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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them out of school for three days?

87 replies

lisad123 · 08/04/2012 17:01

I know this is going to divide all or turn into a bun fight, but I'm strong and have helmet and popcorn ready :)
I have two girls who we would like to take to Disneyland Paris. Dd1 will be in year 5 and dd2 will be in reception. They both have autism and don't manage large crowds and noise too well.
I have looked at school holidays but friend made it clear that the whole of France is on holiday in aug! Weekends are mad busy and we are better to go midweek.
Do I go knowing we might get fined from school but know the girls will have a better time OR risk the school holidays??

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 08/04/2012 23:13

here is old thread

OP posts:
fluffypillow · 08/04/2012 23:19

Yes, go. YANBU at all.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 08/04/2012 23:25

Lisa - I didn't realise your thread was still around, I just assumed it would have gone by now. I wont read it again, I already have steam coming out of my ears just thinking about it - it's the second thing I think of when I see your name (on any thread, the first is your DH of course), but it will be an eye opening read for anyone who hasn't already read it, that's for sure.

I think the Eurostar is a good idea - you can choose your seats and everything :) Much less stressful than flying with small children (even those without SN).

They don't want DD2 at their school - beyond belief isn't it :( Are they allowed to 'not want' a child there? What convoluted reason did they come up with?

Can't you move DD1 to DD2's school? What is DD2's school like?

Could you not go to Disney this term before DD2 starts school? Spring/May is a lovely time to go, weather is nice but not too hot.

Original poster
lisad123 · 08/04/2012 23:30

We haven't got enough money to go that soon otherwise I would go in spring.
They can't outrightly refuse to have dd2 BUT when I went to visit because I wanted to ask about support ect, the SENCO for the infants was very clear about what help she wouldn't get and was very negative, she didn't even ask for name, functioning levels ect.
New school seems wonderful, so she hopefully starts in sept. I can't move dd1, her anxiety levels are huge at the moment to the point that she's under mh team Sad to pull her out of everything and everyone she knows may just be too much.

OP posts:
celticlassie · 08/04/2012 23:32

Can't you just self-cert them as being sick? Surely if you say they're not well enough to come to school, especially if they're in different schools, you'd get away with that? I'm in Scotland, tho, so apologies if things are stricter down South.

Original poster
lisad123 · 08/04/2012 23:34

Not a chance, my kids don't know how to lie. It's a rule for dd1 not to lie and there is no chance she's breaking any rules Wink
Dd2 would tell the world!

OP posts:
HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 08/04/2012 23:36

Go and I hope you all have a lovely time. This issue of taking a child out of school in term time, and the consequent uproar seems to be a very British thing (along with early bedtimes Grin).

I cannot see the massive negative consequences for primary school children. I live in Ireland, and have done this and seen many of my friends do this on a not infrequent basis( ie 2 or 3 days missed per school year for a holiday).

You have such valid reasons for doing this: go, have a wonderful time and don't give the school a second thought.

lovebeinganana · 08/04/2012 23:44

I am well aware that children in my class have been on holiday during term time but parents or friends phone to inform school that the child is ill. I know they have been on holiday because the children tell me but it's in register as illness so nothing happens. Of course I am not advocating doing this but needs must.

I am a teaching assistant but also teach 2 days a week, this year we are going to Orlando again but are due to travel on the last day of term, a saving of £1000 compared to travelling the next day. Haven't told/asked the head yet was going to ask for unpaid leave, but a colleague suggested saying had booked the Saturday but flights been changed that way the head would authorise day off without losing pay, not sure I am not very good at telling lies.

Feenie · 08/04/2012 23:58

No - particularly as 'your' class will need covering. Hmm

lovebeinganana · 09/04/2012 00:03

No my class will not need covering I job share and Friday is not one of the days I teach and my school do not cover TA's absence.

Babylon1 · 09/04/2012 00:06

@ letseatgrandma

Definitely £50 per parent per child, parents don't have to be living together either, can be separated but still have PR.
HTH xx

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:15

lovebeinganana - so you're saying it won't matter if you're there or not? Shock

Babylon1 · 09/04/2012 00:21

It boils my blood to know heads can be so unreasonable Sad

I say just go and sod what head or LA say/do. In all fairness I'd advocate you ignoring all the fines in the world just to get a summons before a magistrate where you'd be entitled to legal aid representation and I could almost guarantee an absolute discharge with your family circumstances. Also give you an opportunity to drag heads name thru mud too as obviously you'd go to local press too Wink

I hate it when heads think they are one step removed from god, and I count my blessings that the head at my DD1s school
Is lovely.

Just to make you smile if I may, when I was a truancy officer, I once had a head order me to leave her school at once as I had dared to challenge her over an issue Angry
I told her I would leave just as soon as I'd completed her full register check and audit as required legally by LA. her face was an absolute picture, record keeping was not her strong point and after I had pointed out more than 30 anomalies in the registers compared to the computerised record, I told her that the job was far too involved and serious for me to complete on my own and that i would return at the end of the school day with my senior officer to investigate further. Grin
Unbeknown to her, my senior officer was actually my mum (no really) so it was very easy to arrange, and watching my mum tear a strip off the head for having inaccurate and incomplete records was hilarious!!!Grin
Mother and I still laugh about it now, she was my boss for more than 10 years and we were very professional about if all, but now we've both moved on to new pastures we do have some laughs!!bSmile

Babylon1 · 09/04/2012 00:23

@feenie

I don't think she's saying that at all, but again if a head can be that unreasonable, a little White lie is not going to hurt is it Wink??

lovebeinganana · 09/04/2012 00:24

It's not so much that it won't matter, but it's the last day of the school year the children bring in toys, it won't affect their education.

A couple of years ago the last day of the school year was an inset day the head agreed we could have twilight sessions for a couple of terms and have the last day off. A few staff members booked holidays to start on that day. Unexpectedly we had a new head and the inset day was changed but she agreed to allow the ones who had booked holiday to take the day off, I was one of them and the school/my class didn't suffer because I wasn't there on the last day.

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:32

I don't think she's saying that at all, but again if a head can be that unreasonable, a little White lie is not going to hurt is it?

Er...where has she said he is unreasonable?

Heads who don't allow school employees leave in term time aren't unreasonable, ffs - it's their job! We get 13 weeks off as it is, and it's just tough. You can't go ahead and book a holiday anyway, then muse on a talkboard that you may lie about it so you get paid! I can't believe she is trying to justify it - or that anyone would condone it.

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:34

You may have a point that the children won't miss anything necessarily - although the class teacher wouldn't be able to do the same. But that's different to deliberately booking a holiday in term time and consciously lying so you get paid! Jeez Shock

lovebeinganana · 09/04/2012 00:42

I actually said I was going to take unpaid leave ( even though I have tine owing to me) it was a colleague who suggested telling a lie I said I am not good at telling lies. The class teacher often changes her days off, with my agreement, so that she can go away for long weeekends etc. this is never covered, I teach the class alone but I don't mind doing it as a favour to her, it's the first time I have booked holiday in term time but a saving of £1000 cannot be sniffed at.

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:48

Indeed - why don't we all phone in sick on the last day of term? Hmm

I am a teaching assistant but also teach 2 days a week, this year we are going to Orlando again but are due to travel on the last day of term, a saving of £1000 compared to travelling the next day. Haven't told/asked the head yet was going to ask for unpaid leave, but a colleague suggested saying had booked the Saturday but flights been changed that way the head would authorise day off without losing pay, not sure I am not very good at telling lies.

You've already booked it - but you have to ask for unpaid leave. It doesn't have to be given, and 'well I've booked it now' doesn't sound to me like the most reasonable or professional of arguments. Hmm

And 'was' going to ask 'but' kind of suggests you were considering your colleague's suggestion. As does the 'it's the last day of the school year the children bring in toys, it won't affect their education' - sounds like you've made up your mind to me.

CarrieMoonbeam · 09/04/2012 00:50

I'm with you Feenie on that one.

I'm a head btw - and a reasonable one at that - but I strongly object to people taking the piss. And my staff know that - they respect me, I respect them and they don't try it on.

lovebeinganana · 09/04/2012 00:51

Yes I have booked it as I said I have time owing to me but instead of using this I was going to ask for unpaid leave.

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:52

Thank goodness for another voice of reason - thought I might be going nuts for a minute! I can't believe anyone would think this is reasonable behaviour as a school employee - particularly a part time teacher.

Feenie · 09/04/2012 00:55

You need to ask before you book, lovingbeinganana. And you gave every indication that you were seriously considering lying. It's only the last day, eh? Hmm

BoysInCoatheads · 09/04/2012 01:03

I took my DS1 who had ASD out of school for a holiday as I felt it would've been too much for him in the summer. We got the school's permission.

Go ahead, OP, three days isn't the end of the world at that age.

CarrieMoonbeam · 09/04/2012 01:04

Think you'll find that under your Ts and Cs, unpaid leave can only be granted in exceptional circumstances - and going on holiday isn't one of them.