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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my DD model?

73 replies

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 08:49

Hard hat is on. My DD is aged 7 in year three...she is very, very shy but very bright. She is very interested in media, loves learning about the machinations of TV advertising and about film making and animation. She is also very beautiful..(she really is...Im not being vain about her)

She has asked me a while ago how she could get to be in magazines and on TV....I don't even buy fashion mags....the only ones we have here are things like Country Living so she's been looking at the adverts in them and at supplements we get sent from clothing companies.

She studies the adverts and sort of takes them apart...she has hassled and hassled me about getting to audition for TV ads...i have naturally been reticent, not least because she is so very shy....( I mean shy in the extreme) I explained that the auditions would invlve a degree of performance and that she would be asked to talk to people she'd never met....she was still very keen.

So I did some research and found the best kids agency...very reputable...no charges at all except their percentage....no asking us to attend photo shoots for portfolios. They work from snaps....and their client list is impressive....I made extra sure of this companies reputation and it's all good.

They have accepted her for their Northern branch and have made it clear she'll now be put up for jobs. I am having a hear attack thinking about it. Not only will I have to take her...but possibly see her fall apart at auditions..they do tv ad stuff as well as fashion but I also have to deal with her feelings if she doesn't get parts....

WHat should I do? Let her go for it? How can I tell her no now I am having dobts about her self esteem getting affected? SHe wants to do this but I can't imagine the way she will react in these situations.

OP posts:
scuzy · 07/04/2012 08:54

i dont know tough one. on one hand i think she is very young and the pressure on body image these days can start so young. plus the rejection which will happen could also have damaging effects.

but on the other hand if you think it might be something she is able for and has the talent, perhaps you could meet with an agency on your own and discuss. bring in a few photos, suss out whats involved etc.

you could also enrol her in drama to bring out her confidence and could explain its a start.

in fact now that i think of it, my gut says she is very young. work on her shyness and take classes perhaps. concentrate on school emphasise how important it is. she will still be if not more beatiful in another few years so has plenty of time.

good luck with what you decide. support her but remember you are her mum, not best friend.

rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 08:55

Dd is of a similar age and often muses about doing this. However, although she is confident I know she is not confident enough to do this. Even if she were I wouldnt want her to miss the time off school. Her best friend does this a lot and is often off school doing a shoot. Not sure why you let it go so far if you dont think she could do it.

SydSaid · 07/04/2012 08:56

Hey, if she wants to do it I think you should. It could well be the thing that helps boost her self-esteem. Maybe stick to modelling rather than tv initially to see how she gets on?

I hate the whole pushy mum thing, when mothers try and live their dreams and ambitions out on their children, but this is her idea and what she wants.

She'll blame you if you don't let her....

squeakytoy · 07/04/2012 08:56

If she is so keen, at least let her try once. It may help her overcome her shyness, or it may not help, but there is nothing to lose by trying.

rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 08:57

Also her best friend does often talk about being pretty (she is) and is very much into labels etc not something I would want dd to get into as she is happy with Tesco and Sainsburys.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 08:57

I have looked to find something else that she would be interested in such as an animation course but there's nothing like that for her age group...she wants to make clothes so I have booked her into a kids sewing club where they get to use machines...but she's determined to do this. The agency said it was good to see it as a hobby like she is....rather than a career start....so that seems ok but I am nervous still.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 08:58

You do sound like you're trying to be her best friend rather than a parent a little bit.

scuzy · 07/04/2012 08:59

well then perhaps meet with the agency yourself first with pics? i have no doubt she is beautiful but we all think our kids are. so suss them out first on your own and see if they are interested to work with her.

and school should come first. no missing school for anything.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:00

Rainbow suppose I didn't want to quash somethng she showed an interest in....with her being so reserved...I don't wax lyrical about her looks to her...Im far more likely to flatter her for being kind or for doing a job well.

My dd loves textiles and yes...she loves clothes but not in a "Look I have a Dior dress" kind of way...more in a "I made these legwarmers myself" kind of way. She's very creative.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:02

Scuzy I have met the agency...they've seen the pics I had....they have met her breifly but are keen to point out that there is no way of knowing how a cchild will react at castings...they told me some of the most confident kids fall apart and other dont...and that the parents are encouraged to stpe back and allow the child to manage the thing themselves...

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 09:03

Dd often customises her clothing and cuts up and adapts stuff she's grown out of. I just take it as play rather than booking her into a sewing class. I dont think it's unusual for girls their age tbh.
As others have said there is no harm done to take her for a try out and see what happens but perhaps you've made it into something bigger than it is for your dd if you are so worried about her self esteem being knocked.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:04

I could wait a bit longer...tell her she needs to be ten or something?

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 09:05

I am not sure you should base your decision on a few ramblings from strangers on the internet. You've gone so far so must be for it.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:05

rainbow all due respect but I like to encourage my DD in ALL her ventures...and if that means booking her into a sewing club because she asked me if she could learn to sew...well then thats fine surely. Hardly proof of a pushy mum. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:06

Maybe your DD would like sewing club too? Better than all the myriad dance clubs where they jump about in spangles I would have thought.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 09:07

Okay. Good for you. I must confess to not having the time or energy to do this for my dc.

rainbowinthesky · 07/04/2012 09:08

I can do brownies for her and swimming. That's my limit.

scuzy · 07/04/2012 09:08

i dont think your a pushy mum. go with your gut. try perhaps one casting but encourage the sewing and making clothes (wonderful creative thing to do). there are loads of cheap making outfit kits out there and a sewing machine is a great start.

just be protective of her and talk to her.

scuzy · 07/04/2012 09:09

drama would help her come out of herself more

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:09

I would have taught her but I'm not great at it and she needs to mix a bit more I think....I dont know. Theyre so confusing and this modelling thing is s opposite what you would imagine her to be interested in. I wanted some advice...I think I will let her try one casting and see how she goes...if she enjjoys it then fine. If not then that will be that and we'll chalk it up to experience.

OP posts:
purplewithred · 07/04/2012 09:10

Personally I did, but it was a lesson in rejection and humility more than anything else - which I did expect. There are lots of pretty girls and very few opportunities and you need to be prepared to handle her reaction to being rejected.

On the other hand there is the chance she will be successful, which will involve huge effort and expense from you for a very uncertain financial outcome.

However, if you don't let her do it it will go one of two ways: either she will forget all about it and move on, or she will continue to want to do it and as she gets older you will find it increasingly difficult to stop her.

You are most certainly between a rock and several very hard places on this one.

But we survived - I let her have a go, she wasn't successful, she sucked it up and moved on, and we had some fun and got some great photos along the way.

scuzy · 07/04/2012 09:10

thats good. one casting and suss out see if she likes it.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 07/04/2012 09:11

Scuzy I have put her name down for drama club as they told me they get a lot f shy kids and it helps them....luckily they offer two classed free and they say this is enough to tell if they'll warrm to it or not....could be summer brfore there is a place.

I can't get her into Brownies for love nor money! Huge list.

OP posts:
scuzy · 07/04/2012 09:11

good post purplewithred. thats what the OP needs someone who has been through it. perhaps you could also meet up with some mums and get some first hand tips and experiences at the castings.

marriedinwhite · 07/04/2012 09:11

I'm going against the grain here. She's beautiful, she's up for it and providing you don't let it go to her head if it's a roaring success, what do you both have to lose. If, at the first hurdle or two it isn't for her you can always bow out gracefully. Handle it sensibly and it could be a significant something towards her college expenses, first car, etc.. The flip side is that if you handle it badly you could end up with a self obsessed brat on your hands.

FWIW our dd who is 13 is very very shy. She has though always liked drama and feels that on stage she can project somebody else not her shy self. This was a love that kindled at about 7 and she usually takes the star roles at school and in a drama club she goes to and it is a true love. Five years ago we were very clear it was a hobby, now providing she also continues her studies and ensures she has a string to her bow that will allow her to achieve a regular income, we would be prepared to support her all the way.

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