Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to plan

18 replies

lalaland3008 · 06/04/2012 21:02

to have a baby knowing that if you get pregnant the baby will be born around the same time as your sister / sil wedding? Reasons afaik are also wanting sibling to have birthdays around the same time of ywar.

This is not about me but a scenario that is going on in my family.

I do not think it's unreasonable because I think life changing decisions like creating new life have to come first. But what do you think?

OP posts:

HalfPastWine · 06/04/2012 21:04

No, it's not unreasonable. You plan a baby for when it suits you.

It would be very shallow and selfish to expect someone not to plan a pregnancy due to a social event.

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2012 21:21

That would be one huge sense of entitlement to expect the world to orbit round your wedding!

Which by the sounds of the threads on here is pretty common

It's totally up to the couple having the baby, if the SIL thinks anything of it that's her lookout.

Plaguegroup · 06/04/2012 21:25

Very few people seem to have babies exactly when they would plan it to be most convenient, particularly if it takes a while TTC no-one should be expected to stop because it might interfere with someone else's wedding plans.

Also (anecdotally) there's nothing like a big occasion in 9 months time leading to conception success.

Kayano · 06/04/2012 21:26

I'm planning when to try conceive dc2 and couldn't give a toss about if the date is
Convenient for anyone else

ESP not a wedding! Lol

Gumby · 06/04/2012 21:26

Perfectly reasonable IMO

But I don't understand the siblings having birthdays at same time of year
Isn't it better to spread them out financial wise?

undercoverPrincess · 06/04/2012 21:27

Not unreasonable :)

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 06/04/2012 21:29

WTAF? You have a baby when's best for you or when you least expect it not to fit in with someone else's diary!

JustHecate · 06/04/2012 21:30

not unreasonable at all. but planning to have a baby around a certain time is no guarantee that's what you'll get. This person could be trying for month. Unless they're planning to ONLY try when the dates line up with the due date they want. [boggle]

I hope they're not deluding themselves that it's always a case of want to get pregnant - get pregnant.

It can take time.

I am also fairly confident that children prefer to have birthdays at different times of the year, otherwise they get lumped together and kids don't generally like the shared gift/shared party life

Original poster

lalaland3008 · 06/04/2012 21:33

gumby not sure regarding the birthdays, that's what they were trying for I think.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2012 21:34

Are the couple banking on it being an extravagant get out clause to avoid going to the wedding?

Forward planning at it's best.

Original poster

lalaland3008 · 06/04/2012 21:39

agentzigzag that's the worst thing about it I know they'll do their best to get to the wedding (which is 200 miles away) whether it's heavily pregnant or newborn & two young children in tow.

OP posts:

Meglet · 06/04/2012 21:42

yanbu.

You can plan as much as you want, but there's no guarantee whether it will happen in 9 months or 9 years. Better to get cracking sooner than later even if it does clash with a family celebration.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 06/04/2012 21:44

If I wanted to be at my sisters/Sil's wedding I would plan not to be due at least a month before and a month after. Of course this is not guarantee, but it's a good 'gap'. Not TTC for that period is not exactly a huge sacrifice (for most people) is it?

I suppose it depends if it's more important to them to have the baby at that time (if they can) or be at the wedding. I would think it would have to be a pretty 'big' deal to them to have the baby then OR a pretty 'small' deal for them to attend the wedding to do this.

However, if they were having trouble conceiving then it would be more than reasonable not to have a 'gap' in trying just to be sure they could attend the wedding... but it doesn't sound like it's the case here.

normaleggy · 06/04/2012 21:47

My sil was really pissed off when I fell pregnant with dd as she was due around her wedding, said it would take the attention away . As it turned out she was born 4 days before and was promptly made bridesmaid which sil was overjoyed about because she only had page boys. However if she had been difficult at the time, I would have told her to fuck off!!

MrsFillyjonk · 06/04/2012 21:53

No not unreasonable. This scenario happened to me, I was made to feel terribly guilty by sil that I was due on the same day she was getting married, there was a big family fallout from this, after several years it really means nothing now - they are married, I have my baby, the two don't compare. I regret that I let it affect me so emotionally, I think now my sil has had a child she realises how ridiculous she was being.

DoomCatsofCognitiveDissonance · 06/04/2012 21:55

I think it's unreasonable to plan your wedding when your sister/SIL is likely to be giving birth ... if you've been forced to set a date more than 9 months in advance and really can't change it, that's a pity ... but surely it's a lot easier to move a wedding?

Disclaimer: have never had a baby, but have had a wedding. I would not have thought twice about moving the wedding!

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2012 22:01

I can't imagine the amount of self absorption needed to get pissed off at someone having a baby at the same time as your wedding, enough to fall out with people over it

At least your SIL realised what she was like MrsF.

drcrab · 06/04/2012 22:25

Well we were very newly pregnant with dc2 when bil announced they were getting married. We of course told them when we were due (they'd not booked dates or hotels yet). And they of course booked the exact weekend we were due or near enough. Dc was born on 22nd and wedding was booked for the 25th. They wanted dh to be the best man too.

The groom kept saying 'oh but you never know when kids arrive' (said as a father of 3...). The bride kept going on about 'what a pity you can't be here'. It was a 6hr drive up north FFS.

They now can never come for dc's birthday because they are celebrating their anniversary. I've not seen them since.

Flip