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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i told a boy off at the zoo today mum was not amused , so was i

81 replies

Mrsjay · 14/04/2012 00:22

was at a local zoo today and a family walked towards us , Mum declared the pigs they were heading towards was ugly/stinking/vile so her son picked up a stone and was going to throw it at the pigs , mum said put that down , meanwhile his brother ( ithink ) picked up a stone and i said with a voice your mum said not to do that with a smile , Mum then went on to tut at me , i shouldve just kept my mouth shut sigh

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 14/04/2012 09:26

Yanbu I'd have no problem with someone telling my child not to throw a stone at a pig and correcting them that pigs aren't dirty and vile in fact I'd be glad you did and I'd be bloody fuming at my kid too!!!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 14/04/2012 09:28

Aw madam poor cat! U totally did right thing too !!!

SydSaid · 14/04/2012 09:29

How strange, to tut when you were backing her up! YANBU and pay no heed to the tutting mum

Ambrosius · 14/04/2012 09:31

YANBU.

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 09:36

How do you know she didnt have it under control though?

Ive got 3 sons and when they were younger I felt a bit like a spinning octopus trying [successfully on the whole] to keep them 'in check'

It may not have looked like that to bystanders though but I would have been irked at someone else butting in, I can see that in some cases its helpful but I think on the whole it isnt.

You probably just make the parent feel embarrassed and inadequate, when really they were doing fine.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 14/04/2012 09:36

Given as it's been proven that children who abused animals do often grow up to be abusive to people as adults u did her a massive favor in backing up that it's not acceptable behavior ! And anyone who thinks that telling a child off for hurting an animal is an overreaction is gonna have a nasty shock :(

AmberLeaf · 14/04/2012 09:37

My children never tried to throw stones at a pig though!

catsmother · 14/04/2012 09:41

I'll always remonstrate with both kids (unless their parents are immediately on the job of course) and adults who taunt animals in zoos. I don't give a damn about "sticking my nose in" or "offending" some oik who thinks that distressing and/or hurting an animal is part and parcel of their day's entertainment. IME, it's actually adults who are worst at this - and again, IME, it's usually thick men showing off to their thick girlfriends by making out what a "big man" they are by winding up, for example, chimps (which are inevitably referred to as "monkeys") or lions by banging on the glass, screeching etc. I've been sworn at a few times by these charming types because I've "humiliated" them by pointing out they're distressing animals, being cruel, and/or frightening nearby kids with their stupid display and effing & blinding but don't care. Have threatened to call keepers over and have them slung out at which point they slink off muttering .... just don't know why people like that bother going to zoos at all.

Sometimes think it's a shame that there's glass and barriers separating these prats from the animals .... think they'd much prefer some "nosey cow" telling them what's what rather than an adult chimp making his displeasure clear ....

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 14/04/2012 09:48

Totally right catsmother in an ideal world we wouldn't need zoos but due to destruction of habitats they are the only way some species have a chance of replenishing their numbers and they play an important part in educating people. They may be on display as that's hoe they raise the money for all the medical treatment and breeding programs, and they deserve to be treated with respect and not taunted, poked with sticks etc like you said. It's not big it's not clever and y spend all that money visiting animals they clearly don't give a crap about?! If there's one thing I succeed in with my children it will be to love and respect and be kind to animals!

Goldenbear · 14/04/2012 10:07

What a silly woman - stupid parenting at its best! I hate it when people talk about animals they have no clue about with some kind of authority and by default encourage their children to have these vile attitudes towards particular animals. It always seems to be pigs and pigeons or segulls. I was at a play area at the seaside where a parent was proclaiming that pigeons were rodents with wings, it was no surprise that the child was chasing the poor things trying to hit them with a stick!

GinPalace · 14/04/2012 10:11

FWIW MrsJay if I had been that Mum I would have thanked you and backed you up - particularly as you weren't being a meanypants about it. :)

echt · 14/04/2012 10:40

You did the right thing, OP, and don't let the feckers grind you down.

BlackOutTheSun · 14/04/2012 10:47

YANBU

if my dd did something like that and she better bloody not , i have no problems with someone telling her off

mollymole · 14/04/2012 11:04

Well Done You

Red2011 · 14/04/2012 11:28

I would have said something too - to the child and the mother. In fact I got a killer glare off a mother the other day as I was trying to negotiate DD in her buggy though a narrow doorway when two children (aged about 8) pushed past me. All I said was 'saying "excuse me" is polite if you want to get past'.
Hey ho

babybythesea · 14/04/2012 11:38

As someone who has worked in zoos for years, thanks for stepping in!
The idea that a child should have the opportunity to learn something by hurting an animal is outrageous - and 9 or 10 is far too old to be chucking stones around. Plus, as the animal is safely held away from the child, what exactly does the child learn? They can cause pain to something else if it can't retaliate?
The thing that people often forget is that they visit the zoo for a day. The animal is there permanently. They have the right not to be hurt in their own home. And what if one child a day takes it in to their head to see what happens if you throw a stone at the pig? The pig has to live with it every day?

You did absolutely the right thing.

WatneyShed · 14/04/2012 12:31

Maybe she was tutting about her son, rather than the op?

Poulay · 14/04/2012 12:43

Perhaps she didn't like the reference to her. As in 'Your mum told you not to do that', implies that the mother has no authority over her children.

You could have just said 'Put that stone down.'

Poulay · 14/04/2012 12:44

I.e. no appeal to authority was necessary.

Savannahgirl · 14/04/2012 14:19

I was sitting in a shoe shop whilst DS's were being fitted, when I felt, at first, a gentle tap on the head (which I ignored) then a much harder whack, which I did not ignore Angry!

Turned round to see a girl of around 5, unsupervised by Mum who was busy perusing shoes for other DD, giggling and lurking behind the seat I was on.

I said nothing, but gave her a look that would have turned my DC's to stone.
She knew she was rumbled, went very red and trotted off to Mum, who was none the wiser as to her daughter's behaviour.

Still wonder to this day whether I should have said something and risked mother's wrath, or best left it as it was, hoping the little girl had learnt from my quiet, but clear reaction? Blush

Original poster
Mrsjay · 14/04/2012 14:24

savanna i think the look was enough Grin
Tbh i started this thread as WWYD rather than aibu , i dont regret saying what i did I said it out of a bit of panic , maybe i shouldve said put it down or throw him a look , and maybe mum was embarassed that somebody spoke to her son for being naughty , i would do it again though, and risk being tutted at ,

OP posts:
Savannahgirl · 14/04/2012 14:35

Yes, Mrsjay - I think you just have to pick your battles I suppose.

Judge the situation, if it's not worth the consequences, stay "schtum" - or if it's something that really needs addressing, then go for it....

A lot of the time my reaction to things is definitely driven by hormones...Grin

ivanapoo · 14/04/2012 14:36

YANBU. I have recently taken to telling groups of teenagers where the nearest bin is when they "drop" litter on the street. Have been laughed at but not beaten up yet...

jaggythistle · 14/04/2012 14:45

YANBU.

DH got hassle off a neighbour's friend when he took a traffic cone off a load of kids playing outside our old house. it was huge and heavy with the base full of sand and the older kids were throwing it around with no regard for the wee toddlers in among them. :( oldest was probably only 7. the fairly pissed dad of one of them came out and huffed because DH took it and put it in the bin. the actual neighbour came out later and gushed at DH in an impressed fashion though. drunk guy was threatening DH but he just stood there while he ranted- i think he could see he was fairly wobbly!

DH also intervened another time when the bairns were using a big car wheel trim they'd found as a frisbee in the street! it had already hit a (luckily old and rusty) car in the street!

man, i miss living in that street...

jaggythistle · 14/04/2012 14:51

DH seems to have a knack for getting into these things... he recently made 2 kids (aged at least 10 or so) pick up their discarded chip plates and juice cans when we were in the play park one day with DS. they'd just launched them onto the grass while sitting on the equipment. no parents to tut on that occasion though.

so your litter crusade seems fair enough Ivana! the boys initially looked at DH like Hmm but did eventually take the stuff to the bin about 10 feet away!