Regarding IL who refuses to speak to me?

[Arachnophobic]

More like a WWYD....and i know this could be placed in relationships but more traffic here.

Me and DP are approaching 10 years of togetherness. He is from a large family and whilst my background and opinions are very to different to theirs we muddle through. My PIL are excellent with the DGC.

The only problem is my SIL. She has made it clear in her manner that she doesn't like me. We have had our differences in the past which I don't want to go into in case I am outed but I have always been polite and chatty with her, asking about work, her kids etc.

Trouble is its completely one sided. I make all the conversation, and when I do speak she will attempt to look away and disengage. Unsure if it's awkwardness or she just dislikes me. She is known in the past for having difficult relationships with people, so DP and others have said. She was at one time fine with me and could easily converse, not so now.

This isn't a pointless friendship that can be broken so has anyone been in this situation and WWYD?

Why do you bother if she can't be bothered?

My DS adores her kids, she is my DPs sister blah blah blah.

It doesn't sit right with me that there are 2 people in a room together and one can't even be civil. This is alien to me!

Thats no excuse for putting up with plain rudeness.

Familys are a pita!

I would do what you are doing. Keep up the killing with kindness, the longer you do it the more unreasonable she will seem from the outside. And what's the alternative really? A family row?

I am in this situation. My husband's stepmother and step sister wouldn't even say hi to me the last time we saw each other. It's strange because it hasn't always been like this, we've been together for 15 years and in the beginning we all got along fine (I thought). Clearly I have done something that displeased them, but I'll be damned if I can think what it might be.

I agree with Sarcalogos. Just keep doing what you are doing, but choose to look at it differently. Don't talk to her hoping that one day she will change her mind and be civil, instead hope that you can keep up your 'killing with kindness' plan for as long as possible, and know that you will always be the bigger person.

I have this situation. I made sure key family members were aware, let them see how she reacted with their own eyes then it was easy to explain why I would no longer make any effort.

I was prepared to act the same towards her if people felt I should continue communicating and have it out with her, I may have to one day in the future anyway as I won't tolerate active bitchiness.

I have this with DHs cousin's wife, which I know sounds quite distant, but MILs family get together almost weekly. She wasn't always like it either, we use to get on. I've told my MIL the sorts of things that she does (rebuking me when I made several extra special efforts to rekindle the friendship), but MIL just makes excuses for her. DH and I decline all invitations from this particular cousin and keep a wide berth at family parties. I have neither the inclination nor the energy for it. We dont even greet each other anymore.

If you don't want to tackle it head on "I have noticed that you don't appear to like me, is that something you would like to talk about? Have I upset you in some way?" or have your husband do similar, then it is probably best to act like you haven't noticed.

Smile, a cheery hello, chat away and pretend to not notice at ALL that she isn't participating. You will look like the better person and she will look like a petty fool (plus it will drive her nuts, which is always a fun thing )