To be given an excuse/ reason?

[Pancakeflipper]

A not-close friend was coming this evening for dinner and a chat as they asked for some assistance with job applications and interview techniques. Something DP and I can help with.

Just had an email ( not a phone call or text) saying " sorry not coming now, let me know when it's convenient for you again."

And as I stand in the middle of my kitchen preparing the food I am thinking "Fair enough but a reason to why would be nice." Or am I being nosey?

The short notice is annoying I agree, but I am one of those people who don't ever give reasons.

If asked to go somewhere that I don't want to or have other plans I will just say 'sorry, I can't make it' and leave it at that. It has taken years of practise as I used to be a real people pleaser/sheep.

However, given that she needs your help, she probably hasn't gone about getting it in the best way. Certainly could have been more polite.

V rude.

Abitlikemollflanders - it's totally acceptable, if invited to an event, to simply say, "I'm sorry, I can't make it." However, if you have already agreed a time and place and that time and place is just a few short hours away, then actually, I think it's entirely reasonable for OP to want some kind of explanation.

Pancake - is that email verbatim? Because if so, I'd be spitting. "not coming now."? WTF? That's just rude. Even if she doesn't feel the need to give you an email an apology for the inconvenience and an acknowledgement that she's messing you around is appropriate.

If she's not a close friend, I wouldn't challenge her, but I'd be a lot less helpful when she gets in touch again to ask for you help. And I certainly wouldn't be sending her a new list of dates now.

You shouldn't expect to be given a reason, yes that's just nosey. But you should certainly expect common courtesy, especially as you were doing this person a favour.

Its the 'sorry not coming now' in place of 'I'm sorry for the late notice but I can't make it due to unforeseen circumstances' That would irk me.

This person is going to need a lot of work with their communication skills. I wouldn't go out of my way to rearrange a new time to meet.

I am like you AbitMoll - if asked if I want to do something and I don't, I try to not give an explanation cos I used to do waffly long ones.

Think I am a bit ( not a lot ) pulling faces at this one cos they asked and it was arranged last week. But more lemon cake for me tonight....

How rude!

Bling - it is word for word. A simple " really sorry something urgent has cropped up" is good enough for me. I don't need nitty gritty details ( honest!)

I think my "take a step back from this person cos they are a nightmare" radar is bleeping. Obviously NOT just due to this but cos they are one of those type of people who one moment don't stop sending you emails/ texts et. Then disappear in a black hole. I have been feeling about twitchy on this anyway.

I think I will respond with a "No problem. Hope all well. Perhaps it's best if you let me know when is suitable for you and sort something out from there".

V rude and I do think an proper reason should be given in this instance because of the late notice which obviously will have meant you were likely to have bought/started preparing a meal for her. Also I think she should have called you to make sure you got the message asap and not emailed.

I think it was fine not to give a reason but to be so offhand and not apologise, especially as you are doing a favour - completely unacceptable.

I would reply with something like this:

Ok, thanks for letting me know. I don't have another convenient date to offer you. Good luck with the job hunting!

Pancake - your response is the kind I'd make. but I like Chronic's suggestion! I'm not sure I could send it, but I'd like to if it was me.

And certainly, don't invite her over for dinner next time. She can pop over for a cup of tea.

I love the fact that she assumes you'll still want to help her!
YANBU to be peeved and want an explanation.

Canceling by e-mail is v rude. She doesn't sound apologetic, and she should! If it were me I would expect some sort of explanation, not because of nosiness but if you mess someone around then it's only fair to make it clear that it was unavoidable.

Also really like Chronic's response. Absolutely clear, to the point and acceptable given the short notice and way she cancelled/postponed.

If it were me there is every chance I wouldn't have seen the email in time. If you are going to cancel at short notice you call ffs.

I'd send chronics reply or just a 'thanks for letting me know'and then not rearrange. Different if a friend but this is desperately rude grin someone you don't even know that will and who you were doing a favour for