To go ahead with adoption even though DS keeps changing his mind?

[Birdylade]

DH and I have been together since DS was 8 months old, he is now 7 and we have since had two more DD's.
DS's biological father has had nothing to do with him since he was 6 months old, now lives abroad and has since had two more children both by different mothers.
DH and I planned for him to adopt DS two years ago but DS's biological Dad refused to give his permission, claiming he was going to be a better 'father', and have some contact, we decided to give him a chance but we never heard from him again.

We have decided to start the adoption process again as we feel DS is old enough to be part of the decision. DS was very keen on the idea but whenever DH tell shim off he decided he 'doesn't want to be adopted anymore'.........

DH is now having second thoughts because of DS's comments, is it unreasonable to want to continue?

Please don't continue with anything so important as adoption if your DH is having "second thoughts" because he's not comfortable about your dd's comments. He has to be fully signed up to the plan and, with respect, so should your dd, even at 7. Now I realise that you are the adult and have an understanding of adoption that it isn't reasonable to expect a seven year old to have but I'm wondering whether the whole process might be best held back for a while.

MaryZ said it perfectly.

I agree that AIBU is probably not the best place for this.

From the sounds of it you're dd is attaching childish emotions to an adult issue which she is not old enough to fully comprehend. Maybe some help from someone who has more experience in this field?

I think your DH needs to quickly make up his mind one way or the other (and ideally with the benefit of counselling). How long has your DD been aware that adoption was a possibility, for a 7yo weeks and months can feel like a lifetime? I'm assuming that you have told her that nothing will happen unless she wants it to, is she aware that your DH may also change his mind regardless of what she wants? She probably thinks that he loves her unconditionally, it would be awful if her faith in him was damaged at all.
In an ideal world, you shouldn't have raised the idea of adoption with your DD if there was even an outside chance that your DH would change his mind.

If your DD gets an inkling (now or in the future) that your DH has 'rejected' her then she will be devastated. Can you begin to imagine the conversation you'd have to have with her when she tells you she is still interested in adoption but you have to tell her that DH isn't?

Thanks for the replies. DH has always wanted to adopt her, I think the issue is more that he doesn't feel it's the right thing to do while she keeps changing her mind, mainly for her sake but partly for his own, I think he's concerned/scared that she may use it against him in the future.

I wouldnt if child and DH aren't certain