Grin

MummytoKatie · 15/04/2012 21:08

If it was me I'd still invite but not factor her into the planning. So you and the other 3 decide when works for you to meet up then you text / email her to say "we're meeting on Tuesday. It would be lovely if you could make it". If she comes great. If not -well it doesn't matter as it is when suits you anyway.

The trick is to not change arrangements for someone like that. So if she texts back that she can't do Tues but is free on Weds then you just reply "oh - such a shame - hopefully we'll see you soon". You don't rush round swapping to Wednesday. (Even if you can all make Wednesday and the only reason you chose Tuesday is because you want to watch the apprentice.)

HalfPastWine · 15/04/2012 21:30

Grin at wellwisher

I would have done that too and taken great pleasure in it!

totallyskint · 15/04/2012 23:13

I know someone like this. Whenever we ran into each other she'd make a song and dance about wanting to catch up then cancel last minute. So the next time we ran into each other and she said she wanted to catch up I laughed and said it was a nice idea but let's face it, it'll never happen. And now when we run into each other there is no pressure, we have a wee chat then we're on our way.

AutumnSummers · 16/04/2012 07:23

It's completely fine to want to ditance yourelf from someone like this. YANBU.

Megatron · 16/04/2012 08:14

Agree with Mummytokatie that's the best plan. I have a friend like this too (doesn't everybody?Grin). About 6 of us meet up every 6 weeks or so and go for a meal and one always says she'll be there but rarely appears. If she does fine, if not, we weren't really expecting her anyway. She's lovely so it's nice to see her but she is not really factored in any more, especially if a deposit is required for a bigger event. We know she'll say 'oh just pay for me I'll give it to you when I see you' then not turn up for the event anyway.

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