just want a rant but actually am I right in thinking DH is an insensitive tw*t?

[rowanrowow]

Just moaning a bit really. We have 2 DS, one age 4 and another 15 weeks old. Obviously since DS2s arrival I am being spread rather more thinly and I am not particularly fon of the baby bit anyway. Anyway, long story short, DS is a grumpy high needs baby as was DS1 as a baby. I am exhausted. DS1 has had a tummy bug which he gave to me and DS2 so I feel like crap. DS2 is even more tired and whiny than normal and this morning I simply said to DH that I just felt like everything was a battle to get through at the minute and he simply rolled his eyes, said he was off to work and pissed off out the house. Great. thanks for the support! I am sick of this reaction from him. As soon as I dare to complain that things are hard and I may need to just rant, DH seems to go into blinkered, 'I am not listening so don't even bother trying to get sympathy' mode. I am sick of it. He leaves the house at 7 each morning and gets in at 5pm, I appreciate he works hard but I honestly don't think he has a clue how hard it is to entertain 2 sick children over the Easter holidays whilst being ill myself and totally frazzled with the baby anyway! Arggghh. Rant over. not sure what I am expecting. Just wanted to get it out there since my DH is clearly not going to be there for me. Thanks!

Grrrr your dh is letting you down!

Thank you! He is great in some ways and work very hard but he is just not there emotionally sometimes. Often I just would like someone to talk to but he seems to just not want to hear anything other than perfection. It's like he knows he can't 'fix' the situation so therefore doesn't need the stress. that doesn't really help me! I know he can't do anything about it. I know the baby bit is hard, especially for me, I really don't enjoy it but I would have just liked a hug or some form of affection and reassurance that he is in fact there to listen to me if nothing else!

Sounds like a s*d of a day. I am in with my two under 4s and have copped out totally and put the telly on.

My DH sometimes rolls his eyes and disregards when I state my feelings too! It makes me demented! I've told him it is disrespectful and that he has to be more considerate. Jury's out though.

Anyway, in a roundabout way I'm saying I've been there OP and you have my sympathy. ?

I work FT in a very busy, stressful job.

I can tell you that being at home with two young, sick children, plus doing all the domestic stuff, plus being ill is way, way harder than being at work!

I have said this sooo many times on MN - it makes my blood boil how many men play the 'I've been at work all day card'. I never, ever do. When I come home I appreciate dh has been working hard too at home and I get on with feeding/bathing kids then helping him clear up.

YANBU

Ahhh cuppa tea :-) Thanks ladies. I feel better already! I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge deal and there are FAR worse things but I am just feeling worn down today. You are right though confused, that's how I feel that it's just disrespectful when he does that! It's as if being a mother, on call 24 hours a day, entertaining one poorly child and a poorly miserable baby as well as being ill myself isn't enough of a problem for him to even give a decent minute's thought to. Bloody disrespectful shit!

Oh and yes Proud, I am finding myself actually missing work this week having previously being unsure whether to return at all after maternity leave, I now find myself leaning towards going back to work early!

Do it!

Just make sure you don't go back to work and still find yourself doing everything plus working on top which is what happened to me! I now work part-time and am less inclined to want to kill anyone.

see, in response to what you said to him i would expect a partner to say "ok, well, i'll do what i can to get off early today, cant promise though, and i'll take over with the dcs and sort dinner, washing etc so you can have a rest. i'll ring you later to let you know if i can get home earlier or not" at the very least.

Wel he's just phoned now as if everything's fine and it winds me up that if I bring it up he'll convince himself I am looking for an argument. He is a MASTER at doing this! It's his get out of jail card and it drives me nuts. That's what I would have liked to hear Iambiiyhoo but nope! He is so good at dismissing my feelings and is able to throw the old 'working so hard for his family' crap. I actually think he works for himself as he is very driven and organised and seems to be increasingly crap when he is at home. He does come in and take DS2 for about half an hour but that's only so I can cook tea for us all.

would it be possible for you just to take to your bed when he gets in this evening and just let him deal with everything? how would he react?

can tell you that being at home with two young, sick children, plus doing all the domestic stuff, plus being ill is way, way harder than being at work!

sorry, have done all combinations and i disagree. working 10-12 hours outside the home is way harder.

talk to him calmly, not whinging, whiny or naggy. tell him you need help/support, then take it from there. if he doesnt react in the way you think he should, decide on your next course of action.

joanna - really? A normal day at work is harder than being unwell and having to care for poorly children at the same time??

proudnscary will you marry me?

"talk to him calmly, not whinging, whiny or naggy."

what on earth makes you think she will whinge, whine or nag? buying into a few stereotypes maybe?

You have answered you own points.

He wants to fix it, he knows he can't, so he just ignores it. You need to spell it out to him that you don't want him to fix it, you just want him to validate your feelings and acknowledge that you are struggling. Then you tell him he does that by listening, giving you a hug, and then going off to work and doing what he would have done anyway.

You just need to say it very very slowly. He wont realise how important those things are to you.