Or am I being a soft touch?

[AuntieBulgaria]

DD (4) has been poorly. She has had an on and off high temp and a cough since Monday. She is getting better but is considerably less full of beans than usual. She has spent a lot of time this week in front of the telly.

I should be at work today. I had talked to child minder and she was happy to take DD (has only one other mindee there today). My plan was to work from home until DD woke up and then drop her off on my way in to the office. I have a deadline to meet by Monday and no annual leave left.

DD woke up at 10 (so I had done 3 hrs work by that point) and seemed quite a bit brighter - no high temp, bit of an appetite, that sort of thing. However she really didn't want to go to the child minders and got all upset.

I felt really awful at saying she had to go so I relented and am now working at home (apart from this bit) and DD is perfectly happy back in front of the telly again.

So I'm sort of triply conflicted -
I don't want to parcel her off to the child minder just because I've got work to do - that makes me a mean mummy,

but I do need to get this work done so I'm plonking her in front of the telly - that makes me a bad mummy,

on the other hand, I think actually she probably is well enough to go to the childminders and I'm just feeling guilty and I don't have an ideal working environment at home, that makes me a crap employee....

I don't work on a friday anyway so will be at home all day with her tomorrow. And at this rate i'm going to have to work every evening this weekend when she's gone to bed :(.

At the risk of making a huge, offensive sweeping statement that will get me roasted.... If you were a man, none of this guilt would be in your head at all.

The electric babysitter has saved my skin on more than one occasion - you're not a bad mummy. Maybe in retrospect it would have been better to talk to her about why she had to go to the childminder etc and explain you need to go to work etc, but it's finished now and you're working at home so don't spend the rest of the day/week/month feeling guilty about it all. Get what you can done whilst she's happy watching TV and move on.

Letting her watch telly while she's happy and you're getting on with work is not being a bad parent, y'daft thing

I'm sure she'll tell you if she's had enough and hell has frozen over

You're not a crap employee either, you're doing the best you can in the circumstances, your employers should be grateful.

Just accept if you have to work in the evenings as a good solution to a difficult situation, then if you finish early it'll be a bonus.

Hope your DD is feeling better soon.

Yes, she probably is well enough to go the childminder, but just doesn't feel like it. Whatever the scenario, you're not a bad or mean mummy!

And where does your DD's father fit into all this? If he's on the scene at all, could he have done his share?

YABU to say that sending her to the childminder is mean.

YABU to say that letting her watch TV is bad.

DD's dad worked from home for the first day and a half of this week to look after her while I was at work and she watched a lot of telly then too.

Granddad helped out yesterday afternoon and they did lots of non-telly watching stuff.

You've given me a bit of perspective now though - a few days of telly isn't ideal but its not the end of the world in child rearing terms.

Speaking as a CM... sometimes a little one might show angst at saying bye to mum/dad, two mins later they are right as rain, all smiles! The kids have loads of fun at a childminder's setting. So it definitely isn't 'mean' sending her... plus you HAVE paid for the service (I gather if you do not send her the fee for that day is non refundable?)

So...
YABU for saying taking her to her CM is mean...
YANBU for needing to get work done and resorting to the TV... were it every.single.day that's quite a different story im(not so)ho.

Stop beating yourself around the bush and get your work done! ;)

"I don't want to parcel her off to the child minder just because I've got work to do - that makes me a mean mummy,"

Isn't that what childminders are for?

Normally she does have a great time at the childminder's and I do think had she gone to day she would have been fine.

I'm not suggesting that the meanesss was the child minder per se, just that what I was in effect doing was prioritising my job over her and that made me feel mean.

Yes, we will still pay the childminder for this week even though DD hasn't been there.