To want to move...AGAIN!

[Tizzylizzy]

We bought our first house to 'make money'. Hated the area: lots of CPOs, awful schools, drug addicts. Needless to say never settled and were DESPERATE to move. Lost money on house.

Looked extensively in the areas I longed to live in (DH was carried along as quite content in house 1). By chance we found one in a random 'good' area at a fantastic price and bought it, once again falling into the 'let's make some money' trap.

A couple of years on and I still feel I'm missing out and not where I want to be. DH loves it, great schools for DD when then time comes and have settled really well into the community BUT it's just not the place I had my heart set on.

Now...it is not without my noticing that this post has been very 'me' 'me' 'me'. DH is v settled and DD could have a nice life here. It's just not where I saw us. I do like it a lot, it's just not where I had my heart set on. I want our family to be happy and settled and grow up in one place so I think the sooner we make the move the better if that's what we are going to do - also I don't want to be 80 when I finally get to live where I truly want.

DH thinks we would move to this mystical place and I'd want the 'next thing' which isn't a bad call given my track record.

So...my question is how many of you are truly happy and settled and in your mind's eye want nothing more than what you've got? Should I settle with okay? Is okay good enough? Or will I regret it in the long run?

I think your DH is right actually. There's not many of us live exactly where we would like, but settle for a compromise. You sound a 'grass is greener' type of gal to me !!

You might well move to this mythical place and find it isn't what you expected and you have scrificed a lot.

When we moved here I was unsure, it took me a long time to settle but I am now content andcannot think of anywhere I'd rather be.

DH thinks we would move to this mystical place and I'd want the 'next thing' which isn't a bad call given my track record.

I think it sounds like he knows you very well

Your post may very well be a bit "me, me, me"...but at no point do you actually say what it is you actually WANT for a home.

I think you should stay put and put that energy into saving for another property...a smaller one...a holiday home perhaps.

I think you're also fixating on this idea of finding the 'perfect' home which you will all live in happily ever after, and feel an urgency to find your forever home.. Thing is, life has a habit of throwing up surprises. Sometimes the things we don't expect turn out to be the best things. You could be missing out on who knows what, by desperately wanting to settle down in one place for life.

I would stick with what you have for now, which sounds fine, and see where life takes you

I was exactly the same. It turns out I was actually unhappy with my life. Since finding my husband is the first time I've been happy where I am.

I think you sound a lot like me, OP (although DP and I rent). We have been living together four years, and are on our fourth place - we have moved every time our lease has been up.

I am guessing you have some magical utopia in your head. I understand this, really. I do too. Our first place was 200 years old, in a fab location, and had brilliant neighbours, But, the landlord didn't maintain the place properly, so we moved. Second was ultra-modern, well maintained, but with very noisy neighbours, so we moved. Third was again, over 200 years old, fab, but the management company was shite and so there was a lot of anti-social behaviour in the building (eg some bloke going on a rampage one night, ripping all of the fire extinguishers off of the walls in the hallways, putting several of them through wallls before fucking one out of a third-floor window [lucky he didn't kill someone]).

In our current place, we have slightly noisy neighbours, a wee leak in the roof, and a smaller kitchen than we would like. But everything else is perfect, and I have finally learned to compromise. We could move 10 more times and still not find the perfect place (as could you). It is unlikely that either you or I, OP, will land our dream homes (which probably don't exist). So, yes, sometimes settling is okay. As long as the positives outweigh the negatives, and you feel safe there. It sounds great 'DH loves it, great schools for DD when then time comes and have settled really well into the community'. Focus on that. The magical, mythical wonder-house is unlikely to ever drop in your lap .

I've moved tooooooo many times and my OH Is currently deciding where to go next. If you could do my next move for me while I stay put that would be fab.

I can't understand people, OH included, wanting to repeat the upheaval and stress of moving over, and over, and over again. Maybe that's just me being inflexible

YABU. If you're content where you are and your family us happy.

I know where you are coming from [pining for Sussex emoticon]. It's much easier to justify a move from a really bad area than one you are just meh about. Do you have a particular place in mind where you want to be? If you do, and this is a long-standing feeling that you want to be in x place, then you probably should do it. If, on the other hand, it's just a vague feeling that somewhere else might be better, I think you should sit tight for a while and try and put down some roots.

You've settled really well into the community ? Good schools for DD ? I'm struggling to see what could be more important for happiness than those two points. If you move to your dream area but you're contemplating its beauties alone because you don't get on with your neighbours or worrying yourself sick over your daughter's future will you be happier ? I think you need to concentrate on the positives because the two you've just mentionned are huge in this rather disconnected age;

I moved a lot as a child and have now moved with DH and DS into a lovely house which is fabulous and has everything we need/want. I've said we're never moving ever again, as it was so stressful but I still have it in my mind that if we ever win the lottery(we'd need to buy a ticket first)/premium bonds/someone nice gave us lots of money, we'd move to a little village into a double fronted house with a huge garden! I can dream [sigh]

Been in the same house since 1994. DC now 13 and 17. To be fair, we bought it because it was big, had just been refurbished, were satisfied we wouldn't lose money although many thought we were bonkers to pay what we did as the entire area was being redeveloped.

The downside is that no more bits could possibly be added on it but its location is totally unique and the area has become extremely sought after. At the time we thought we would be here for five to seven years and would then move out a couple of miles for an in and out drive and detached poshness. But due to the size and location it ticks all the boxes and once children get settled into schools and are happy it becomes harder to contemplate moving. One becomes a part of the community. It's rather nice to remember bringing the baby dc home to their lifelong home.

The other side of it is stamp duty of course. Moving costs and if you don't have to do it there's no point. Even without the stamp duty, I estimate that it costs about 5% of the sale price to move and that's conservative.

We've been in the same house for 10 years. It's a 4 bed victorian through terrace with original features and we love it. It's big enough for us and our little boy (but we could always use more space, who couldn't?) and is in an ok area. The only things we don't like is that the area is just ok and that we don't have a garden. It's a street house front and back and all we have is a small concrete yard. Not ideal for a small child but it just means we go to the park a lot. To get a similar house with a garden in a better area we'd have to spend at least double what our house is worth. It would mean sacrificing nice holidays/cars/eating out, etc. and feel it's just not worth it. We've settled for almost perfect.

As far as I can see you have no valid reasons to move. You seem to be looking for something that does not exist - the perfect home is an illusion.

Homes are made, it takes time. Have a long hard think about what you think you are looking for - you may realise you already have it.