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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paranoid.

17 replies

Machasma · 14/04/2012 20:55

My cousins 6 week old son died this week. SIDS. Everyone is devestated. All trying to help where and as we can. But in the middle of all this I have become completely unrational and paranoid about my 17 month old son. I'm terrified something will happen to him. I constantly check him when he's sleeping I wake up panicking in the night and have to check. I feel a bit mad. But life feels so precious at the moment and like it can be taken so easily. Not sure what I wanted from this thread. Just a vent I think.

OP posts:

madmouse · 14/04/2012 20:57

Sounds very normal to me. What a horrible shocking event . You are having a normal reaction to a traumatic event that has rubbed your nose in the fact that sometimes babies die. Keep an eye on bit it will most likely settle in time. It's only happened this week. Your emotions are all over the place x

cheekybarsteward · 14/04/2012 20:58

YANBU. Just grieving.

madmouse · 14/04/2012 20:58

ouch mangled sentence. keep an eye on it but it will most likely settle in time

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2012 20:59

I agree. See how you feel in a couple of weeks and get some CBT or similar if you are feeling worse.

So sorry for your loss.

Jayfer · 14/04/2012 21:00

Oh that it so so sad, truly tragic.
It is totally normal to feel like you do.

If it helps you could buy a monitor that measures movement and breathing? An alarm goes off if it doesn't register anything for a while (sorry I don't know the details). It might make you rest slightly easier.

Original poster

Machasma · 14/04/2012 21:01

I also feel very guilty around my cousin. I don't want her to have to see my son or baby toys or nappies etc! I know it's stupid. but can't even to begin to imagine what's she's feeling.

OP posts:

madmouse · 14/04/2012 21:03

I would leave it 6 to 8 weeks rather than a couple - it takes that long for things to settle down a bit and as long as things go ok by that time there is no need for CBT or other treatment.

As for a monitor - we used one of those for my ds as he had scary episodes as a newborn, but even though he's disabled he still created masses of false alarms by the age of 1. A healthy 17 month old will set the alarm off several times a night.

madmouse · 14/04/2012 21:04

She has no idea what she's feeling herself at this stage if it happened this week.

The feelings of guilt are again normal, but don't assume unspoken that she won't want to see your child.

GracieW · 14/04/2012 21:58

Your poor cousin.

You check your DS as much as you need to.

For you both xx

catgirl1976 · 14/04/2012 22:02

Oh I am so sorry

You are not being paranoid - its a perfectly normal reaction to a terrible tragedy

doctordwt · 14/04/2012 22:05

Perfectly perfectly normal stress/grief reaction.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss and for your poor cousin.

Take care.

ImperialBlether · 14/04/2012 22:06

How awful for your poor cousin. No wonder you're paranoid now. You might feel better if you took your child to the doctor for a full checkup - I'm sure everything's okay but it might help to reassure you.

I've just checked and apparently it's unheard of after 12 months.

badtasteflump · 14/04/2012 22:06

So sorry for your loss and your poor cousin

Is your baby in your room? If not you could maybe move his cot next to your bed so you can keep checking without having to disturb your own sleep so much. But either way, your reaction is completely normal IMHO. You're grieving and your baby nerves are all over the place. Try to look after yourself and give yourself time.

Debeez · 14/04/2012 22:07

You're not mad or paranoid. You're having a perfectly normal reaction to a traumatic event. You can't shield your cousin from your son or his toys and you shouldn't feel guilty for having a healthy son. I agree you can't possibly understand what she's feeling but I doubt she'd want you to. Be there for her as much as you can, listen to her and let her grieve. If you need to talk and vent there's boards with loads of traffic like AIBU where you'll always get an answer day or night or I believe there are also specialist boards for dealing with grief.

Sincere love to you all. xx

badtasteflump · 14/04/2012 22:08

Sorry didn't read your OP properly and thought your baby was 17 weeks, not 17 months. You probably wouldn't want to move him back to your room now...

Original poster

Machasma · 14/04/2012 22:11

Thankyou for you kind words. I can't see or speak to her without crying and feel selfish as its her loss not mine. God I wish there was something I could do. Wish it wasn't true.

OP posts:

teahouse · 14/04/2012 22:12

You are not being paranoid - you are bound to be affected by this and it is totally reasonable for you to be worried for your child.

As for your cousin, she will be grieving but don't distance yourself from her at a time she may need you most. There are a number of charities you can contact and put her in contact with if she isn't being supported that way.
this link gives a list of some but there is also sands and child bereavement.

People often drift away from the bereaved. Just be there for her; so long as she knows you are there that will help - try to be fairly normal too although clearly acknowledging her loss. It's going to a tough time for you all.

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