Why didn't she let him know?

[peugotgringo]

DH has a daughter, we haven't seen her since xmas. He's text, rung, sent cards, spoken to his ex but nothing much has worked. We've put it down to a teenage phase and hope it will pass soon.

His mum knows all about it and has similar trouble seeing her also. She lives 5 mins from her GP's about 10-15 mins from us.

Anyway, it appears MIL had some success this week and SD went round to her house for an hour or so (and to collect her easter eggs )

DH was at his mum's the same day his daughter visted, about an hour before she was due.........why didn't his mum tell him? He could and would have stayed.

She only told him this weekend, it seemed as a gloating afterthought when we were leaving her house. Why did she do this?

DH spent rest of weekend hurt, trying to futilely contact his daughter and taking it out on me and the dog!

I can understand why he is upset about not being told, but did he go to his daughter's house to see her whilst he was at his mother's?

That does seem mean :( I can't really comment on the "why" but YANBU to think it was odd and seemingly cruel

Maybe she was hoping she could find out why her dgd hasn't wanted to see her Dad?

If it's hard to get contact, maybe better for one person to see her at a time? She may not have been being selfish at all; she may have thought she could pave the way for daughter to see you all more and that none of you would have had success all together.

My teens hate big family gatherings and will do anything to get out of them. One person they can cope with. Lots of family together and they head for the hills. I can understand your DH being hurt but I absolutely wouldn't be mentioning it to the daughter. Most I would do is try to bribe daughter with offer of Easter eggs/ cash.

for what ever reason,maybe dd had told her GM that she didn't want anyone else to know that she was visiting so GM had to keep quiet

My SIL was there with her teenage boys, last time we saw her was at his mums (celebrate Xmas day on Boxing day in his family, at his mum's so we get to see his daughter) so she's used to all the family being there.

I'm not really surprised she hasn't contacted her dad and it's not that, that hurts anymore, we've reluctantly accepted it and do not allow it to upset us anymore. It's the fact MIL knew she was coming and didn't mention it so he could stay and see her that has upset us both.

We don't think there is any particular reason for her not seeing us anymore justthe fact his ex no longer needs him to look after her after school, holidays etc and therefore has stopped contact.

She's a teenager, interested in her friends and whatever it is teenagers are interested in these days, she doesn't want to see her dad and do 'boring' stuff when she can be out and about!

DH spent rest of weekend hurt, trying to futilely contact his daughter and taking it out on me and the dog!

well for starter he shouldn't be taking things out on you and the dog.

McHappy - who else was he going to take it out on?

He was just grumpy with me and a little short tempered with the dog. The dog is mad so quite understandable!

praps the dd has confided to mil in the past that Shes avoiding her dad and mil realise she cant see grand daughter and son together.

The best way to get in touch with a teenager is to text them with "I need your bank details so that I can pay your Easter money in. Can you phone me? I'm just off to the bank."

That should do it!

Imperial I don't know a teenager in the land who wouldn't respond to that. Money talks above all else at this age!

his ex no longer needs him to look after her after school, holidays etc and therefore has stopped contact.

An Ex can't stop contact with a teenager. It's the teenager's call. It's between the teenager and the dad, really. Has their relationship been good through the years, till Christmas?

What would have happened if you guys were there when DSD was there? Ruined a family day on Easter? DSD would've walked out? MIL not able to see DSD? All this was probably on your MIL's mind and that's why she didn't say anything to your DH.

I mean your DSD actively avoiding your DH and you.