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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH controlling my eating

37 replies

FishermansWife · 07/04/2012 12:05

This is the latest from my 'D'H.

We are having guests over for a week and i was busy all day yesterday cleaning, deep cleaning the fridge, the cooker, the worktops scrubbing the floor. I also had to keep an eye out for DS1 who is 21 months old. Whilst i was doing this, DH was sat on his ass playing mini golf on the computer.

At around 4yesterday i asked him to make me a well deserved cup of tea and asked for a few biscuits. He grabbed my thighs and started to mockingly examine them saying " do we have enough room in there for a few biscuits or would it be better to give u a ryvita." I couldnt believe what he said and went mad. Im a healthy size 10 and am not fat. I have self esteem and weight issues and hes knows that. He is adamant that it was a joke....

Why would any DEAR HUSBAND make such a stupid weight joke?

AIBU to leave him in the house with a list of tasks t o do and just go out?

OP posts:
lesley33 · 07/04/2012 12:07

No YANBU he was very insensitive to say and do that. Leave him with a list of tasks and tell him you are going out for tea and cake.

dexter73 · 07/04/2012 12:07

Shock Does he actually want to be castrated!

whackamole · 07/04/2012 12:08

YANBU.

When you dish up the meal to your guests that you will have undoubtedly cooked, dish him up a tiny portion and say that as he has sat on his arse all day he doesn't need the added calories.

WitchOfEndor · 07/04/2012 12:09

Try serving him much smaller portions for dinner and when he asks for more grab his belly and ask if there is any room in there for more dinner. Weight can be such a sensitive subject that it shouldn't be the topic of a 'joke'.

EostreAngelofchocolateeggs · 07/04/2012 12:10

YANBU He knows that you have self esteem and weight issues and he thinks that's funny Shock

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 07/04/2012 12:11

He wouldn't be saying it twice to me

Seriously, that's shit. Have you told him how it made you feel?

edam · 07/04/2012 12:12

That's appalling. What a shitty, nasty way to behave.

rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 12:13

Why on earth were you being such a martyr giving the house a deep clean? Sorry but you sound like hard work (weight issue aside). Why did you have to watch ds if your dh was in the house too? Why have to write him a list of tasks? If dh did this to me I would be peed off.

Original poster
FishermansWife · 07/04/2012 12:17

I told him today too how i feel and he is very pissed off with me. More pissed off with me for posting it on MN. That is really pissing me off now. He knows he is in the wrong but posting this here is worse in his eyes than making jokes about weight!!!

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 12:19

Have to say I would be incredibly pissed off too if dh posted personal stuff about me on the internet. Why did you tell him??

Callisto · 07/04/2012 12:22

The comment by your husband was pretty vile, but he obviously has little respect for you to let you clean and care for your son while he watches. And him being pissed off with you is classic controlling/bullying behaviour.

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 07/04/2012 12:23

He knows you've posted it? [bugrin]

Wait a wee while and show him the responses, that should cheer him right up.
But I get the feeling he's the type to dismiss us as fat, bitter housewives anyway.

rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 12:24

Surely it's pretty normal to be pissed off at your partner posting on the internet about you. I also dont agree that he let her clean and look after her son. If dh wants to deep clean the house doesnt mean to say I am obliged to join him in this.

The weight things was nasty though.

Mimmee · 07/04/2012 12:28

What a nasty bastard.

He's pissed off with you because he knows he was in the wrong and is getting defensive and trying to turn it round onto you.

Don't fall for it!

zipzap · 07/04/2012 12:36

Well at least you posted on a nice anonymous Internet forum - it's not like you sent the details of his behaviour and asked advice by sending it to 'all' at his place of work, fiveaside footie team, local pub etc.

Sounds like he is using attack as his best form of defence.

Next time there are jobs to be done either you do them and physically put ds into his lap to look after or sit while he is sitting or throw him off the pc after half an hour so you get your half an hour - something, anything so you are physically getting him to realise the jobs that need doing and to make sure you get the same amount of leisure and relaxing time.

sunshineandbooks · 07/04/2012 12:39

He sounds like a twat.

takingiteasy · 07/04/2012 12:42

Rainbow are you the husband in question by any chance? How is cleaning before the arrival of guests and expecting the other adult in the vicinity to contribute martyr like?

duchesse · 07/04/2012 12:44

Yadnbu!! He's being an arsehole. Leave with a massive list of things to do including scrubbing the loos and go and do something nice for the day. Tell him you expect supper on the table when you get back.

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 07/04/2012 12:45

I too am baffled as to how, when told one adult spent the day cleaning and the other played mini-golf on the computer, the cleaning one 'sounds like hard work'.

takingiteasy · 07/04/2012 13:02

Think someone is just looking for a fight! If dh decides to clear out his shed and start polishing his engine bits that's his problem similarly if I want to de-clutter my nail polish or tidy out my knicker drawer. To throw a tantrum over not getting a hand may be a bit martyr like.

But when it comes to cleaning like this before guests arrive it does not make you hard work! If dh can't or won't make the effort to help he knows to get himself and ds out the road! Which I actually prefer!

Leverette · 07/04/2012 13:02

This reply has been deleted

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rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 13:02

If dh decided he was going to deep clean all day I wouldnt feel that I had to join in unless the house was an absolute pits. Just because I am not immediately saying he must be a bastard because of this doesnt make me the dh Hmm just someone with a different opinion...

echt · 07/04/2012 13:04

OP-while your DH sounds like a shit, he's not controlling your eating as you stated in the title.

Has he locked up your food?

He's made a foul joke for which he needs to be soundly kicked in the balls, but he's not controlling you. Save that designation for people who really are being run by their OHs.

sunshineandbooks · 07/04/2012 13:04

Cleaning might be symptomatic of a man who believes housework is women's work or a woman who has a touch of OCD, but making a derogatory comment about someone's weight when you know they are sensitive about it can only be interpreted one way - you are a twat.

lalaland3008 · 07/04/2012 14:01

He sounds like an asshole and all these thread are making me so very glad I live alone.

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