To be secretly pleased

[ProfCoxWouldGetIt]

DD - loves her Granddad (DP's Dad) and he obviously loves her to bits, from the moment he met her (1 week old), he's carried her around and talked and sang to her, always makes time to play with her and spend time teaching her things,

Dp's Mum on the other hand, has really had very little to do with DD, apart from showing her off to neighbours and family (and playing the proud grand parent) but she's never once played with DD, at DD's second birthday, she spent the entire time copying numbers from one mobile to another, in the past when she offered to babysit for a couple of hours so DP and I could get a couple of hours to ourselves, she didn't even change her nappy even though she'd done a massive poo. When I asked, she sadi she'd been a bit smelly but not bothered to check.

Anyway DD now gets incredibly excited when we tell her FiL is coming to visit, but now says "no, don't like grandma, grandma stay at home" and on their last visit refused to give her a kiss or cuddle before bed.

I did try to make MiL more interested in DD and involve her in DD's parties and xmas, but she's just never made the effort.

Is it wrong that I find it mildly amusing that DD has obviously noticed this and now that she's more fun to be with, doesn't want to spend time with MiL?

DP has really tried to force DD to give MiL cuddles etc, but she's just not having any of it.

ok, having read that back, it makes me sound awful and mean, but I just wish MiL would treat DD more like a person than an object to show round and exclaim what a beautiful wonderful GD she has in public, but take no interest in her at all behind closed doors.

This is also the woman who has spread rumours that I deliberately got pg to trap DP, and that I'll never be good enough for their family

Lots more back story and history between MiL and I so I probably am being a bit nasty

I don't blame your dd at all to be honest! it is true kids do pick up on these things. I don't think you are at all being unreasonable to be 'pleased' :)

Nah, why should you be polite about MIL if all she seems to see dd as is a trophy grandaughter?

Strange she takes no interest. Or at least, unusual. I'd wonder what that was all about - her relationship with your DP, depression......

Thanks Orange- that makes me feel less evil

@gafhyb I did find it weird, but she's quite a weird woman to be honest, she seems to lack all social awareness, recently when a cousins dd died after suffering with anorexia, her response in an email to all the family was the this girl had finally suceeded in killing herself, now you may think that, but surely you would never say it?

She sounds heartless as well as thoughtless.
Small children soon pick up on who loves them and responds to them, and who isn't interested.
Just celebrate the lovely Grandpa, he deserves it.

It sounds like she likes the idea of a GD but not the practicalities of looking after/entertaining them. was your DP an only child?
I think your allowed to be a wee bit smug.

I don't blame you at all! I have a similar thing - DP's dad and his wife have never shown much interest in DS (now 5) and he is old enough to notice it. I think he first started saying he didn't like them when he was about three.

Glad she has such a lovely time with GD, little girls often do!My dGD died when i was 2 but i adored him far more than i ever did GM and i think it was simply cos i realized he adored me too!

Ungrateful people, not bothering to play with their grandchildren. They are so lucky to have the opportunity.
But I don't know how to make them be interested if they are not.

This is your first child isn't it?

If it was your 2nd or 3rd, you'd have learnt by now that in a couple of weeks time, she probably won't want to kiss her Grandad either.

They go through phases like this.

I think you are allowed to be pleased! It sounds a bit like my parents vs my inlaws. My parents have always made the effort with the children and visited us and looked after them. IL's have done the show off to friends thing but never really bonded with the children. Probably doesn't help that when we visit them they spend all their time with their daughter (who comes for lunch every day - she is 43!) rather than their grandchildren.

When both sets of GPs are around the IL's get ignored and my parents get the attention. Oh and they never even bothered to come for DD's 2nd birthday and didn't even acknowledge that they were missing out.

Kids pick up on who loves them, cares for them etc and it is only natural for your DD to love her grandad - who sounds fantastic btw.

I think you need to tell your dp to stop trying to make his dd kiss or hug someone she doesnt want too. All good life lessons.

If I was in the same boat op, I would have a quiet smile to myself too.