To be upset with mother?

[Dillydollydaydream]

I'm not sure if I'm overly sensitive about this but these sorts of things happen all the time and it's getting to me a bit now.

Today one of my brothers (let's call him Bob) popped round and brought my dc their Easter eggs from my mum and my other brother (we'll call him Ben). Bob said he had brought round the eggs from Ben because Bens car had failed its MOT. Fair enough I thought.

My mum had gone to a woodland centre with step dad. I'm not sure why they couldn't have popped the eggs in themselves TBH as they have to drive past our house on the way, I'm not talking a detour or anything they actually have to drive past our door!

Anyway, as I had the Easter eggs for bens dc I text and asked if it was ok to pop them round. He replied he was out and he'd let me know when they were back.

Since then I have received a text from my mum which was meant to be sent to Ben saying

"Think Bob told 'Dilly' he had popped yr eggs round cos yr car had failed its mot. Thanks for lovely pm".

Now to me that sounds like they'd spend the afternoon together - therefore both driving right passed my house, and Bens car is fine?! Or am I paranoid. It just upsets me that my DM never wants to see my dc :( she could have popped in or invited us to go too like it seems she did with Ben and his dc. :(

There is always instances like this, DM inviting and paying for Ben and his dc to go out for Sunday lunch, we don't get invited.
I invite DM here for mothers day lunch but she refuses because she has already invited Ben and his family round for lunch, no invite for me and my family.

So a bit long winded but AIBU?

MrsDeeBee. Yes that makes sense what you say about the approval etc.
Even if we moved hundreds of miles away we probably wouldn't see my family any less than now! Feel like I want a fresh start away from here.

Oh. That suggestion was about as much use as a metal easter egg, then! In that case I think you have 2 choices... distance yourself, say sod them and stop letting it wind you up (so much easier said than done) or put up with it for the sake of your kids.

I just want out of the town I grew up in !

Made the classic mistake, moved away, then came back. Have come to the conclusion that I must have been a bit doolally when we decided to move here !

I have wanted to move to the coast for years. Not even particularly bothered about the house, I just want to move !

With regard to your relationship with your Mum, I came to the conclusion years ago, that despite public appearances, and things that were said, my Mum especially didn't actually want the 'classic Mum-Daughter' relationship that so many women seem to crave ? Not with me, anyway.

I did try, for a long time, to repair our relationship, and to become close, but I think my Mum is one of those people that she just can't help herself. I have recognised that a lot of her behaviour is very similar to how her Mum was with her and her siblings, and I'm not going to change the way she is/thinks. It's gone on for generations, and she's done it to my siblings and I and now wonders why no-one gets on !

I don't really have any feelings about it, growing up I was always the 'naughty' one (oh, the irony, compared to one of my siblings) and I was always talked AT not TO, if you know what I mean ? Even after becoming a parent, whatever I did/do is wrong, always has been and always will be, even though most of the things I make decisions about for MY family are eff all to do with my parents !

I know a few of my friends think my situation is sad, but I just say, well you don't miss what you never had. I am fulfilled by the relationships I have with my DH and DCs, and friends, so I don't need anyone else. I feel more sad for my parents that even though they are the ones that created the situation, and did things in the past that contributed to us being so fractured, they cannot see what's right in front of them. And like I said before, I don't want my DCs 'damaged' by their warped idea of love, and how you behave towards others. If that means they're not in our lives, so be it.

I think that you have to let them go.

Stop contacting them, and expect them not to contact you.

I saw my dad yesterday for the first time this year. My mother is about to move away to where my sister is, about 4 hours drive, and when they are gone, that will be it for me, I'll not make any effort to contact any of them.

This is not about YOU, it is about them. THEY chose to do this, you have given them everything on a plate to step up and be normal, they have thrown it back in your face.

Does your H have a good family? if so, adopt them! [bugrin]