To not want to arrange visits by stepmum to a new baby not due until August?

[faintpinkline]

My stepmum is trying to tie me down to agree a date and time in first week of August when she and dad and my 2 much younger half siblings can stop off for an hour and see new baby. She wants to arrange it now as they'd like to stop off on way to Lake District from Somerset. I have said I don't want to make any plans yet as

1 Baby not due until 7th August - chances are though that I'll be induced 2 weeks early but that's not certain at this stage and depends on consultant say so.

1. I honestly don't know how I'm going to feel or where I'll be on particular dates in August (last time I was kept in hospital for a few nights as had problems following delivery)
2. Obviously want them to see baby but I've already had one late still birth and I don't want to make any plans until things are a lot more certain.

Apparently IABU as she needs to book hotel to get a good deall. I've tried telling her all of the above but she keeps saying she had both babies at home and was up and about the next day and she can't see why I wouldn't' be.

Sigh it must be lovely to be so sure of your ability to birth easily .

Probably shouldn't' have posted here a actually very upset by conversation

It's only going to be for an hour, I wouldn't get so upset about it? If you're really not up to visitors when the time comes then you'll just have to put them off - make that clear to her before she books anything that you'll be reserving the right to do so.

Well what she did and what see wants is irrelevant.

Your home, your baby and your decision.

Let her book what she wants and if it turns out to be convenient then fine, if not maybe they'll have to make arrangements to 'stop off' on the way back or just come another time.

I'm very sorry about your stillbirth, faintpinkline. I think you should definitely stand your ground here and it's completely understandable that you don't want to make plans yet. She is being unfair saying that she can't understand why you can't be like her- she was very lucky to have uncomplicated homebirths and not everyone is so fortunate. I think given what you've experienced she could be much more understanding rather than drawing comparisons between you and her.

YANBU.

She is being insensitive IMO

YANBU What if she misses the birth and wastes her money?

YANBU. Just broken record it: "I'm not making any appointments after June right now" and repeat as nauseum

YANBU - she is being ridiculous and unfair. Tell her you need to play things by ear and will fix up suitable visiting time once your baby is here and you know how you're feeling.

Thank you. I'll explain again that I really can't say what date the baby will arrive but it will be lovely to arrange to see them all nearer the time. I'm thinking of suggesting that they stop off on the way home as baby far more likely to have arrived after their fortnight long holiday and situation more likely to be clear by then.

The odd thing is I think she's trying to be nice to me. She's only 8 years older than I am and I think she (understandably) finds it hard being a step mum to adult "children". I have to admit I find her hard to deal with and have never been quite sure how to relate to her. Her background (boarding school, house in the country and flat in the city, stiff upper lip type upbringing) is a million miles from anything I experienced growing up and while she seems very nice in some ways I sometimes feel I don't understand her at all. I wish she'd try to act like my friend and not my step mum and I may find it easier to deal with.

Sorry feeling very confused and AIBU is hardly the right place for al this rubbish

remind them you can't definitly make a date for them to visit but if they wanted to hedge their bets, then book a hotel on the way back down from the lake district.

You had a late still-birth and she's being this insensitive? You're really not being unreasonable. You're really not.

Sorry for your loss. Does your stepmum know that you've previously had a still birth? If so she is being astonishingly insensitive. TBH you've been very restrained if you have managed to avoid pointing out quite how insignificant her holiday plans are in comparison to the safe arrival of your baby, and how distressing it could be for her to harp on about her straightforward births. I fear I'd have been much more abrupt with her if I were in your shoes.