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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in telling off a child for strangling my toddler

33 replies

Morph2 · 12/04/2012 23:33

Just wanted opinions really as to if i over reacted and am being PFB or if i should have said more?

Went swimming today with DS 23 months. Its a private gym and theres a small soft play area in the gym and also an area next to it with a few toys in. Anyway DS loves the soft play area so he was in there and i was in the seating area within the play area keeping an eye on him- there was two other ladies sat next to me and about 4or 5 kids which i assumed were with them. Then a few minutes later my DS was climbing up some steps and this kid about 3 years old pulls him down the steps and drags him by his hood. So i go over and say 'hay don't do that' and he lets go of DS and say's 'i didn't do anything' so i left it at that, i said to the lady next to me he was dragging him by his hood, and she said he's not one of ours else i would have told him off.

Within the soft play area there is a underneath bit (toddler area) which you can't see from the seating area and all the kids had gone into there so i thought i'd better glance in at DS as i hadn't seen him for a few minutes. Anyway this boy had him on the floor and has his hands round his neck, DS had turned bright red and was struggling to get away. I storm in pull the boy off DS and say where is your mum, the kid starts screaming and saying 'i don't like you', to which i say 'well i don't like you you're not a very nice boy', then his mum comes and takes him away and i get the impression she think i was in the wrong and is trying to comfort her DS and saying we'll go swimming now.

For info DS has a red mark with brusing around it on his collar bone area, ok its not life threatening, but i don't think it is the situation where i could have just sat back and watched. should i have done things differently?

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 12/04/2012 23:35

YANBU - you did the right thing! Is DS ok now?

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2012 23:37

The only thing you could have done differently was not to lower yourself to a 3yr old's level and say "well i don't like you you're not a very nice boy"

That sounds as though you poked your tongue out whilst saying it Grin

Other than that you did the right thing.

Original poster
Morph2 · 12/04/2012 23:38

he's perfectly fine, didn't even cry at the time, he is one of those kids that doesn't really cry unless he is really really hurt which is good but then i think it always makes him look like the bad guy when another kid is screaming

OP posts:
Original poster
Morph2 · 12/04/2012 23:39

worraliberty> i know it sounds so pathetic now but heat of the moment.

OP posts:
neolara · 12/04/2012 23:40

Absolutely fine to tell off another child in those circumstances IMO.

In a playbarn, I once found a 5 year old child pinning my 3 year old down and repeatedly hitting her around the head. Another child had come to find me to tell me it was happening so it must have been going on for a minute or two. I was very fierce and made him cry. I have absolutely no qualms about doing that whatsoever. And then I told his mother what he had done. She was totally drippy about the whole thing - didn't tell him off and didn't come over to apologise. I was very unimpressed.

1950sHousewife · 12/04/2012 23:40

Sounds what I would do in the heat of the moment.

In the cool of the moment I would have taken my DS away immediately, found the child's mum and told her what the DC had done.

But it's never that dispassionate, is it, with your own DC! DOn't worry about it.

Sarcalogos · 12/04/2012 23:40

Totally understand why you did what you did.

You had to intervene it was degrees and scary for your toddler.

If you were going for perfect parent of the year award you coud have told the other child off more effectively.

Tranquilidade · 12/04/2012 23:41

Not in the wrong for rescuing your poor child. Maybe you could have ensured his mum knew what had happened though, she may be unaware of what happened and just thought you were being over-protective.

Might be worth telling the gym management so, if she is raising a serial killer, they can keep an eye open for him.

Cherriesarelovely · 12/04/2012 23:42

No, you weren't being OTT. What a grim thing to happen to your DS. Shame the other mum wasn't more sensible. Hope your DS is ok now.

DadIsSad · 12/04/2012 23:48

YABU - for letting him off so lightly when his mum showed up.

Original poster
Morph2 · 12/04/2012 23:50

tranquididade> My mum i should have reported it at reception when i told her what had happened. (for info mum has DS 3 days a week and takes him to the same gym a few times). My mum has a major gripe anyway as she always watches DS in the play area (as you are supposed to per the sign that is up) but other people just leave the kids in there and are in other areas of the bar.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 12/04/2012 23:51

I do worry if that happens with my pfb I may turn into the nanny from the hand that rocks the cradle. You were very restrained!
I would have told the mother a thing or two about her child now shitting myself that I have all this to come & I will look like a madwoman

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 23:54

You were right. I would have done the same.

Original poster
Morph2 · 12/04/2012 23:55

dadissad> His mum scooped him off and was sat with him just behind where i was sitting. i was so wound up at this point i knew if i said anything to them i'd end up in an arguement and by the time i'd calmed down they'd gone down to swimming.

Plus their DS was still wailing cus i'd told him off and my DS was now sat perfectly happy playing with a pink plastic house!! Some of my friends say he's going to be a rugby player as he doesn't cry when he gets hurt but its time like these when you wish he did!

OP posts:
Angelico · 12/04/2012 23:59

You did the right thing. And actually I think the words you said to him were perfectly appropriate because you used language a 3 year old can understand. You'd be surprised how much of a shock it might have given the brat other child to hear that, especially if the other mum is wimpish and didn't scold him.

sashh · 13/04/2012 06:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 13/04/2012 06:34

Sashh - that's a really vile thing to say. Am disgusted.

Yanbu OP apart from the bit about telling him he's not a very nice boy obviously. Remember it could be your kid being a little sod one day though. The mum should have told him off though, I'd have told ds no swimming now and taken him home. Hope your ds is ok.

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 13/04/2012 06:35

Excuse too many 'thoughs'!

iscream · 13/04/2012 06:45

I think it is quite a normal reaction to tell the kid off.

lolajane2009 · 13/04/2012 07:05

yanbu, i would have reported it to the gym too.

Icelollycraving · 13/04/2012 07:09

Sashh,that is a really grim thing to say.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 13/04/2012 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON · 13/04/2012 07:29

You'd really say that in RL?

If 'yes' - that's seriously fucking twisted

If 'no' - then why say suggest it here?

Hmm
MamaChoo · 13/04/2012 07:41

If you have a 23 month old PFB you might want to practice so that it becomes second nature to comment on the behaviour not the child - so,"That was not a very nice thing to do" rather than,"You're not a very nice boy". Partly so it doesn't slip out when you are chastising your own DS in the heat of the moment, which will happen at some point, and partly because some other parent might pull you up on it in future and have a point.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/04/2012 08:01

Fucking hell Sassh. No need.

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