To think my MIL is one of the worst...

[EMS23]

My SIL is a nice enough person, we're very different but she is a good person and we get on well.

Her mother, my MIL is just so bloody mean to her. She's bad enough to me but it mostly goes over my head and I try not to rise to it but the things she says to her own daughter make me want to throttle the cow.

There are many things but yesterday, the whole family met up to meet SIL's new baby (DC3), born 14 hours previously. The first thing her mum, her own bloody mother says to her is:
You'll have to get rid of that belly you've still got there.

WTAF?!!

Sounds like an utter cow. Any other lovely things she says?

My ex mil was similarly tactful.

Ah so she is not just a crap mil but is in fact a crap mother!!

How did SIL respond?! I'd be sobbing!

Did you stick up for your SIL and say "don't be so bloody ridiculous MIL"?

All depends on the dynamics of the relationship between them. Some people can have a relationship where they talk frankly, freely, do not mean or take offence, and get on fine. To others it may appear weird, but to them it may be perfectly acceptable.

SIL never says anything back but I know it does upset her. I think she's just used to it.

I'd love to stick up for her but I'm normally too busy defending my DH, myself, our DD or my DSS! Honestly, she doesn't stop, she never just has a conversation, she's always criticising someone.

Other gems include:
To SIL at our wedding: it's a shame you'll never get married (her DP won't marry her).
To DH about his DS, my DSS: I don't understand why you still bother with him now you've split up with her (his ex)
To me : you're lucky my son likes fat women (I'm size 14)
To my (overweight) dad: you're very greedy aren't you?
To my mum: how awful that you worked when your kids were young, mums should stay home
To BIL and his wife who is taller than him: I get embarrassed introducing you to my friends because you look so ridiculous together.
To all her grandkids at one time or another: you're stupid, rude, ignorant

She's horrible!

She's not Prince Philip in disguise is she?

Oooh she is a charmer!

Maybe you should start to drop in comments about how people who are negative must be so miserable to see the world like that.

I think I would have to say something to suggest that if she can't say something nice she shouldn't say anything at all

Dear God, I think I would be in perpetual arguments with her. I don't blame you for not defending your SIL, because I can see how wearing it must be, but I do think that your DH should take her to task in a serious way, and you should all back him up.

What a bitch! I think you should all vote with yuor feet as it were and stop inviting her to stuff. Shouldn't be so hard to tell her the reason why. "We didn't want our special day spoiled by your nasty, tactless comments."

Tell her she's lucky you all tolerate her spite because she is old and might die soon.

Has no-one ever said to her 'Why are you being such a moaning cow?'

Yes, as said above, you all need to take a line on this together.

Your SIL could take responsibility for herself and not put up with it, the fact is she chooses to let her mum talk to her like shite.

I know it's not as simple as that, her mum could have worn her self esteem down in a similar way to someone living with domestic violence.

Have you ever talked to her about why she lets her get away with behaving so badly.

Why does everyone else let her get away with it?

It's that I can never understand, these types of people just have everyone round them jumping through hoops trying to please them, why is that??

she sounds lovely!

I'm sure the OP'll let you have her if you ask nicely cheesy

Why do any of you put up with it?

The woman has a serious brain-to-mouth control issue.

Is she my mother, that sounds like something she would say:

some of her best ones
"it's for the best (I'm having a mc) three kids would be expensive and DP will leave you"
"look at the size of your arse" (first thing she said when I hadn't seen her in a year
"well nevermind you can always try for a third" (on hearing DD2 was a DD)
"only real women can have boys"
"all men want a son, if you can't have a son DP will leave you to find someone who can give him a son"
"you'll turn her into one of those lesbians" when I bought DD1 some toy cars when she was one

There's loads more, I haven't spoken or seen her for 3 years now in part due to the above.

My DH does row with her quite often but it never gets him anywhere.
I suppose we all put up with it out of some sense of maternal loyalty.

But the day she tells my DD she's fat will be the day my turn the other cheek policy gets shelved. In many ways I'm looking forward to it! DD is 17months old so I'm in for a long wait. I've been waiting 8 years so far!

My Grandma's like that, always saying something nasty. Thank goodness she's stopped talking to me know i've had a baby out of wedlock.

I get the exact same thing though. She always says it right in front of my mum/other relatives but funnily enough my mum never hears it.. [buhmm]

I always say something back, then I'm the bad one for arguing with an old lady...

sweetkitty yes, they could be the same person couldn't they?!
I'm sorry it's damaged your relationship with your mum though.

I like to think of it as a form of tourettes. Helps me let it wash over me but if it was my own mum saying such mean things to me, I don't think I would cope.

"But the day she tells my DD she's fat will be the day my turn the other cheek policy gets shelved."
I really don't get why you are waiting. Why not just tell her to fuck off now?

What she said. Do you want her to say it to your DD?