Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

how can I stop my MIL being so ... well, not so sensible!

21 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 04/04/2012 11:19

I've often thought my MIL did/said things to wind me up - but I've now come to the conclusion that she just doesn't think. She's a lovely woman and we get on well, but she doesn't take being told what to do/not to do very well.

A perfect example of her just not thinking was when baby was a day or two old, having had to spend time in neo-natal and being on antibiotics due to infection ... she arrives and puts her handbag (a well worn one) in baby's crib I know there was no malicious behaviour in this, she adores her GC, but, well, she just didn't think!

She likes to think baby 'does' things ... when it's her encouraging. I take toys round for baby to play with yet she insists all baby wants to do is look in her handbag and play with keys, hairbrush, lipstick etc. Baby Mum does NOT want to do this and I have a pet hate of kids going through adults handbags. As far as I'm concerned, why should the bag owner have to explain what a tampax is or justify the pack of fags in there!

I know if it was my mother doing this I'd just be able to say 'stop being so bloody stupid! You're making baby take things out of there!'

I truly do not want to upset her but telling her to stop it would, but the 'handbag' game is now happening everytime she see's baby and although I know this is a petty AIBU - it's driving me nuts!

Advice on a gentle 'stop it' please! :)

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 04/04/2012 11:20

christ just ask her to stop! YABU to be so het up over it - and a bag in the cot isn't going to kill your baby

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 11:25

What's the problem with the handbag?

Babies go through a developmental stage of loving to take things out of places and put them back. There are lots of interesting textures, colours and shapes in a handbag. Toy makers make toys that reproduce the whole idea of this.

As long as it is supervised and there's nothing dangerous - like penknives or pills, then I don't see the problem.

What I remember about my childhood is the special things I played with at my grandparents houses - and none of them were toys

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 11:26

OTOH, if she's trying to make the baby do something, that's not great

Original poster

Newmummytobe79 · 04/04/2012 11:31

- ok, maybe I'm taking MY pet hate a bit too serious then.

I'll cut her some slack! :)

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 04/04/2012 11:35

The issue with the handbag in the cot of a baby on antibiotics for infection (I suppose) is that it's possible that it's been somewhere grubby like the floor of a public loo. I'm pretty lax when it comes to dirt and germs and babies, but even I wouldn't be pleased about that.

As for the 'handbag game', next time she does it, pick your DD up and tell MIL that you don't want DD thinking it's OK to rummage through people's handbags. Perhaps she could set up a treasure basket with similar sorts of items in (old, clean keys, tissues, a hairbrush) so that DD gets the same experience but without you worrying about her rifling through someone else's bag and finding tablets, tampons or a condom?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/04/2012 11:36

Erm, seriously if this is her worse crime you are very lucky!! Babies love delving around handbags and pulling out tampons and such in front of people - so much more fun that playing with a boring rattle or cloth book!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/04/2012 11:36

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 11:40

That's a good idea, Pissflaps, as a compromise

callmemrs · 04/04/2012 11:44

Hmm tricky one. On the one hand I hate the whole idea of getting babies and young children to 'perform' simply to gratify the adult. But in all honesty your child probably does enjoy the routine of rummaging in the bag now and will come to expect it.

The idea of a baby handling a packet of fags though, even as a game- bleurgh! Ok I know theyre in a packet and the baby won't know what they are, but presumably part of the game is naming each item as it appears. As someone who finds smoking truly revolting I wouldn't particularly enjoy explaining that

Actually why not try saying '... And these are granny's cancer sticks'... That might stop her

Flisspaps · 04/04/2012 11:46

OriginalJamie It's Flisspaps, if you please. No pissflaps here

eosmum · 04/04/2012 11:46

I'm going against the grain but I agree with you. If this type of behaviour is being encouraged the baby won't know that it's not right to do it to someone else and the contents of my handbag would be very very unsafe if a small person got near it. As for the handbag in the crib that's just yuck! handbags end up on all sorts of dirty ground, she wouldn't put shoes into the crib so why put her bag. So as far as I'm concerned YANBU.

Pandemoniaa · 04/04/2012 11:51

I suspect that your MIL just had a thoughtless moment with the handbag so I'd put this particular offence in the past.

However, as a grandmother, I do recognise that some of the things that my 15 month old dgd does which I find irresistibly cute are nowhere near as amusing if you have to live with the daily consequences. Handbags are actually a prime example. I'd be quite happy to let her rummage around in my bag but it is better not to encourage her to think this is acceptable since ds2 and ddil will be the ones left to deal with the mixed messages.

Now in the case of your MIL, it may be that this is another unintended bit of thoughtlessness on her part and while I'm not excusing it, I've seen similar stuff from the Cohort of Besotted Nannies that I and my friends have been admitted to. We mean well. We just sometimes forget that we don't have to deal with the fallout!

So I'd just say to your MIL that you'd much rather your baby didn't get the message that rummaging through anyone's handbag is acceptable. Suggest she puts a treasure basket together so that both of them can have the fun of discovery without reinforcing an unhelpful message.

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 11:53

Forgive me, Fissy, I seem to see rude words everywhere

monkeymamma · 04/04/2012 11:57

I agree - not because it yucky for baby to go through handbags but because I don't think it's polite. I was never allowed to rummage through my grandma or mum's handbag for this reason. If this is something you want to be strict about but grandma won't reinforce the message, she is undermining your parenting and it's fine to say something (politely) on the subject.

Putting it in the crib though was just a moment of not thinking - agree with the pp who said to put this one behind you especially as baby is now fine (and a bit of dirt/germs will be a good thing).

ll31 · 04/04/2012 12:00

Surely all you have to do is not let baby go through anyone elses bag in your house .. I really don't see your problem here

gamerwidow · 04/04/2012 12:05

I think you're over reacting a bit and in all probablity your baby does like taking things out of MIL's handbag.
I can see why you were upset in the hospital about the dirty bag after the worry of a poorly newborn but as you acknowledge yourelf there was no mailce there.
My mum has always played the handbag game with my DD and she loves it. Whenever my mum comes over the first thing DD says to her is "bag, bag" despite this DD does not have a habit of rummaging around in anyone elses handbag.

CremeEggThief · 04/04/2012 12:07

I never let DS play with my handbag, keys, mobile etc. and I don't think he suffered for it.
I think the treasure basket idea is good, especially if you explain some of the research behind it and then your MIL can feel pride in the fact she's stimulating her GD.

Jux · 04/04/2012 12:15

Actually, dd loved taking things out of MIL's and mum's bags. Maybe your baby really does like it, it's just that you don't.

GillyMac93 · 04/04/2012 12:16

Gosh this sounds just like my mil , shes quite dozy and speaks to me like im thick but its not nastiness its genuinely tryin to be helpful .Lke when we were shopping for gc/my nieces birthday present and sil was due in 5 months time .i said i might just get her some more things for her craft box and a bracelet making kit .Mil-oh you cant get that its got little pieces the baby might choke .......emm yes i knew that and dn will have played with it and probably trashed it all by 6 months time i tried to say , but then kept repeating how babies choke on small things like i was the simple person who couldnt understand so i left it , then when speakin to sil , mil told her about it and sil said the same as i did mil totally unable to comprehend !!

Like when she was in a car accident 100 miles away from home and i was trying to sort out getting her car moved . She tol me she had breakdown cover if she needed outwith 15 her home . I phone up and am told she purchased breakdown cover within 15 miles , I called her back to tell her and she replied ...aww well thats not much good is it ! you bought it you silly woman !!!!! mils!!!

SoupDragon · 04/04/2012 12:19

Buy her this

thebody · 04/04/2012 12:48

Babies love bags, seriously if this is your mils worst crime u r very lucky.

Is this a Pfb by any chance, cut her some slack, relax and enjoy your baby.

This seems to me to b inventing stress out of very little.

Flip