to not do this?

[extremepie]

A friend's son was recently diagnosed with chicken pox.

My DH and his friend were having a discussion about having to cancel a planned get together because of this this friend suggests that we go ahead anyway and let our 2 DS's get chicken pox because 'it's better for them to get it now rather than as an adult', the suggestion being that it is much less serious if you catch it as a child.

I've heard about 'chicken pox parties' but I didn't think people actually did this is real life!

There's another thread on at the moment about children going out when they have chicken pox and are infectious, and people potentially not realising the consequences but what he was suggesting is that we purposely expose our DS's with the intention of getting them sick.

Was AIBU to feel that that isn't right?

I left the conversation feeling quite annoyed, as the way he way talking about it was as if I was being an irresponsible parent if I didn't 'get it over with now', and that if I left it and they got it as an adult I would be somehow to blame for inflicting a more serious illness on them!

AIBU?

You're not really unreasonable because only you can decide what's right for your own DC but I would do just as your friend suggests personally. I had CP as an adult and I was so ill the only thing which stopped me being taken to hospital was my absolute refusal to go. Looking back, I really should have had medical attention but felt so terrible I didn't want to move or have anyone near me. My DC caught CP from me. They had a couple of spots and were a bit "peaky" for 2 days.

I don't think YABU

But it is true that this is a better time for him to get it than later on - when presumably he's:

a) less likely to interact with immunosuppressed children
b) not going to miss time off school and, most importantly
c) will most likley, not suffer the symptoms as badly

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor

Thing is, you can get it as a child and as an adult, so it's pointless imo. I have had it in childhood and adulthood, and I think it was only worse in adulthood because I don't remember back to when I had it as a child except for picking my last scab off the night before my Holy Communion. I would never willingly expose my child to a potentially really serious infection.

d) given that he probably will get it some time or another, if you can plan for it, it will inconvenience you less

I realise that sounds a bit cold-hearted

NHS information

They were talking about CP on the radio yesterday (or day before - have lost track!) and had a doctor on saying that you CANNOT get it twice, if you have had it once then when you get it again it will be shingles not CP.

I have wondered the same thing as the OP as mine have not yet had CP, but can't quite bring myself to inflict on us all yet!

It talks about the chances of having it twice on that link

DS1 had it at 2, DS2 caught it and he was 4 months old. I have to admit when I hear CP is 'going round' i feel relieved they have had it.

I had it at 16-it was horrendous.

me too Sparkling. I always think how lucky we are that this is the only common disease of childhood most of us get now. And in most cases, in young children, it's unpleasant but mild. It's a relief once they have had it

In my day it was MMR, and a generation before that, Polio and diptheria

I alos wonder about vaccination for chickenpox

I get why people say it is better to have it as a child I'm just feeling really uncomfortable with the idea of purposely getting them infected.

Maybe it's because DS2 has ASD and really really doesn't deal well with being ill - especially since you can't explain to him what's going on and why he feels so awful :(

I think it's completely understandable that you feel like that. There's a difference between thinking "I hope they get it" and "I'm going to actively ensure they get it"

And you have more reason than most

So I would just do what's right for you

sorry - meant that you have more reason than most to not want to be in that psition

I know what you mean. But then if a child comes home and says another child is off with CP the class have been having a 'CP Party' all week presumably? When does the contagious bit start?

Well, I got chickenpox when I was in my late thirties. Apart from itching like hell, it was OK. A week off work when I caught up with the housework. I then passed it to DS aged 2, who also had little problem with it, didn't even scratch much - which, given he had eczema and could scratch for England at the time, suggests the strain we had was very mild.

However, whilst I was off work with my mild CP, a colleague who caught his CP elsewhere was ill enough to be hospitalised. I caught mine from contact with DH's shingles; maybe an 'old' and relatively unmutated strain compared to current variations? I do wonder if we think of CP as mild because it was when we were younger - but is it still mild?

Different people react differently. I had mild chicken pox as an adult, DH's mum died in the 1970s. I was extremely ill with German Measles as a child. You just can't tell.

No one should have pressured OP but I would have leapt at the chance to take DC to a cp party, I don't think it's a crazy idea at all. To actually be able to plan when DC got CP would be great rather than them getting it at random bound-to-be-inconvenient times. Would be easier to reduce the chances of them infecting other people that way, too.

I assume you're planning to get the CP jab for your DS, OP? I would have done that if convenient. I had very mild cp as an adult, btw, probably was a 2nd bout of it. Precisely because I hadn't been exposed to the wild variety for many years, I imagine. I definitely have immunity from my adult bout.

Sparkling - infectious 1-2 days before the spots appear, then until all spots have crusted over

Although I'm not keen on the idea of 'forcing' children to catch cp from eachother, (my attitude would be more 'not keeping them separate and if they caught it then fine) I can promise you it will be better for them to have cp as a child.
My DH's mum was disgusted by chicken pox and kept him off school whenever another kid had it as she couldn't stand the thought of him catching it. Result = he never got it but then caught it from me when I had shingles aged 26.
Caught it a week before we went on our honeymoon (honeymoon was months after wedding so didnt have it for wedding in case that's what you are wondering!)Completely ruined the honeymoon - he was in so much pain, his pox and scars were so big and nasty looking - we literally didnt leave the hotel except to eat. He was really miserable, and wished more than anything that he had caught it as a kid as it affects you so much worse to get it as an adult. To this day he literally has holes in his face and on his hairline where the scars burrowed so deep into his skin. not nice.