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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so angry that dh reorganized my day without asking me?

40 replies

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 11/04/2012 15:51

I have been planning a day out with my youngest baby, nothing spectacular just browsing some shops, but uniform and other bits but at my own pace with just one baby (she is 8 weeks old breastfed so i have to take her!). I told my dh how much i was looking forward to getting out in a stress free way as i have 5 dcs not many normal trips are relaxing!.So dh was meant to be staying with the 4 older ones while i went out.
so he rushes off and rearranges the day he is now taking the older dc to the cinema and i am apparently taking the younger ones plus MIL shopping. Not relaxing at all MIL hates spending money and although shes lovely she will moan if i spend more than 99p on anything. I cant imagine why he has done this at all - and before you wonder I have no issues with overspending so its not as though i need keeping an eye on.

I am furious with my dh for rearranging everything but cant really get out of it now and it will be ages until I really get to have time to go out for a relaxing time between dhs work and the other children :(

AIBU because according to dh i am "going on at him" about it.

OP posts:
GrahamTribe · 11/04/2012 17:58

What doctordwt said. All you need do is say that it isn't happening and tell DH to call his mother. If he doesn't then she'll just have to stand around waiting for you not to show/stand on the doorstep and be ignored or told to go home again because the plan you never made with her is off. That's his problem, not yours. If you're unwilling to do anything about it you are BU to complain, the solution is in your hands.

bobbledunk · 11/04/2012 19:48

He did this on purpose because he did not want to spend the day at home with 4 kids, tell him you have your plans already arranged and will not be changing them. He can take all four kids and mil to the cinema if he wants, your only responsibility will be enjoying a nice day out with the baby.

Don't let other people run your life, nobody can make you heed to their plans.

MrsBaggins · 11/04/2012 20:03

I would calmly tell him I already had plans- and stick to it.
If he is that bothered he will sort out something with his DM himself.
You are an adult - dont let him manipulate you .

Goolash · 11/04/2012 20:07

Oh god, I'd tackle it straight with him. Oh so I get to spend the day with 3 young kids and your mother, whilst you swan off to the cinema and have a nice relaxing time? Was this your intention?

ChasedByBees · 11/04/2012 22:23

YANBU, I'd be furious and rearranging my day back. If you don't, he may well do it again on the next time you have a similar day planned.

t0lk13n · 11/04/2012 22:50

Well what did you do? Did you pander to his wishes or stick to your guns?

Original poster
5dcsinneedofacleaner · 12/04/2012 03:14

Well we are back to original plans and dh has been walking around like this Shock since i opened my mouth and unleashed a torrent of anger and frustration. He just seem to have no clue why i may enjoy a day out alone or why his mothers company plus that of 3 children may ruin that - he still doesnt but at least he gets it isnt happening.
I dont think he has done this out of spite to ruin my day when i think about it calmly he just really doesnt thnk AT ALL . I go places with his mum because she is depressed and has had health problem the last year so to him this was a perfect opportunity for another trip out.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 12/04/2012 04:36

Excellent, good result! Weird that he doesn't get it though, if he had a day planned, would he thank you if you invited your father to join him and told him to take all the kids too? Probably not...

wishiwasonholiday · 12/04/2012 04:51

Couldn't mil babysit the younger ones while you go?

letseatgrandma · 12/04/2012 10:29

God-it would really worry me that he didn't get why you were so cross!!?

HipHopOpotomus · 12/04/2012 10:45

good going 5dc. Really weird that he doesn't get it - can he usually empathise with you and understand you?
Would MIL not enjoy a tripe to the cinema with her DS & DGC??

Enjoy your day out - hope you have a lovely lunch somewhere nice too!

HellonHeels · 12/04/2012 10:49

Good result! Well done for not caving. Enjoy your day out - and do yourself a favour and try to arrange more.

AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 10:55

Of course he gets it!

You don't actually believe his disingenuous protestations of idiocy, do you?

If he didn't think it was more hassle taking the two children he tried to force you to take, he would have invited them (and his mother) to the cinema.

What he doesn't "get" is that you are a person in your own right and not just there to do things he doesn't fancy.

Well done for doing a little bit to disabuse him of that notion. Keep it up!

GingerBlondecat · 12/04/2012 12:00

I agree with AThingInYourLife

He knew alright.

Pinkflipflop · 12/04/2012 12:26

YANBU but you need to say no I'm not bloody going with MIL! You had your day planned so stick to it!

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