AIBU to think that GPs get a raw deal and are very much under appreciated

[scuzy]

This is not a thread about a thread. its about numerous comments and threads i have read lately.

imo GPs have reared their kids and want to enjoy their grandkids. but for some, GPs who dont visit, or do visit and are spoiling the kids, or wont babysit or when they do, dont follow instructions are not appreciated.

many dont have help like that or close family. many dont have their parents still alive or in good health to mind kids.

appreciate your inlaws/parents that are in your kids lives and love them!

I also thought Drs.

I'm sure my PIL think they get a raw deal, but if they had raised their DCs in a way that meant they didn't move abroad to avoid their own parents they would see more of the GDCs, at least until they reach adulthood and decide enough is enough. There's a definite pattern to the OH's family.

i agree scuzy - my in laws are no longer around sadly - yes some things they did i found irritating but i never said anything and overall my kids lives would be more enriched if they were still here and doing things their way lol - some times they were even right you know!

my own mum has been a godsend my whole working life helping out with childcare and when its her house its her rules..i wouldn't have it any other way. yes she can be a bit OTT at times but it teaches my kids different ways of approaching things and to repect different rules. she is a bit OCD about things but explains everything she is doing and the reason for it, so because of her they have an excellent vocabulary

kids are amazing creatures - very adaptable between home and granny's and as long as they're happy i'm happy.

I sat through easter dinner listening to ILs give forth about what is appropriate behaviour from a child in a restaurant, and how their 2 year old grandchild was falling short. This included loudly pointing out children on the next table and saying 'You should ask those parents how they do it.'

Apparently IL's children sat in silence from birth and critiqued other diners on their table etiquette by the time they hit 5

Also MIL saying, 'Go on, go get hit by a car!' to a 6 year old, because she doesn't believe he should be trusted to stop at the kerb when he walks ahead.

And apparently it 'spoils' children to give them any attention.

These weren't my DCs.

Sorry just got back to this (sidetracked by True Blood which I taped) - yes my MIL is a gusher! .
But she does it every time, even now with the great grandchildren - our grandchildren - she thinks she has first dibs on them
Thankfully I am bigger and can usually rugby tackle her out of the way to get cuddles first.

I agree OP. Some GP's don't even get to see their GC over some stupid minor thing. There are so many DIL/SIL who hate their IL's and it's sad that loving, caring GP's are denied access to their GC over stupid things. That said, there are also horrible GP's who will make out that the DIL/SIL is the bad'un, when it's actually the GP's who are horrid and just spinning a story to cover themselves.

My MIL was quite irritating initially, but she was an absolute gem and we both gelled with each other. I was flattered when she told me that I was the only woman DH had dated that she actually liked, that I was gentle and caring, but also able to stand up for myself and tough as well.

When DS was born (her 1st and only GS) I was going through bad PND, but there was no way I would have refused to let her see DS no matter how bad I felt. It was simply because she had done nothing wrong and even through the PND I could see no reason to not to let her have her cuddle and kisses time with DS.

OP, yanbu. My parents have been fantastic, and I have never felt the urge to tell them how to do stuff - they were great parents to DSis and me, and I trust them to look after dd even more than I trust myself.

MIL is sadly overseas & we don't see her often. She is also very infirm, and my only regret is that dd cannot see her more regularly. FIL passed away before she was born.

I think some people are incredibly ungrateful and disrespectful towards their parents and their PIL. I think its such a pity for the grandchildren.

A healthy relationship is a great thing and good GPs should be appreciated, but in some circumstances, it isn't that clear cut. Some GPs get too close and start to think that they can have a say in their upbringing. Example. My parents have taken my niece overnight once or twice per week since my niece was 6 weeks - she is now 3.5. Ok, my DB and SiL love the idea of having kids but don't like the graft, but my mum and dad now openly criticise their parenting and SiL and DB don't seem to have a leg to stand on as they have left her with them far too much. Because of this, my parents have grown too close and think they have a right to a say in her upbringing. They adore her and in the case of my dad, I think she is his reason for getting up in the morning. It's really sad as she isn't his child.

When it comes to the DiL/mil relationship, it isn't always a case of the DiL being PFB. My mil and SiL treated me like utter shite when I had DS. There were signs during my pregnancy of how she wanted things to be, like mil, wanting to set up a cot in the spare room for when DS stayed over . We lived 10 mins walk away. We weren't even asked; it was a given that he would sleep there from a baby. They would openly call me a crap mother, tell me I talked shite and laugh in my face when I said I wanted to do things a certain way. I was called a nutter when I was suffering from pnd, a cruel mother for putting DS in nursery and a c&nt. DH did nothing to stop this as he is shit scared of them. We then moved 200 miles away as if I hadn't I am sure I'd have had some kind of breakdown. My relationship with DH has suffered so much from this. He buried his head in the sand and I feel so let down I'm not sure our relationship will fully recover, but at least I have some distance so hopefully things will work out in time. Anyway, I have banged on far too much. I don't want this to be a mil bashing post. Some of my friends PiLs are fab so I can see their worth. But sometimes, it isn't just the DiL being PFB. DH can take DS to MiL anytime he wants, but I do not wish to see her.

YANBU, grandparents cant do right from wrong it would seem. If they buy presents they are either too much or to little, if they offer babysitting they do it wrong and if they dont offer babysitting then they are declared selfish with comments of "well i wont look after them in old age".

They have already parented their children and should just be able to take pleasure in their grandchildren.