To not be able to get over this and to end a 10 year friendship?

[Aworryingtrend]

I will try and make this as brief as possible, there's so much to say!

I am happily pregnant after 18 months TTC. My good friend knew we were TTC as when she asked me to be her bridesmaid for her wedding in October I apologetically declined as I explained I would hopefully either be pregnant or have a newborn.

I get pregnant and the baby is due in October, a week after friend's wedding. I break this to friend as gently as possible but she starts acting very strangely (I did post on here about someof the things she did) including ringing me especially to tell me about a friends MC at 12 weeks, suggesting I start doing an Ab Blast exercise DVD and insisiting on organising a birthday party for me- when I would be 36 weeks pregnant.

I was due to visit friend for a weekend (to do wedding-related things) and 3 days before we were due to go I started bleeding. Thankfully we had a scan and all was ok but obviously it gave me a scare and I was feeling very vulnerable. I ummed and ahhed as to whether to go but went anyway as I wanted to support her in her wedding plans and also thought it may take my mind of things.

The weekend was an unmitigated disaster- too much happened to go into detail but friend behaved appallingly including starting an arguament because she wanted to organise me a baby shower (I don't want her to), accusing me of putting on weight and not letting me have an extra biscuit, teling me my morning sickness was all in my head and la piece resistance- telling me "not to get too excited about the baby, as anything could happen".

In addition friend also told me her wedding would be 'ruined' if I wasn't there, she will be in tears on the day if I am not there and it won't feel like her wedding if I am not there'.

The weekend ends badly, she sort of apologises but not in what I would call a fullsome way and she continues to text me as normal. I then send a very polite email saying I am having trouble getting over what she has done and I need some space. She rings me and isn't happy but eventually understands she says.

However a week later she then resumes texting me on a daily basis, no mention of anything that happened just chit chat. I still cannot get over what happened but I simply havent the strength to have it out with her again. They are also due to come and visit us in May and I sinmply cannot get past what she has done.

Please help as I just don't know what to do next. I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you.

Thanks all. I think time is what is needed here. I am really hoping that after the wedding normal service will be resumed as she has been bridezilla of epic proportions.

Lambzig I do feel like am being bullied at the moment. She is texting me at least once a day in spite of my wishes for some space and that is rankling. I just don't know if I have the will to have to spell it out yet again though.

I agree with saf tbh.

She sounds incredibly childish and immature, and thoughtless to boot, but perhaps the wedding has just made her a bit daft. Has she generally been a kind and good friend and it is worth keeping on with it? Only you can know that. However it may well be that you have reached a fork in the road, and that you have both changed, and the friendship should be left to die a death.

I just wouldn't necessarily make that decision now, tbh.

Congratulations on the baby btw.

Just ignore her texts, see if they stop.

Has she always been the centre of attention in your relationship? Because she does sound as if she is jealous of any attention you are getting, and is trying to be the focus of your attention again. I think she may be consciously or unconsciously jealous of the baby, and hence their weird comments.

Yes, I have always been the very placid one, no dramas to speak of whereas over the years she has had a lot going on and there always seemed to be sdome 'oh my god you will never believe what has happened NOW' situation. I agree that she is unused to me having something major going on as although DH and I are married it was a very small stress-free wedding and I was definitely not bridezilla!

I would avoid anybody who gives you that much stress when pregnant, you can worry about her reasons for being the way she is when you have a healthy baby in your arms and are fully recovered yourself. Until then you need to zone out and keep yourself as calm, peaceful and healthy as possible because all of those things affect the pregnancy.

If she doesn't want to be supportive, that's fine, leave her be. Don't engage in her silly attention seeking dramas, it just encourages her and it's not healthy for you.

That's a real shame Leq.

It is horrible when friendships go wrong. My best friend from when I was 18 - she and I just completely fizzled out. We had nothing in common any more - still lives at home with her parents in her mid 30s, nowt wrong with that but she still just wanted to go out and get plastered, or go on days out to Drayton Manor. I loved doing that when I was younger, but not now. She thought I had turned into a boring bastard (perhpas she had a point) and I just thought she was childish. We didn't have a row, just gave up calling (she lives in my home town) and that was that. We were very important to each other for well over 10 years and it is very sad to have lost that. But every time we met up we wouldn't have fun exactly, just enjoy reminiscing about the past when we did genuinely enjoy each others company.

Still miss her though.

this woman is nothing but a negative force in your life. i had a similar childhood 'friend' i had to cut out of my life a while ago. best thing i ever did tbh.

She sounds terrified of her future.
When I was 25 my best friend got pregnant and their lives changed so much. I watched them grow up. I didn't really want a baby then, I wasn't jealous of the baby bit, but I was jealous of their groundedness, their adulthood. I was scared of being a real adult. Nothing I said made any impact on them any more as they had their grown-up things to do. It was hard and although I've gone on and had children, even years and years later it's not the same.