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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you can't afford children you shouldn't have them.

960 replies

MrsArchieTheInventor · 05/04/2012 12:28

"If you can't afford children you shouldn't have them" [and] "child benefit and tax credits should be abolished" with the mantra that if she choses to be childless she should not be forced to pay for the 'breeding' choices of others.

A Facebook friend of mine. I didn't retaliate.

Hmm
OP posts:
tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:12

I think everyone who refuses to work should be made to dress up as a clown and dance for us. DANCE, DANCE FOR US!! HAHA!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/04/2012 21:12

Hecubas, no one has said you are useless, and no one has said your dds shouldnt exist. You need to stop taking this so personally.

ShirelyKnottage · 05/04/2012 21:13

I'm not sure if you just called me a bitch or not oohlordylordy, but you have no idea how hard anyone is trying to get work - that's kind of the point I'm making Confused

If you're not claiming benefits I presume you are married or being supported by a partner or husband? What if he loses his job and then you fall pregnant. HORRORS!

The thing is that anyone who gets pregnant to "get the benefits" is living a fairly shitty life either way aren't they? I mean, can you imagine having to have another baby just to get an extra bit of money, what with all that raising children entails?

oohlordylordy · 05/04/2012 21:14

Hecubas - NO ONE is saying these things about you or your children.

This is a random discussion about our ideal politics / ideologies.

PLEASE PLEASE do not take this to heart.

I may not agree with every poster on this thread, but neither do I have a particular problem with them.

The big thing with an internet forum is that people can say what they really feel without it being personal to anyone.

I very very much doubt a single poster here means any bad feeling to you or your family.

tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:14

"actually, the amount of people who are playing the system are in a majority-especially here. sad but true"

Actually wicketter, the government's own estimation of the amount lost in benefit fraud is far exceeded by the amount of benefit money laying unclaimed.

So, it may be sad, but it isn't true Smile

Hecubasdaughter · 05/04/2012 21:15

'no one has said your dds shouldnt exist', so what does 'you shouldn't have children you can't afford' mean and yes that has been said to my face. 'abortion does exist you know' How am I supposed to interpret that.

oohlordylordy · 05/04/2012 21:15

Sorry @Shirely that was meant to be a joke. Blush

wicketter · 05/04/2012 21:16

you obviously dont live near me. every day i hear it and see it. also the majority of unclaimed benefits is by oap's and the disabled not what we are talking about

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/04/2012 21:17

Shirley, there are lost of people who work that would love to have a third child, but don't because they can't afford it. What makes you think people who don't work world be any different to that?

tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:17

"Not really, because my plan isn't all about saving money. It's about making people take personal responsibility for themselves and the children they create. A few parents may end up with children in care, but I suspect many more would just stop at two children and carry on as they are"

Oh, ok, a long as it's only a few more children who'll end up in care, then that's fine.

CrystalMaize · 05/04/2012 21:18

wicketter

"actually, the amount of people who are playing the system are in a majority-especially here. sad but true"

Please explain that, with examples.

ShirelyKnottage · 05/04/2012 21:18

oohlordylordy - I thought it might be but then I got all suspicious and got my paring knife out thought I'd better ask. Heh! (I've been called worse than that on threads like this before - a fucking moron is my particular favourite. )

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/04/2012 21:18

Wicketter what do you class as "playing the system"?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/04/2012 21:19

Hecubas, could you afford your children when you had them?

tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:19

"you obviously dont live near me. every day i hear it and see it. also the majority of unclaimed benefits is by oap's and the disabled not what we are talking about"

Oh, right. Sorry. Thought we were discussing actual figures, rather than what you see at the shops. My mistake.

Hecubasdaughter · 05/04/2012 21:19

We are on benefits therefore we are scroungers it is the MN mantra. BTW we do not get over £200 pw in benefits not remotely near that.

There are a lot of MNers who seem incapable of separating someone who has never worked with no intention of working and has several DC from the 1000s of families who had DC when gainfully employed then were thrown on the scrap heap. For many those people having no life and no future is not enough they feel so much more superior when they kick them while they are down. They cannot enjoy their lives in quiet satisfaction because that wouldn't be fun would it? So lets go and make people who feel like shit feel even more like shit.

BTW Dh and I have just checked our emails more rejections so you get to kick us (metaphorically) for longer.

CrystalMaize · 05/04/2012 21:20

Also, Wicketter, with statistics.

tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:20

Ah. The Fucking Morons

Makes me all wistful. Them were the days, eh?

toweraboveyou · 05/04/2012 21:21

If you are struggling to feed yourselves or your existing children, perhaps having more is not the wisest idea.

However, I wonder if people who say that are willing to repay the benefits their parents received for having them?

Rhinosaurus · 05/04/2012 21:21

Hecubas

Nobody has called you useless.
Nobody has said your dds should not exist.

We are discussing the implications of a benefits cap, particularly when children continue to be reproduced when the parents have no intention of supporting them. Tethers has also made a very good point as to just what is going to happen to children and parents if this was to happen and children ended up not being fed.

I was on benefits myself when my son was born 13 years ago, got made redundant on ML and his dad did the going to the shop and never coming back thing. I eventually went to uni to retrain as a nurse, I know how hard it is. I also know that I would have never considered having another child whilst on benefits, as you wouldn't.

This is no way personal to you and I am sorry if you have taken it as so, it is just an interesting debate conundrum and it is good when some play Devils advocate as it makes you re-think your opinions.

Hecubasdaughter · 05/04/2012 21:21

When DD1 was born yes. When DD2 was conceived yes, but when she was born.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 05/04/2012 21:21

Tethers, what do you suggest then? Especially considering there are so few jobs at the moment, and considering the points that were made on this thread earlier about population?

Do you really think the people of this country are being served well by enabling these who don't work to have as many children as they want without having to face any consequences?

FrankWippery · 05/04/2012 21:29

Hecuba 'We are on benefits therefore we are scroungers it is the MN mantra.'

Is it fuck.

'BTW Dh and I have just checked our emails more rejections so you get to kick us (metaphorically) for longer.'

Do you actually want people to react to this? Frankly with statements like that it's inviting it.

I have seen hundreds of posts on here over the past year from people giving you seriously good advice and am constantly stunned that you seemingly ignore them and just start yet another whinge.

FFS NO ONE is saying that you are useless. NO ONE is saying your kids shouldn't exist.

tethersend · 05/04/2012 21:33

Oh, Outraged- I can't point out the flaws in your proposal without having one of my own? Oh dear.

Leaving things exactly as they are would be infinitely preferable to your ill-conceived idea.

Does that mean I can have an opinion now?

wicketter · 05/04/2012 21:34

ok people. the bottom line should be that if you cant afford it you shouldnt get it. you cant rely on everyone else to support your child for 18 years. i dont expect my own parents to do that so why should i expect you to. sorry just getting really annoyed that this is becoming the norm. i am not saying the kids should suffer but the parents need to be held responsible. something has to be done. at the end of the day YOUR KIDS, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!