... to want MIL to spend time with DGS without her other DGC?

[chanie44]

This has happened to me and a friend of mine...

My story
Sometimes, when MIL comes around to visit and spend time with her grandson, she often has one of her other grandchildren with her. SIL pretty much moves in with MIL over the weekend, so she see's her other DGC loads. When OH (her son) and I had DS, I think she expected us to spend pretty much the whole weekend at her house. However, we both work full time so we have to plan our time. I have tried to make the effort to invite her around to our house and cook dinner, so she can spend quality time with DGS, but half the time, she has one of the others with her.

My friend
SHe told me a smiliar story. Her DH is going away for the weekend and wanted some company. She decided to invite her MIL instead of her mother (who is probably going to feel quite left out when she hears) so that MIL could spend quality time with her DGS (who is about 3 month and they live halfway accross England, so its not like they can just pop in). ANyway, MIL invites her DD (my friends SIL) and her two children along, so now my friend is having to host them a well.

I would genuinely like to know if it is BU for MIL to bring along the other DGC when they already spend loads of time with the other DGC.

BOth of our SIL have 2 children - one of pre-school age (e.g. 3-4) and a younger one, so they do need a lot of attention and supervision.

Its not that I'm hugely bothered, but it does feel like a bit of snub when you try and make the effort for MIL to spend more time with DGS.

I think that after the first wonderbaby grandchild that the novelty fades a bit (as it does with second and third children), they are all as lovable and clever as the first but somehow the first one's achievements and development was more notable. unless there is a desire particularly for a girl/boy . Generalising greatly here of course!

It is v unfair of one sibling to constantly foist GCs on GPs but don't think much can be done. Best to explain your wishes to GPs and they might be able to make one-to-one time.

ArtVandelay, we have parallel lives! On a recent trip we were encouraged to bath three of the kids together. My ds is a wee bit nervous of water but nothing to write home about, he gets on with it.. but SIL's eldest was (predictably) acting up and so my SIL ended up within an inch of her face screaming at her to be quiet which set my ds off as he was frankly terrified! Cue SIL running off as she can't "take it anymore" and lying sobbing on the couch while we sort out all the kids. Followed by massive shoutdown at lunch because her 3 and 5 year old swapped seats which apparently was just beyond the pale (but whacking eachother about the heads with toys is just aok! WTF?), so there are children deposited screaming on naughty corners around the house while we all just try to keep our heads down. Then if ds at 2 does anything there is a song and dance about that, though if her kids knock him over/bite him/throw stuff at him they are just being "excited" whereas he needs discipline! It is an exhausting way to spend free time.

Quite frankly OP, it could be a lot worse!

Empathetic lol at your SIL working :)

It is your sons cousins i dont see the problem of them mixing are you a bit envious of her other grandchildren and need your son to have solo time with her ? it really isnt a big deal imo at least the Gp is seeing her grandson ,

It is unreasonable to bring other children uninvited to someone's house though surely? I con't imagine my dad or inlaws turning up at our house with kids in tow unless they had asked first.
I think in future you should specify when you invite your inlaws that you'd like just them to come. If they have already arranged to babysit other grandchildren they can then arrange a day when they are free. Tell them you find too many small children tiring. I don't understand why you don't just talk to your inlaws about it, or ask your husband to.