Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just cook tea for me and DC (sorry long)

25 replies

Hoebag · 03/04/2012 13:53

I'm a bit fragile atm (how pathetic am I ) and a bit upset so please go easy.
Just had enough today.
Currenlty pg MS is really kicking in this week and as a SAHM my life revolves around shit literally The smells make it worse.

I was busy this morning and DP looked after DS for me.
and as I walked through I got;
"Your here now you can change him". I was bit ugghh but I did and had just finished that when as he was making a drink and announced loudly,
"These pots need washing!" Hmm I've just walked in the door and they've been sat there all the time he's been there.
This happens alot I just grit my teeth, not just because its 'my job' more Because if I'm having a bad day standing up for long periods of times with lightheadedness and sickness makes it worse.

The last straw was lunch time, I cooked bacon for us all.
I made my sandwich and DS's I left the bread and stuff on the side because I dont always know how he likes it.

Came started paddying straight away 'Oh not done mine! left me to do my own" Hmm yes.
"Err have to do everything myself don't saying your making something if your not" erm I cooked the bacon?

Anyway just a pathertic row I told him to stop whinging. he made his sandwich and juat walked out with no thanks nothing.
That spoilt baby paddy has pushed me over the edge, My toddler DS literally says thankyou more than him, I can't help thinking What example of behaviour is that setting to DS?

wibu to just cook for me and DS tonight and when asked day ...errm what actually I dunno I need something to sayConfused

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 03/04/2012 14:01

vomit in his shoe

withdraw all services while you are feeling grim.

scuzy · 03/04/2012 14:02

is his name paddy?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 03/04/2012 14:04

I just wanted to point out OP that he's not looking after your DS for you, he is doing his share of parenting his child. Is that how things are in your relationship? All the childcare/household stuff is your job and he does what he likes?

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 03/04/2012 14:05

Not sure, but seems like you are saying there is more to this than just what has happened today? Does he normally work and just had today off so is hanging around the house doing nothing?
Anyway, it's your house and if you don't feel like cooking him dinner because he has been a prat then you shouldn't feel like you have to look for excuses.
Saying that, if it was me I would take an easier way out to avoid confrontation and simply tell him that you have had a hard day and feeling tierd so you are planning on getting a takeaway for YOUR tea tonight so you don't have to stand around cooking. That leaves him open to say he wants to get one with you, offer to cook, or do what he wants.... but I'm sure others will have much better advice than that.

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:12

He works from home mostly
I accept domestic /SAHM stuff is my role but im not gonna be ordered about.

All good advice on here though, its just what to do

Yeah its an ongoing issue, I do feel its an issue of being spoilt and ungrateful

When it dawned on me the awful example of behaviour that is being set, and the fact my ds says thankyou more (not an exaggeration) I was just :O in my mind. It cant be allowed or condoned.

OP posts:
WhataMistakeaToMakea · 03/04/2012 14:15

Well, if DS has more manners, I would also not be able to resist very loudly making a point of praising DS when he says thank you in front of daddy, saying 'well done for saying thank you, that's just what a polite person would say' and 'isn't it lovely when people say thank you, it makes you feel happy to help them' (but then I'm a bit petty like that!)

Conchita · 03/04/2012 14:18

Sorry that your DP is being like this. He does sounds very spoilt and inconsiderate. You said this happens a lot and you grit your teeth. I can understand that as it's sometimes easier than an argument, but if you bottle up your feelings and don't explain to him that you expect him to do more while you're suffering MS, you're on the fast track to becoming a martyr. Especially if you then find PA ways of making your point like refusing to cook dinner. It's healthier just to talk to him, surely.

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:34

I know but it ends in a row and just shouting which I dont want infront of DS and its only me who tries to be calm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:35

I know him mum did alot for him and im sometimes Shock at how he speaks to her.

I hope hes not hoping me to be like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:37

Haha what a mistake , I wonder if he'd even get it aha.

I f I brought it up I can guarantee the answer would be " well why should I say thankyou if you havent made me a sandwich".

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 03/04/2012 14:43

How long have you been with him? Is your child also his? He sounds like a knob, tbh.

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:44

about 5 years yeah he is

OP posts:
debka · 03/04/2012 14:48

My Dh can be a bit like that too, OP. His mother does everything at his house. My way of dealing with it is basically to treat him like a child and insist on pleases and thankyous. Plus I tell him straight if I think he is BU. Some things I just suck up, I do pick my battles. Anyway, 7 years on and he is a lot better than he was.

So I think YABU to not cook him dinner, you need to talk to him and keep talking. Pick your moment though, don't do it at an emotive time, do it when you're both relaxed and can talk, when DS is in bed.

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:53

Argh how can some women do that ? sometimes when his mum is visiting our home he'll say 'get me a can'

and she just gets up and does it Shock fighting a losing battle.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 14:53

Debka, how does yours respond when you tackle it?

OP posts:
debka · 03/04/2012 14:58

He grumbles a bit but then does seem to improve. I just need to be open about it with him. He will do as little as he feel he can get away with, so I need to keep nagging reminding him.

FeedingTheBirds · 03/04/2012 15:00

I couldn't live with a selfish nobber man-child like that. Sounds like he has zero respect for you. Why would you put up with that? You are not his mother, nor are you his unpaid housemaid. I wouldn't do a damn thing for the man if I were you. No actually, if I were you i'd boot him out the door.

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2012 15:03

It sounds like you have a much deeper problem than this one incident.

Having said that, if my DH offered to make me a bacon sandwich and then didn't...I'd be a bit pissed off too.

abbierhodes · 03/04/2012 15:12

Debka, why are you investing energy trying to 'train' him? Treating you (and his mother!) with no respect is a choice you know. He knows it is wrong and does it anyway. Unless you are telling me he speaks to his boss this way? He's not a child who knows know better, he's a fully functioning adult in control of his actions. His mother is at fault for never teaching him any better- as is his father, I presume, though no-one points the finger at the men in these situations. As an adult, though, he should treat his mother with respect, whether she 'minds' or not.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2012 15:16

I couldn't put up with this. Men with no respect for their mothers and the mothers of their children don't get any respect from me.

BishyBarnabee · 03/04/2012 15:34

You need to talk to him. Discuss your roles in the relationship / household. Explain how you feel when he talks to you like that and about setting an example to your DS. Hopefully he'll realise what he's being like.
Make sure you let him know if you're having a s@$% day! I always tell my fella pretty soon after he gets in so he knows to tread lightly! And occasionally drop hints that it'd be really appreciated if he were to cook / wash up today.
But it sounds like it's the way he talks to you that is the main issue here.

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 16:13

I've noticed I tend to triple post,
It is an ongoing issue there were issues with sleep I.e being his own boss he gets up when he likes and I of course have to get up when the LO one does often much earlier,

I get up a lot more during the night for MS and needing the toilet more plus getting up with DS during the night,.
And still makes comments sometimes that I do nothin' and I sometimesdon't even get my weekly lie in. which I've told him is a must.
but that situation is improving since I went apeshit when I fell down the stairs due to exhaustion. And told it him was entirely his fault and refused to cook and clean on the basis if he didn't want to be a dad/DP I didnt want to be a housewife.

So yeah its like I have to go to 100 for any notice to be taken.

another poster I did make the bacon and it was sat on a plate , I was seeing to my ds , and the bread was next to him.

OP posts:
WhataMistakeaToMakea · 03/04/2012 16:15

Hoebag, if one of your friends was telling you all this about their DH what you would think of him? Because from here it sounds crap. (although obviously people only tend to talk about the really good or really bad so it might be that the rest of the time he is ok) x

Original poster
Hoebag · 03/04/2012 16:27

I'd probably think give him a good kick up the arse, he does help with dc in putting to bed etc and passes me nappies.

but can be very rude

OP posts:
WhataMistakeaToMakea · 03/04/2012 16:31

'passes you' nappies?
It sounds like he is really not pulling his weight.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread