I am BVU and need to be told to snap out of it - but can't help feeling hurt.

[Tizzylizzy]

My DD has just turned 1. She is funny and gorgeous and amazing. However she hits me all of the time and as silly and ridiculous it sounds I find it very upsetting. She is okay one on one through the day (I'm a SAHM) but when other people hold her (particularly DH) she slaps, screams and hits me out of the way. I feel like it's affecting our bond. I KNOW I need to man up. Has anyone else been through this and can anyone offer up any reasons as to why it's happening?

No idea why they do it but my 15mo dd went through similar at that age.

She doesn't do it much anymore although she does snatch my glasses off my face whenever she can.

She also pulls dd1s hair really hard.

They do grow out of it.

Don't take it personally. It's just something she's discovered and she's trying it out, just because she can! Don't read anything into it that isn't there.

It may be that she is having difficulty expressing feelings for you - show her to do something else with her hands instead. So when she hits you, say "No, we use gentle hands" and then move her hands so that she strokes you instead. Not sure I am getting my meaning across!

This strategy worked so well with a child I childminded who used to smack the other kids and his parents so often. With repetition and kind firmness he soon stopped and would stroke the person instead. Worth a try?

It's not personal it's just a phase she's going through. I think they do it mostly because it's fun and it gets a reaction.

I would just keep telling her "no we don't hit people" everytime she does it.

My daughter did this.. I uses to take say "ouch" really loud and fake cry. She didn't like that much and stopped slapping. Completely dramatic way of dealing with it but it worked for me!

DD went through a phase of trying to bite me, when she was about 18 months old. She used to go for my upper arms, which hurt a lot whenever she managed to bite me. It didn't last long and she grew out of it.

My DD is doing the exact same thing. She is 13 months. I say "no, gentle" put her down then show her how to do it gently. It doesn't seem to be working!

I tried saying 'no we don't hit' firmly, she would put that pet lip out (like they do) and cry and DH then says that we shouldn't be making her cry about it as she doesn't understand! Then I feel rotten. DH wouldn't like it though!

She will grow out of it, I promise. It's just one of those lovely phases they go through! Keep telling yourself that to her, it's just a game. She is too young to understand she is upsetting you. You're a nice easy person to try it out on, that's all.

DD1 was a big hitter. One thing I did used to do was put her down and walk away when she hit me, just for a minute. By withdrawing attention for it, she go to understand that it wasn't what we wanted. Get your DH to back you up. If he picks her up and she lashes out at you, just get him to say, "no hitting," in a matter of fact tone and put her down.

If it makes you feel better, DD1 used to hit me so much that my friends used to prophesise she would grow up violent, have problems at school, all sorts. None of those things happened. She is now 16, is absolutely lovely, has been the easiest child to get through the school years - and we have a very close bond.

It doesn't mean anything, but I would try to break the habit in a kind but firm way.

Thanks for your replies. I'm just so over sensitive and put adult emotions behind her behaviour, when obviously there isn't any. I find it very hard to numb myself to it.

DD (my DC2) went through a phase when she was 9 months old.
She would claw at my face and eyes if I held her to my shoulder.
She swung her head to the side and headbutted me. I literally saw stars, I thought she was going to give me concussion.
And if I sat her on my knee ,she threw her head back- she caught my face full on. When I got wise to this she headbutted my sternum.

It got to the stage I didn't want to cuddle her. I'd feed, dress and change her, but got DH to cuddle her.
It didn't last long, it didn't harm our 'bond'.

But when she was older she broke my nose. But that was another thread

DGD is 15 months old. Last month she decided to try out the occasional clump round the ear on the people she loves the most! Always done while smiling sweetly at you. Moments later, she'd go "aaaaahhhh" and put her arms round your neck for a hug.

Don't take this personally. It's a developmental phase and the best thing to do is to say, gently, "No, we don't hit" and shake your head to reinforce the "No".

DD (16mo) pushes DH away whenever I am holding her and I know it hurts his feelings. She also bites, scratches and hits. I stick to "gentle, gentle" and stroke with her hand. It isn't working so far . I think she just gets really excited and it is her way of saying how passionate she is about us!

You do need to try and take your emotion out of it. Easier said than done I know, but she does love you very much, she is just learning and testing what is acceptable and what isn't.

I completely disagree with your dh, he is underestimating her sponge like brain if he thinks you shouldnt be making her cry. You shouldn't be trying to make her cry, but if crying is the consequence of telling her not to hit then so be it. Children can learn to walk and talk at a year old, and if they can learn how to use their legs and their tongues and their mouths, they can learn how to use their hands too! I would advise putting her down when she hits or turning your back other and withholding attention. You only need to do it for a minute, every time she does it so she gets the message.

She isn't too young to learn this, and if you don't let her know that hitting is wrong then she will learn that it's ok, the you really will have a problem! Showing her how to use her hands to stroke or be gentle is another good suggestion, like roomsomewhere said. Don't do nothing though, choose your approach and be consistent.

Ds (now nearly ten and lovely!) used to do this. Slap me round the face really hard, especially when I was at his level and telling him to play nicely with the other toddlers/share etc (v embarrassing at Playroups where all the other kids seemed to be angels!).

I stated saying 'no' very firmly and then standin up/turning my back/walking away.

He was a rotter of a toddler though, lasted from around 12 months until three years.

actually, this just isn't ok. I have no truck with this shit from kids... be they 1 or whatever. Tell the little sod in no uncertain terms that it's NOT OKAY. Put them down and march off to be all busy and interesting somewhere else. be prepared to do this every single time it happens, and i promise you it stops. letting kids get away with this behaviour unchallenged is bad parentiing imo. they all have their little ways, and it is hard not to take it personally, but actually, that's daft when you thnk about it.... don't infect your kids with insecurity. they totally love you, and will respect the boundaries you insist upon

ladyfirenze has it about right.

I feel for you. It's hurtful although unitentional

I cried the other day when my dog bit me. He has no eyes and is more of a baby than my babies. I was so upset about him being so mean and ungrateful after all I do for him

I don't think a baby who has just turned 1 will be considering how to "push the boundaries", they just do what seems appealing at the time and is in front of them.

Agree with Alliwantisaroomsomewhere - give her something else as a distraction. Next time it happens, give her a cushion to hit instead - show her yourself and she will copy - or a plastic box to hit with a wooden spoon. Then it becomes a game and something positive.

You are not BU. Your DD is not being very nice to you and it is upsetting you. That is perfectly reasonable. It would be unreasonable to punish her at 1 but of course you need to teach her that It's wrong, good suggestions for how above, and by doing so you are being a great parent. Hope it gets easier soon.

Although I do agree with the sentiment in your post ladyfirenze, I don't think it's acceptable and actually really quite offensive to call a one year old child 'a little sod'. This is the OP's child ffs, have some respect.

ffs baldricksturnip, i was speaking about all 'little sods', mine, hers, yours... don't be so silly

Silly?