AIBU to think friends don't charge interest?

[ibid]

[name change]

Like a lot of people, we're financially screwed at the moment, (partly because DH lost his job when the company he joined lost their contract and he had only been with them a month and he was laid off - he's temping now, but it's a fraction of his former salary), I was on maternity leave and am back at work now. But we're struggling. We've cut down and back and around, and back down again, but we're still in trouble.

In desperation, and about to miss a mortgage payment and unable to ask family for money (for a lot of reasons which I won't bore you with), we asked a friend to lend us a £1000. It's a lot of money I know. He very. very kindly agreed, with the proviso that we cover the loss he would make taking it from his ISA of 4%. He has calculated this at £75 over the 4 weeks, plus 'fees'.

I'm really grateful for the money but I can't imagine charging a friend for a loan. And whilst it's very much 'his money'; his rules', I do feel let down. Is that an unreasonable feeling? Would you charge a friend when you knew they were struggling?

I think calling somebody tight because they don't want to lend you money and pay for the privilege of doing so is the reason so many people won't lend money in the first place.

It is not "tight" to do someone a massive favour, and only a complete wanker would think that it's OK to accept someone's kindness while bitching about how it is not enough.

If this guy had just said a flat no his tightness wouldn't be the subject of an Internet discussion.

"If I were rich enough to have a grand to spare it would be no different to a tenner, or a pound."

:o

Then you'll never be rich enough to have a grand to spare.

Are you calling me a wanker for saying if I had the money I would lend to a friend without giving what it would cost me a thought? If I couldn't afford to lend the money without recouping the costs then I would explain that to my friend.

TheNightIsDarkAndFullofTerrors

My husband was taken ill along an A road dual carriageway a couple of years ago and we had a blown tyre. We didn't have a mobile phone so I tried to stop other motorists (travelling at speed). One car stopped and two men got out. I explained our predicament and one rang our Rescue Service. I got my husband onto the verge while we waited. A pick up lorry (Highway Patrol) stopped behind us and two men got out. They began to change the wheel, putting out cones to alert other drivers. The Rescue man turned up and the three of them finished the job. Off went the Rescue man and one of the Highway patrol men drove our car (I couldn't) with me as a passenger directing him and the other HP man followed in the pick up with my husband as a passenger in the warmth.

I will never forget those good Samaritans so I always try to be helpful when the occasion arises. my husband recovered, luckily.

Yes, that is very true

Never a borrower or a lender be - and there's me - a fucking mug.

Oh that is a lovely story, Rule

I might not have been a Good Samaritan to the man because he was coming out of a covered alleyway which I was about to walk into but luckily there were some workmen about while I had a look in my purse.

Are you calling me a wanker for saying if I had the money I would lend to a friend without giving what it would cost me a thought?

I am sure A Thing is perfectly capable of answering for him/herself but this is precisely what s/he DIDN'T say! What s/he said was:

only a complete wanker would think that it's OK to accept someone's kindness while bitching about how it is not enough.

Hope this clears it up.

DISCLAIMER: I am not implying that the OP is a complete wanker!

YABU.

There is nothing 'tight' about the way your friend has behaved. He has been prudent with his cash and is therefore in a position to help you out.
You have perhaps not been so prudent, and so when your DH was made redundant instead of having a backup fund for yourselves, you have had to go to a friend.

Morris - yes I hate that one too!

I think that if you'd lent this particular friend £2000, a few years ago and now he was asking for his costs to be covered before he lent you money, then you'd have a right to feel hurt.

He's not making money from you - just asking not to lose money, so really you shouldn't resent him for that.

It was a risk for him to lend you money, you should remember that when complaining about him.

"Years ago I gave a friend 2000 as they were stuck. I acted like he was almost doing me a favour for holding the money for a while and I never asked for thanks.
That is what I hope will now happen for me if I need to borrow from a friend."

What you did with your money when you were blowing it all on multiple skiing holidays will have no bearing on what anyone else, other than the friend you helped out, should do for you now.

I imagine more prudent friends who put money by for leaner times might be a bit at your expectation that they bail you out at their expense.

The very idea that this man is treating the OP badly is ludicrous.

Why do you think your friends owe you a living just because you used to be better off?

It's quite a weird attitude.

It was kind of your friend to lend you the money. The loss from taking money out of his ISA could exceed £75 if/when interest rates rise.

It's the lender's prerogative to set terms.

Imagine how the friend would feel if he had an inkling of your attitude OP...no matter what approach you would have taken, YABU. If he knew what you were saying then it would be the kind of experience that puts people off ever lending money to friends.

DH generously lent a very large amount of money to a friend a couple of years ago, which he needed in Canadian $. He didn't ask for interest. The agreed date for repayment came and went and DH repeatedly and very reluctantly had to ask for it back - he said it made him feel like a loan shark, it all got very embarrassing and we knew friend had the cash. That alone was bad enough but at the point the money was about to be returned the exchange rate had moved such that being converted back into £ would make approx 10% gain. DH's "friend" tried to return it in £ original amount, ie keep the 10% profit, rather than return the amount of $ he had received so that DH could benefit from the lucky move in exchange rate...we were just . Never, ever again.

If he was lending you £50 out of his bank account or even the £1000 out of a bank account which doesn't loose much interest or have a penalty attached maybe just maybe you'd have a point but with an isa its different. I dont pretend to know anything about isas but if he is the kind of mate to lend a mate a grand im sure he isnt being underhand about anything

Wow
Well,op, you have made me decide never to bother lending large (to me) sums of money to anyone
I would be mortified to think I was being slated online for asking for my costs to be covered
I'm pretty shocked
How does your 'friend' even know you will pay it back? They are taking a risk of losing their money - not doorstep lending (they would make sure you paid up)
I'm glad you've changed your mind during the thread but I am going to file this away mentally for future reference

If someone had to borrow money on a credit card to help you out, and it was going to cost them 75 pounds to do it, would you then think they should cover that cost? Because it is the same thing.