In thinking this is an odd thing to do?

[Voidka]

DH and I were having a discussion about my SD.

When he buys the children a present for wither Christmas or birthday, he will specify exactly what the money is to buy - and he asks for proof (as we dont see him very often)

It was the same when we were children - I suppose I am used to to it but DH always laughs.

In fact last year was a bit strained because he sent the money for DD's present and I knew she wouldnt like it as she isnt into Barbie. He got really funny when I suggested possibly buying something else.

This doesn't make sense, sorry.

It does make sense - SD is step-dad, yes?

YANBU, that is quite a strange thing to do. Why doesn't he just buy the present, instead of giving you money and then asking for proof?

SD= Step-dad, yes :)

So he sends money, tells you what to spend it on and asks for proof? How very odd indeed. I think I'd be letting kids spend it on whatever they want, if he wants them to have a specific present he should go out and buy it and wrap it himself.

Is SD step-Dad? Makes a bit more sense then. If he's that fussed about what the children should have as a present, why doesn't he buy it himself?

My mum is a bit controlling with money gifts. She always tries to dictate what is to be purchased. I find it annoying and encourage DS to buy whatever he wants.

Why doesn't he buy the gifts? Why are you sending the proof anyway, I wouldn't be!

Yes I find that strange. I would suggest that he buys the gifts himself and expect the children to be polite if they don't like it. As for asking for proof, that is very controlling, if he got them himself he wouldn't need proof and I would not supply it - if he visits he can see for himself.

Perhaps suggest he take his money and his ideas into ToysRUs?

Does he think you're blowing the cash on Gin? [buconfused]

That's just silly. Barbies cost more than gin. drinks Lidl gin

ooo, you could get two bottles

I normally just send him a picture of the DC's playing with the toy on my mobile.

He is quite controlling, and the older I get the more I realise how much of our lives he controlled as a child.

He doesnt buy the presents because he lives in another country so doesnt want to spend the postage - he puts the money in my bank account.

If he's safely in a far off country then just spend the cash on something your children actually want/need. What can he do, really? Worst case scenario is no more money from him - would you care?

Take the photos in ToysRus, put the toys back on the shelf, and go and spend the money how you choose.

Flogging Molly - right there with you

That reminds me of my nanna every year she would send money for a wreath for my mums grave - my stepfather would drive us to the cemetary whip a wreath from another grave,take a picture of me with it then put the wreath back and pocket the money .

I think id say to stepdad look he/she isnt really into xyz anymore theyre saving for a bike/laptop/ipod etc etc so if you send money theyd much rather use it for that and obviously will send you a thankyou card.

Ah, sorry Nick. That isn't funny [busad]

Yep, odd.

Maybe he doesn't realize what a faff it is? With some people who are, ahem, precise about how they spend their money, what they really understand is you saying how much money it costs to carry out the buying of the gift. I mean, it sounds as if it does not occur to him that your time and effort matters, but perhaps he would understand better if you could tell him that petrol/parking for the shop costs half the price of the gift itself, and you don't want to waste his kindly-meant money?

Yes I think that's really odd.

Can she borrow a friends Barbie for the photo shoot?

I think if he wants to choose what is bought it's easy enough for him to order from Amazon and have it delivered direct to you.

take a photo of her in the toy shop with the toy and then buy what the hell she likes.

or send the money back and say that you don't want a gift that comes with conditions.

or just buy what she'll like and if he chooses to not send anything any more, that's up to him.

or say look, I know you mean well, and I'm grateful, but you are dictating gifts that she doesn't like. That's a waste of your money. Surely it's better to get a gift she will play with, rather than one that will sit in a cupboard and never get used? I hate to think that you are throwing your money away.

(That last one should appeal to someone who's 'careful' with their cash.)