To Ask If You Know Anyone With A Few Grand To Spare?

[MadameOvary]

Obviously I am but I have to ask. There might be a few Carnegie altruistic types lurking.
I am part of a support group for women who have left or trying to leave abusive relationships. It's a subject very close to my heart. I successfully left mine and manage ok.
These women are doing their very very best but they are being stretched to breaking point. One is at the mercy of her DC's father calling the shots (he earns all the money), another is coping with a large family and a very stressful job.
We are not stupid. We have tried offering suggestions, workable solutions. There is nothing to be done but try to manage the situation and the daily abuse.

I know, I know I've got a fucking cheek asking in this climate when so many are struggling. But most families work together right? Offering, at the very least sympathy/empathy if not practical and/or financial support. These women have us but it's not enough. Any benefit or emotional respite we offer is almost instantly negated by continued pressure from partners/exes and toxic parents.

So what would throwing money at the problem achieve? Quite a lot really. These women could leave and move somewhere else (as one of them is trying to do) , or take a few months out to deal with the considerable trauma without the stress of work/childcare issues.

These are women who have been abused since childhood and whose efforts to deal with the fallout while trying to hold a family together and fending off an abusive partner or unsympathetic employer is edging nearer and nearer to catastrophe every day.

So there go you go. Feel free to pile in and flame me. I had to do something other than sit back and offer platitudes. Im going to be a trustee for a charitable trust that is being set up to offer community support in general, but that will take months and this is obviously more specific.

Its a good idea. I was pondering the same (daydreaming about what I'd do if I won the lottery!). Sadly I am skint (redundancy, about to start eating away into savings - eek) but I am sure someone will come along.

When you say a few grand madameovary - how many do you realistically need to change these womens' terrible situations? Is it an amount you could aim towards with several donors perhaps? It's obviously a lot to ask of just one person...

Sleep, yes of course. I just know that there is no point in throwing money at a problem if the resources aren't there to back it up. So...money to move house, money for deposit, money for rent while DC's mum gets a job and organises childcare.
Basically money to get them back on their feet and out of the vulnerable stage.

Sorry Madame, I didn't just mean the back up, also have you worked out a specific, sufficient number to aim for to ensure everything is covered?

Nope. I am posting from the heart here. Nothing has been worked out. These women's lives are far too chaotic for that even if if I asked them. This is a desperate measure really.
I know money isnt everything. But when it means freedom from some twat ranting at you and your kids that he owns you and you never pay for everything, in between heaping threats and verbal abuse on you on a daily basis, it can really make a difference.

But is money the only thing stopping someone from leaving an abusive relationship? From the Relationships board here, I'd say it wasn't.

What area of the country are you in?

Where I live, district councillors have a ward budget of £1k, county councillors of £10k, and most are struggling to find suitable projects to fund. This sounds suitable.

Does this substitute or complement the work of Women's Aid? I believe they are trying to do the same thing. Provide a safe house and a starting point for such women. They advise on benefits and housing etc.

In the nicest possible way i think you need to pull this thread, get together with some real organisers and start again. OBviously your passion cant be faulted but this kind of appeal needs far more planning and structure, no one os going to hand over any amount of cash to unknown project for unknown objectives.

Its an important issuse worthy of support so good luck

Why not liaise with your local Women's Aid? they would love someone with your enthusiasm and you could help a wider spectrum of women by linking them up with the kind of government funding and benefits they are entitled to long term.

You're not actually being very clear what you're asking for, what the money would go on and the mechanism for donating.

There are very very good reasons why there are laws governing charities. Can you not raise money for the women's refuges and likes of Women's Aid already in existence?

I don't fault your intent but I fear you're being rather naive.

Imperial, you make a good point, but these are women who are way past the initial confusion and denial, and would leave if given the opportunity

Loopy I'm in Scotland, but these women are all over the UK. Ireland, Wales, England.

Youoldslag Complement, absolutely. I have benefitted from going into a WA refuge myself. But they are underfunded and overstretched. I already approached WA in my area about setting up a peer support group but they dont have the resources. These are women with large families and/or DC's with disabilities so refuge isn't as accessible

BabyDubs I know, I know. As I said I am taking steps to go the orthodox route but I have watched these women struggle for so long already. They need help now.

Really, if someone were to say "I'll help, what do you need?" I'd be happy to give them all the structure and information they need. There is SO much money sitting there and people looking for good causes. I'm just saying "Oi! Over here! We need you!"

Rhinestone - of course I'm being naive. I'm posting from the heart. Sometimes it's all you can do. As I said, I am going down a more orthodox route but that will take time and these women need help now.

What would the money be spent on? See above. It's a Freedom Fund, really.

You are saying it in the wrong place! I don't mind you saying it here too, but I doubt you will find what you are looking for on MN.

The problem is that there are so many worthy charities out there, and there are so many causes that need help. There are also lots of people that are as passionate about their chosen cause as you are about yours.

I have recently been involved in setting up a charity, I feel your pain, it is NOT easy. It has taken us about two years to get from being a brilliant idea to getting our registered charity number, but now that we have that, we can go after the grants and the money that you rightly say is out there just waiting to be claimed. And even then, it will take another couple of years before we are really doing what we want to do to the full, because we still need money for the basics and we are all volunteers with jobs and families and lives!

One of our trustees told me she had discovered something about a community fund that is coming from the government and will be donated to charities. The money is coming from bank accounts that have been dormant for a number of years and don't seem to belong to anyone. I think she said she saw something about it on the BBC news website, have a look if you are in a position to try and make a claim.

Well good luck. I do hope you get some responses but I'm afraid I wouldn't consider donating to a non-registered charity and even then I like to see annual accounts etc. (Used to work in a small charity and am therefore slightly cynical about how some of them operate.)

(Not that I have a few grand spare anyway though! )

Women's Aid exists already and is a fantastic organisation. Why not try to work with them? If what they offer isn't suitable for some families, wouldn't you do better working with them to extend their facilities?

You come across in this thread as asking for money without saying what it would be used for, except a freedom fund for women who are struggling. Every woman who separates and is financially dependent would therefore be able to apply for funding? Your goal is unrealistic, in my opinion.

You say, "Any benefit or emotional respite we offer is almost instantly negated by continued pressure from partners/exes and toxic parents." How would money resolve that? We've seen on these boards many, many women go back to men who are at worst unfaithful and at best abusive. Money is often a factor but even when women are given a way out, they usually don't take it. What makes you think that money is the route away from toxic parents, for example?

Outraged - thank you, I will. Sometimes impulsivity reaps rewards, sometimes not. This wont dissuade me from doing what I'm doing, I'm under no illusions - its going to be tough.

Yesterday the government announced a Big Society Capital fund, could this be an option?

I think that's the one my friend was talking about Skiving.

Imperial It wasn't clear but I was asking for financial help for the women I have had personal experience of dealing with. They are Mners, which why I'm here. So I know that money would improve things significantly at this time.
Believe me, I'm on a mission. if I had my way there would be courses on DV for all professionals involved.
In my experience extending the facilities of WA is impossible as they dont have the resources. I would happily be a counsellor with them but they cant take me on, even as a volunteer, because they dont have the staff to mentor me.

Reading about the Fund now. Thanks.

Have you thought about volunteering to try and get grants for WA instead, or as well as trying to help the women you arethinking of? I know that's not what your goal here is, and that you are looking for immediate help for people that need it yesterday, and I know its frustrating. But I'm sure most small charities would love someone to come along and offer to do all the work that it takes to apply for grants for them, because it's just so time consuming.

I work in Fundraisibg

Am happy to offer advice and practical help, if I can

PM me if you want

TBH, giving out money sounds easy but actually

I was going to say have you tried accessing Community Chest funds? Also I have some bits I was going to donate to a charity shop, would it be possible to set up and manage some kind of list of resources in each area? Like if someone has bedding or childrens clothes or similar?

Outraged I guess that is what I'll be doing once the Trust is set up. I have no knowledge of asking for money except on MN - have done it a few times now.

Rubyslippers - thank you, that is very kind. The friend who has enlisted me as a trustee has quite a bit of experience in fundraising, but its always useful to pool resources.

Glen - Never heard of them! Will have a look. Thanks