to be upset about this?

[Jet2012]

Name changed for this post.

I was helping DH do something on eBay last night. He started a new tab on his web browser and it opened up with shortcuts to his most visited pages, which I saw before he typed in the address for the new website. Amongst Facebook, email and Google was "Beautiful naked tattood girls". Now, before people shout at me, I'm no prude, I know he's a bloke and full of testosterone, and his blokeyness is one of the things I like about him. And I have no issue with him looking at porn, photos of other women etc, he's a red blooded male and it's all fine. But I feel threatened by this one. I don't have any tattoos, and he does, and I know he is into them, and this has made me feel that he is spending time looking at pictures of girls who look nothing like me (I had a look at the website today, they are all stick thin), in fact, they look much more like his anorexic ex, who he has said didn't turn him on when she got too thin, and he always mentioned that he loves my curves. So he is telling me he loves my curves, while getting off by looking at photos of much thinner women with lots of tattoos - basically women who are the opposite of me. If he was looking at photos of women who were physically similar to me, I wouldn't have an issue.

AIBU to feel upset and a bit threatened? AIBU to be considering the fact that every time he sees me naked, he may well be wishing I had tattoos and was lots thinner, and he may well find me more attractive if I did, and therefore he would be happier if I was different? AIBU to want to talk to him about it, but to not really know what to say?

I should mention that we have been together for 3 years, and I am pregnant with our first child, and at that in-between stage where I am bulkier but don't yet have a bump, so I am feeling pretty unsexy and I know that this will make it easier to be more paranoid about stuff like this. Also, so as not to be spoon-feeding, my ex husband has a fetish for something I wasn't into, I found out about it by finding photos on his computer of him with other women (that was a nice moment, not...) and so photos of other women, who are different from me, do tend to make me a bit paranoid.

Well, every time he looks at porn, he is looking at pictures of women who are not you. I'm not sure that the tattoo photos are significant, in themselves.

I wouldn't be happy about the porn generally, for all sorts of reasons, and I don't think it's something that all normal red bloodied men do. That said, maybe some of them are more discreet about it and I'm just not aware of it.

That said, he isn't hiding anything from you, and you wouldn't be fair to mistrust him, on the grounds that your ex was a cheat. The pg probably will be making you feel insecure about your body - it does affect some women that way.

I think that you should talk to your partner and also remember that he chose to be with you. What people fantasise about, doesn't necessarily reflect what they want in real life. If he is a good partner generally and has never given you grounds for concern, then chances are, you have little to worry about.

i sometimes search for pictures of naked tattooed girls too.

I can see how it would bring out your insecurities though

just because you might get off on dwarf porn or whatever, doesnt mean you want your OH to look like that

Looking at it the other way though, i once found my dh had been looking at red haired womens naked pictures (red hair porn?) and since i have red hair i was mostly disturbed by the fact he chose to look at other red haired naked women when i was right in the next room. I dont think him looking at tatooed women means he wishes you had tattoos its just one thing ( probably of many) he enjoys. You coukd ask him

I have a feeling you'd be even more insecure if the women he was looking at were similar to you...because they still wouldn't be you, would they?

I'm sure he loves you just the way you are and the tattoo thing is just something he's interested in.

Thank you for your comments. I think it's hormonal insecurity and past worries getting the better of me. He is lovely and I am an idiot.

Humph, you will get loads on here telling you how disgusting and vile he is for using porn, but most men do use it and anyone who thinks they don't is living in dreamland. I do not have a problem with it myself.

I wouldn't worry about the tatoos/weight. We are allowed to fantasise about whatever we like but in real life he has chosen YOU.

If you share a computer I suggest you explain to him you find it a bit offputting so can he please make sure the bookmarks etc are placed more discretely.