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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so far beyond pissed off I want to scream-sorry it's long

25 replies

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 03:22

Were I live it's standard to have a full time maid. So, employed a really sweet young lady, polite, respectful, gets on really well with DCs, all good. She's not religious, I don't care either way, it's her business not mine.

Week before last she went missing, left to go home halfway through the week feeling ill. 3 days later I have her uncle, with whom she lives, on the phone trying to locate her. She never went home. Comes back to work telling me she's re-discovered God. Wonderful for her. She immediately starts asking me why I'm not Catholic, I tell her I'm Anglican. No problem, she's not asking me to convert.

Then she starts telling me how wonderful God is. Then she starts on how the Devil is everywhere and starts screaming about said Devil and his fornications. This is in front of my 10 yr old DD. From there the week got worse, she became really fanatical waiting for me to come home so that she can have another go at 10.30 pm one night. Telling the DDs, behind my back, that the house is haunted, it will collapse in the next earthquake, her sister is bewitched, and that they(DDs) should start going to church. She finished the week with "where will your soul go when you die" while telling me that OH is ok because he's a good person, but she's really worried about my wicked soul.

Tried saying, thank you but we have our own way/religion so please stop, made no difference. She's gone now, couldn't bring herself to work in a Godless home, but I'm still wound up. DDs are having trouble sleeping, one having nightmares and the other can't sleep because of what she said to them. And she thinks she'll go to heaven because she's a good person.

Just for the record, I don't care what religion a person follows, or if they don't, as long as they don't try to make me or my children conform to their beliefs.

I'm fuming, I should be in bed as I'm not well, but I can't get to sleep because of this nutcase, and she had the audacity to be angry with me for not immediately and passionately embracing her choice of religion.

OP posts:
Alltheseboys · 11/04/2012 03:33

It's difficult when you let someone into your home that you don't know. She obviously had mental health issues that made her a bit fanatical. You need to speak to your children & maybe get them some help. How old are they?Could you speak to her uncle as well?

my2centsis · 11/04/2012 03:35

Wow!

Where do you live? (nosey emotion)

I honestly don't blame you for being wound up age sounds like a nutcase! Howling did she work for you before she went all crazy?

Your poor dc's tbh if it were me I would probably tell them that that lady was sick and it made her irrational Blush

Now thank god Shes gone Grin

my2centsis · 11/04/2012 03:38

Damn autocorrect!! ** she sounds like a nutcase. How long did she work for you before she went crazy?

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 03:44

DDs are both 10. The uncle was already concerned before this, don't know if he would be able to do anything to really help her. I know the family is religious, so they probably won't view the change in her behaviour as problematic because she's not gone off the rails and tarted taking drugs, or similar.

I still feel like screaming though

OP posts:
Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 03:57

My2

I'm in Chile, South America. She was with us for 1 month before the aunt pressured her into quitting. She then asked to come back, lasted 2.5 months before it all went pear shaped.

I have to see her again to finalise her contract, I think that's probably why I'm still so wound up.

OP posts:
NoteSpelling · 11/04/2012 04:08

Stop wasting your energy feeling so angry - you are punishing yourself to no end. She was clearly a troubled young woman, and she is now out of your life and no longer hurting your family.

How are you going to help your daughters put this behind them?

heliumballoon · 11/04/2012 04:18

Sounds like OH should meet her to finalise her contract if it is winding you up so much?

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 04:26

OH can't do it, because I signed the contract to employ her I have to cancel it.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 11/04/2012 04:34

'nutcase'

What a shit description to use.

Hotpotpie · 11/04/2012 07:32

just a thought but maybe this lady isnt very well at the moment?

ripsishere · 11/04/2012 07:35

You reckon hotpot? Grin
OP, it sounds as if she needs professional help.

ZillionChocolate · 11/04/2012 07:47

You need to try and get over this and reassure your children that she wasn't very well. Don't let it be a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Pandemoniaa · 11/04/2012 11:23

Your dds are old enough to understand that this woman was ill and therefore the things she told them were not real but sadly, part of her illness. Then move on and don't dwell on the issue. That way your dds can put this episode in the past too.

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 12:32

Thanks everyone

I have been explaining that she's not well to the DDs, it's going take a lot of reassurance though as they seem to have accepted what she was saying as fact. DD1 was relieved that she's left.

Someone said I am wasting my energy by being angry. You're right, but I can't seem to get passed the fact that she upset the DCs in the proccess. It's diffucult because I can clearly see that she is in need of professional help, but for me she crossed the líne by pulling the DCs into it.

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 11/04/2012 13:38

Maybe to calm your DC you need to enact some mumbo jumbo of your own.
Tell them a wise old Scottish lady ( me ) has told you to lay salt across the door thresholds and burn some sage.
This will rid the house of negative energy

LRDtheFeministDragon · 11/04/2012 13:55

That sounds as if it was quite a scary experience for you. I get what you're saying about it being normal to have a maid - but it still seems strange to me that you would take someone on, have them disappear for three days, and not, well, let them go or drive them to hospital? From the sounds of it something went very wrong - it's not normal to disappear from work, is it?

Just trying to get my mind around it and I am probably just too distant from where you are to understand that culture - all I can think is if someone posted about their childminder disappearing for three days ... well, you'd think something terrible had happened to her, you wouldn't be having her back working as if nothing happened.

How old is she? She sounds very young from how you describe her. She may be having serious issues.

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 14:22

LRD

I didn't actually know she was missing, she told me she was going home and didn't seem to be in need of medical attention. She was lucid and walking, just said she had a stomach ache, and I let her go because I thought it was early stages of the bug the DCs had had in which case she would be more comfortable at home rather than where she works. I called her when she didn't return to work the next day, to check she was okay. She told me she was at home in bed with a stomach bug. Then her uncle called frantically trying to find her. Maybe she's trying to hide something from her family, either way she had an effect on the DCs

ratspeaker

I'll give that a go, it'll have to rosemary though as that's what's in the garden.

OP posts:
SuchProspects · 11/04/2012 14:26

It sounds quite unnerving. But when you live in a place that's so unbalanced that it is "standard" to have a full time maid then you're living in a place that is likely to encourage superstition. Because that kind of uneven distribution of wealth will make people look for a reason that their lives are so different and clutch at a "truth" that gives them a feeling of power and righteousness. So given all that I think YABalittleU to be fuming.

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 14:28

LRD

Forgot to add, early twenties. I told her that her uncle had called etc, but she dodged the subject and launched into her religious rants. Which smacks of deflection to me.

OP posts:
Agincourt · 11/04/2012 14:29

do you think she might have been brainwashed by some sort of cult?

it seems werd to go missing and then come back a pushy maniac catholic doesnt it?

shootingstarz · 11/04/2012 14:33

Just get rid of her Im sure there are lots of maids looking for work over there.

Chilenachica · 11/04/2012 14:34

No idea about a cult, but she was under pressure from a long distance rellie to stop working because "it's better to have a spiritual life than money"

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 11/04/2012 14:51

The whole situation sounds like a heck of a lot of pressure for someone in their early 20s, TBH.

I can see you're angry but honestly, I hope when you get to talk to her you can check if she's ok.

I am sure she won't have meant to scare your children. It's terrible that she did, of course, but by the sounds, she may be quite scared herself.

skybluepearl · 11/04/2012 14:57

She sounds like she has MH issues.

skybluepearl · 11/04/2012 14:58

can you think 'what can I learn from it' - may help you find a more positive way to look at things although i know it has been really dire

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