aibu

[saidie]

hi girls im a sahm for the last two years lost my due . my savings were used up on pying bills and clothes for dd ,my account has been empty . dh earns a good wadge and gives me only 50 pounds a week to be spent on food shopping for 2 adults and one dd. if i need clothes for dd yes i will get extra but not extra for me ,im stuck at home all week on my own ,friends have stopped sking me out for coffee drinks etc because dh wont alow me or give me any money. his friend asked him a few months ago for 5000 pounds and dh gave it to him no problem and not a penny has been paid back.our home and garden needs doing up for the lst three years and he always has an excuse . i have told him im angry with him for giving that kind of money away when we need things and he wont listen ,i told him he puts himself ,his friends and his family always first and he told me i was the one been selfish . dd is on hoildays now and i dont have a penny to treat her . i think his a selfish fool

Your dh is an abusive twat.
It's financial abuse. Can I ask what happens to your child benefit? It should be paid to the main carer.

Sorry you're in this situation op.

sorry for typos my keys stick , cb goes on food which leaves me with noting .

That is called financial abuse, which is a form of emotional domestic abuse and you should seek help.

Yanbu. He is. And how!!

ask him would he rather give you money now while you are together or hand over a lump sum, half house and maintenance when you divorce!

thats abuse what he is doing!!

stop shopping food wise for him. tell him you didnt have enough.

You may be better putting this in relationships.

To start off with you need to contact Women's Aid. They'll give you some good advice. The link is their website and the phone number is 0808 2000 247.

What do your family and friends say? Have you spoke to any of them?

Oh my goodness. OP why are you with this awful man? He has the ability to look after you and your DD but chooses not to? Can you go back to work?
Leave him. He doesn't sound like he loves you. You certainly are not selfish!

have been looking for work for a long time , noting to suit the hours i need .fed up of always waiting for him to improve our home , never takes me out .friends have all but gone .i cant even have a night out . im fed up of been stuck in all day , when i do the food shop he asks for a receipt and questions what i bought ,i honestly think his a twat .

You are quite right. He is.

in general what he says goes i just have to nod and smile ,he makes all the decisions in everything . i cant talk to my friends about him because he is a well known and respected man where we live ,his lovely outside but at home his nasty. maybe you ask why dont i leave , have no where to go and no money to get away i dont even drive because he wont pay for lessons .

Ask him how much he thinks he would have to pay in childcare if you weren't at home?
But I guess that isn't really the point. You don't sound like you have a relationship. Do you have to stay with him? Are you ready to leave~? There is help out there.

x post. You will have a LOT more money if you leave him.

You have options, Does he make you think you don't?

There are benefits, Housing and people who will help you along the way. You will not be homeless and as abit says will have a lot more money than you do now.

Why does his respect mean more than yours?

You would be better of without him, this is financial abuse !
Who gets the dc's child tax creds (if u get them)?

And how on earth does he think food for a family of 3 for a week is £50?? Nappies, wipes on there own are expensive enough !
He sounds controlling get out while you can

hi girls ,
Thank you for your replies ,
I had a long think about my relationship with dh last night , and its not right ,
withholding money from me is wrong and a simple cup of coffee with a friend is not allowed , he expects me to stay at home cook and clean all day and not allowed any friends is toxic , he has abused me in so many ways i honestly dont know why im still here ,i did leave him for a few days and he never contacted me ,i guess im just scared.

You really need to leave. He sounds abusive and vile.

I know it's hard but is this really what you want your child growing up thinking is normal?

Please call Womens Aid, they can help. They were wonderful to my friend who left her abusive husband.

Saidie Call womens aid. I understand you're scared, but you can leave. And you and your DD will be fine. You would be so much better off without him, especially your little girl. Children shouldn't see a parent upset and abused like this.

What a vile man Op!

I left my ex for less than that but he did the whole 'I work, you only work part-time so I pay most of the bills' shit and thought all his money was his own. It's all about control, he wants you to rely on him for everything.

It's hard to pluck up the courage to leave but it's the best thing I ever did. Yes, I felt very lonely and missed him at first but I felt relieved too.

You can get help if this is want you want to do, I surely hope so because these type of men rarely change.

I feel for you