To get peed off with people commenting on the age gap between my DC!

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I don't know why people feel the need to pass comment, age gaps are such a personal thing aren't they? DD1 is 14, DD2 is 8 and DS is 3. Yes the age gaps are big and yes there are reasons for this but I don't know why people expect me to expain and justify the age gaps.

Paying in a supermarket recently, the cashier asked how old they all were and started saying 'blimey they are big age gaps aren't they? did you decide 'no more' after each one and then change your mind?' I said in reply 'I am perfectly happy with my choice of age gaps, thanks'

Then yesterday I rang a local photo studio to book a photo shoot for all 3, and the man asked their ages and again said 'You've spaced them out haven't you? Why are they all spaced out in age like that?' and was quite huffy for some reason. I said again 'I'm very happy with my choice of age gaps, thanks'

I really don't know why people feel the need to comment; my sister has 2 children 18 months apart and she says she gets comments all the time about them being too close together.

I disagree. Small talk is some comment about how they will all be into different things or the comment about babysitting someone made above. Asking questions about why you waited is just rude and nosy.

I've got a 4 month old baby and her sisters are 9 and 11 years older. This wasn't exactly planned (was on the pill) but we all completely adore her and she's made our family complete. I've had similar comments to you and despite knowing it's just daft small talk, it still privately pisses me off. I'm actually loving the age gap. I had two years between my oldest girls and it was hell. I had a few years of stress, anxiety and non stop fatigue. This gap is lovely and much easier. I'm really enjoying Motherhood this time. So, after previously always thinking that small gaps were better, I'm far more likely to advise friends to go for big age gaps now. Much better!

YANBU. Have had this too (6 years between my dc) and at first it did bother me when someone commented (and why the fuck does a large gap instantly mean they have different fathers? ) . Now I can barely raise a 'meh'. Nobody's business really is it? I guess it's just another arseholian conversation starter.

some people don't have that normal filter the rest of us have which allows us to keep our thoughts inside our heads!

You sound like a right huffy pants!

It may be natural to wonder but it's rude and inappropriate to actually ask.

You could have had a child die or had multiple miscarriages or any number of other personal and private circumstances.

I think your response was very dignified

YANBU it's very rude. People keep asking me and DH "You're Australian!?? WHY are you living in the UK????

Like Oz is the land of milk and honey.

{it's not}

I think you sound incredibly defensive - it's surely just making small talk isn't it? I get comments because I didn't have a child until my early 40s - I don't let it worry me, its just making conversation and I would far rather that that stony silence.

I've got a very big gap between my DDs due to miscarriage and fertility problems. If someone queries it, I just smile and say that that was how it worked out for us. Some things are too painful for the idle curiosity of acquaintances.

I had this a lot as well, I have very small gaps though, we had three under three (with no twins). They are as close together as possible, that breast feeding would allow.

I have had strangers ask me in a shocked tone 'are you mad?'

I actually quite like the comments and the shocked faces though!

Maybe this is because I am very happy and feel very lucky to have children so close in age. If I could change anything I would have had them even closer.

If you are happy with what you have chosen I don't see why it would bother you, although reading earlier posts I can see why it would make you flinch.

Enjoy your lovely family

YANBU or defensive or a 'right huffy pants'. There is no 'normal', 'right' or 'wrong' when it comes to children and spacing. Having children close together is not a better or worse decision than having them years apart.

It is an intensely personal subject: I've had to delay having DC2 due to being seriously ill, and watching other people have more children as and when they want to has been incredibly painful. I'm therefore acutely aware of people's 'judgments' when it comes to how I'm not even pregnant again yet. I would therefore never judge someone else's situation: how do they know that you haven't struggled to conceive each child?

There are so many different family set ups these days I'm not even sure you're that unusual.

Someone once asked me if my two have different dads there is 3 years and 9 months between them and they have the same bloody dad, ta very much!

I know someone from my mum's church who was asked by one nosey lady why there was such an age gap between her first 3 and last 2 (about 5 years). She'd had a stillbirth followed a year and a half later by a cotdeath in that time so actually there had been no gap. there was just two live children missing. Sometimes it really best to find another subject to make small talk about.

It's fine to remark on age gaps as long as you are polite about it but it is really rude to ask WHY you have the gaps you do and I don't think YABU at all to find it annoying.

I did say to a friend "Don't you know what's causing it?" when she announced DC3 before DC2's 1st birthday (DC1 under 2 at the time!) but I was clearly JOKING and she is my FRIEND, I knew she wanted three DC and was keen to have them all before turning 40. I wouldn't dream of saying anything to someone I didn't know.

One of my best friends has a fairly big gap as she lost 2 babies between her son and daughter and I cringe when people ask her why there's a gap. she takes it in stride but I don't know if I could.

YANBU. It really is no-one else's business to comment on your sex life!

We have one 4.5 year old son. We have passed the point of other peoples 'ideal age gaps' and constantly get 'are you having another, when are you thinking of it? Shouldn't you have had one by now? Big gap now though'

What people forget is that fertility & conception don't realise this 'perfect' gap exists. I don't want to explain that actually we've been trying for several years with no joy yet. It's PERSONAL ffs. People don't think like that though, they think 'aw shame, if you have another one now, they won't be friends'

there is a commonly shared belief that close gaps are preferable to large gaps. I think that's why people query larger gaps. personally, having done close gap with girls who bicker 24/7 and now a big gap, which is just lovely, I'd go for a bigger gap every time, a small gap is no guarantee your children will be close

YANBU.

They sound rude.

A lady with a daughter in my sons class has an older child the same age as me. 22 year age gap.

She gets it all the time.

Another thing. Someone told me something recently which helped me-it was that whatever the gap between your children that's your family's unique shape and you won't be able to imagine it otherwise.

We don't all get married at the same age, get a job at the same age or have our first baby at the same age, so why should we be expected to have second/third children at the same time?

My dc are 26, 24, 22, 20 and 5.

We get about their ages and about how many we have. I quite like it

Whatever stage of life you are at there's always a question.

When are you going to settle down?
When are you going to get married?
When can we expect the patter of tiny feet?
When are you going to have more babies?
When are you going to retire?

All you can do sometimes is sigh dramatically!