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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to get an injunction?

21 replies

TheRealMrsHannigan · 13/04/2012 11:07

Bit of a long story so I will try and be brief but not miss any important bits. DH and I have been together for almost 10 years, have been married almost a year and have a DC aged 3.

The year I fell pregnant, we discovered a relative of DH's friend, whom we knew a little as she used to come to our local pub etc had been telling all and sundry she'd been having an affair with DH (then DF) for the past year, he was going to leave me, move in with her and so on.

I didn't give her story any credence as she'd told people of a few times they'd supposedly been together, but I knew at certain times we'd been on holiday abroad for example, so her story was impossible anyway.

I spoke to her on the phone, told her I was pregnant and really didn't want to have to deal with idle gossip, and that she needed to get a grip. She was very abusive on the phone so I hung up on her. DH rang her mum (she is five years younger than me and was in her late teens at this point) as he knew her from the local area too, and basically asked her to sort out her daughter as it was embarrassing for all concerned. Her mum apologised profusely and was lovely about the whole incident.

Shortly afterward we moved as we'd been in process of buying our first home.

Knowing a lot of people from the area we'd moved from, gossip filtered through that she was saying similar things, we both chose to ignore it and focus on our new home, baby on the way, wedding planning etc.

Fast forward to today and it is STILL going on. It is absolutely bizarre and the final straw for me is her posting all over FB (we have both blocked her but like I said we both know people from the same area, and some people are now concerned for my safety) that he is only waiting for DC to be old enough to understand, then he is going to leave and move far away with her, that I am the only problem in her way and that she needs to make me 'disappear'. She also faked a pregnancy that dragged on for alomost a year, saying the hospital messed up her dates, then she'd had a miscarriage, even showing a scan photo (with the top section where mother's name should be conveniently cut off).

I feel like our marriage is constantly under attack, DH's name has been dragged through the mud by her and we have avoided or left early several friends parties etc because she has been there too and neither of us feels at all comfortable in her presence.

WIBU to ask for an injunction, do we even have grounds to do this? It has been 5 years since this started, we've tried to ignoring tactic, have made sure our friends know it is a pack of lies, but she is relentless with her stories, I am exhausted by it. I am pretty sure she needs help psychologically, but it is not our place to initiate that, she is making our lives very stressful.

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McPopcornMouseNFries · 13/04/2012 11:16

I think this might be better in legal or relations?

McPopcornMouseNFries · 13/04/2012 11:17

*relationships!

TheRealMrsHannigan · 13/04/2012 11:17

Apologies, you are probably right!

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Teeb · 13/04/2012 11:17

Could you go to the police? Harassment, slander, threatening behaviour etc. She does sound pretty unhinged, I think it's about time official parties got involved and had a strong word with her.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this, it must put an enormous amount of stress and pressure on you and your relationship, glad you can stick together through it.

TheRealMrsHannigan · 13/04/2012 12:07

We've been hesistant in involving the police before now, as there are a few mutual friends we share, DH is also on friendly terms with her cousin, it makes it very awkward but it's just gone on too long to ignore and shows no signs of fadin away as we'd hoped, especially as we now feel she is insinuating she may attempt violence or similar towards me.

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slug · 13/04/2012 12:39

I wonder if Social Services (showing my non-Brit ignorance here) or something similar would be better? It strikes me that this is a mental health issue.

The obsessiveness, the fake pregnancy, the delusions, the threats of violence...I'm not sure how to get these things started. Maybe the police would be able to get the ball rolling, especially if you stress you are more worried about her mental health than the threat to yourselves?

Proudnscary · 13/04/2012 12:43

A young woman has been claiming for many years on all manner of public forums and public places that she has been having a long term affair with your partner, and harassing and abusing you and you haven't been to the police??

Shock
wannaBe · 13/04/2012 12:47

have you posted about this before?

TheRealMrsHannigan · 13/04/2012 13:47

wannaBe no I've not posted on this before.

Proudnscary, Yes I realise it sounds strange when put like that, but I must stress it's not something we hear about daily, but it does crop up at least once every 2 months. She hasn't contacted me directly either, so I'm not sure legally what we could? That might not sound much, but over a 5 year period it's stressful and tense now when it inevitably comes up.
She had texted DH before, but we had his number changed and she hasn't (so far) gotten hold of the new one, his friends are under strict instructions to not give his number to her).

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schobe · 13/04/2012 13:51

You must go to the police. She needs help apart from anything else and it might just prompt her or her family to try and sort something out.

I'm not sure what to say. Put it this way, you have been extraordinarily restrained.

Now she needs to be restrained.

piellabakewell · 13/04/2012 13:55

Go to the police. We had to because of harassment by DP's ex and they were an enormous help. With the involvement of the police, her boss and DP's solicitor, it has mercifully stopped...for now, at least.

maddening · 13/04/2012 13:55

if there are any posts she has made threatening your safety then get someone to screen shot them and take to the police

Hoebag · 13/04/2012 14:15

I would go to the police it seems much more than a silly school girl antics, is it possible she has mental health problems of some kind??.

lolajane2009 · 13/04/2012 16:29

i'd definately go to the police before it gets worse still.

bobbledunk · 13/04/2012 17:42

Go to the police, she's mentally ill and needs intervention, this can only get worse.

namechangingagain · 13/04/2012 17:46

try to get someone who is on her FB, to screen shot it, then go to police.

fussbucket · 13/04/2012 17:52

She is mentally ill and needs to be steered towards getting help, she can't do this herself obviously so you're going to have to get the ball rolling and making a complaint of harassment is about the only way I can think of to do it.

grumblinalong · 13/04/2012 17:52

An ex of DH's did this to us for the first year we were together- even got a friend of hers to ring me up and say that she'd had a baby by DH and he needed to face up to his responsibilities. She hasn't ever had a baby Hmm

We did the whole switching phones, moving etc and it eventually died down but I did notice she is following DH's sisters around on FB (neither of us is on there as we're too worried about encouraging her)..this is 7 years later.

The police would treat it as harrassment and possibly threatening/abusive language/behaviour intended to cause emotional or physical harm and distress. I would def go to the police. Ring the non emergency number.

WilsonFrickett · 13/04/2012 17:54

Police, why on earth wouldn't you? You need to protect your family and this has been going on for - what? 4 years? You need to put a stop to it now.

ZillionChocolate · 13/04/2012 17:55

The police can give someone a warning under the Protection from Harassment act. This wouldn't give her a criminal record, but if she continued to harass you then she could potentially be prosecuted. If the police are helpful, this would be a lot easier to get than an injunction, and might be as effective.

TheRealMrsHannigan · 13/04/2012 22:22

Thank you all for the advice. I really am feeling convinced this is the only option we have left now.

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